GAY DATING :: Sloppy Seconds

GAY DATING :: Is it possible to find a man your friends haven’t already slept with?  At least where gay dating in my hometown (Toronto) is concerned. It is impossible to find a single gay guy here  who hasn’t slept with, or at least dated, one of your good friends. All it takes is one click on “mutual friends” on Facebook to find that you have over 30 friends in common. All it takes is a single picture of the guy on your phone, shown to everyone at Sunday brunch, to have everyone tell you that he slept with someone you know who dated another friend in 2007. All it takes is for the two of you to be at Woody’s on a Thursday night and have the guy tell you two of his ex-boyfriends are here.

It’s terrifying.

For someone who hasn’t been on a date in months, it’s scary to know that the next guy I find online or at a bar will probably have had sex with someone I know. I wonder if I’ll have to start going on ManHunt Napanee just to meet someone who hasn’t slept with one of my friends.

When I talk to people about this, they are surprised at my disdain about the idea of being a “sloppy second,” if you will. I guess I missed some sort of unspoken agreement in the gay community that tells you that it’s completely normal and acceptable to sleep with someone, even after you are both aware that you have been intimate with the same people.

That boggles my mind. It boggles my mind that when I bring the man I’m dating to a social event, he’s already potentially slept with a quarter of the gay men there. It boggles my mind that people are shared and tossed around like sexual clowns, going from one party to the other.>Tweet this!

Must I be the first to say “no”? Must I be the one who ends this? I must. I, Philip Tetro, declare today that I will no longer become romantically involved with another man who has slept with someone I know. Even under the influence of several $2 vodka-cranberries, I will not take someone home who is the ex-boyfriend of a friend of mine.

I refuse to be gay dating second best, baby!

(Here’s hoping I don’t forget the rules.)

Philip Tetro


  1. Philip, I’d hate to tell a man to lower his standards but, ummm, you should lower your standards.

    If you haven’t had a date in three months, I’d suggest that tossing around phrases like “scary,” “sloppy seconds” and, whoa, “sexual clowns”(???) isn’t going to fill up your dance card any faster.

    Just the other day, I introduced an ex of mine to another man I once wanted to sleep with but he was never that into me. I’m still friends with both and, now that those two know each other, I hope sparks fly and they have sex like rabbits and/or marry. I certainly wouldn’t want them worrying where I might fit into that equation. I don’t!

    Must you be the one to say no? No. There’s only one ‘membership rule’ that matters: be good to yourself and the others. Now relax and have fun 🙂


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