BOX IN A BOX :: As soon as I saw her, I put her in a box. With only a couple of words and one look, I summed up who I thought she was, I judged her by her cover. I saw her inexpensive clothing, a beat up car. She had lots of kids. A tattoo.
She was in a low-income bracket and not that bright, I assumed.
Then, a surprising discovery: letters added to her name. She had a degree. A degree in physics. A master’s and a thesis.
This degree shattered my preconceived notions about her… but not for long.
Because now I was just putting her in a new box. Judging her by this new data. I had only just met her, but had placed her in two boxes, immediately!
Worse, I approved more of this new box I put her in, the one with the degree. In my mind, it was a step up from the first box I assumed she belonged in, when all I judged was the book cover.
But a “step up”… to who?
Only to me and my skewed personal highly myopic life experience.
It’s like mirrors facing mirrors. Infinite repetition of seeing someone, judging them by our life experience, and then putting them in a box; seeing, judging, putting in a box…
I suppose we do that to feel safe, a defence mechanism.
For all my trying, so far I cannot stop putting people in boxes. All I can do is acknowledge myself for recognizing judgement when it happens.
– Patrick Marano is a life dabbler, set on experiencing as much as the world can throw at him.
The old adage always rings true, although the wording might be a bit different. Do unto others, walk a mile in their shoes, if the shoe fits…Being labeled, boxed, or post-marked for a certain category of life, the end result almost always comes out as having to explain, justify or tell your own story, when you really don’t want to because of hurt, resentment or sheer exhaustion (having to tell it repeatedly to many many people WILL result in exhaustion).
Most people wouldn’t give a second glance to what others might say, think or do, (unless it’s a rumor, then they might have to save face) because life just gets too busy to deal with it. Others, with a more sensitive tone, may have to take the time to quickly adjust, re-tell or amend the labels, and even that in itself is exhausting.
If one has a judgement, it’s better to be kept under wraps, unless of course, one is so bold to communicate and perhaps open the line of communication a little wider.