SEX AND DISABILITY :: We met at a party and quickly became friends. I immediately had the hots for him. I had asked him out earlier in the year but he said all he wanted was to be friends. One August night we went to see a movie. We were heading home and I just couldn’t take it anymore; I wanted him. I wanted to be with him, even if it was just for the night.
I told him and he reluctantly agreed to come up to my apartment.
We sat down and I could tell that in his mind that he had already decided that sex was not possible. He said he would get naked but that would be it. He did and then he pulled my pants down. He could see my erection; he knew that I had relationships before.
This wasn’t enough though. He was just too nervous. We got dressed, and he left.
We saw each other at the clubs occasionally, but never hung out again. I sent him an email the other week to see if he wanted to go to another movie – and got a response to say that he has moved to another province. He obviously didn’t say goodbye and I doubt that I’ll see him again.
I don’t regret that we didn’t date; it wouldn’t have worked, but I still wish we had sex that night. I wish we could have laid together as two, sexy, sweaty, gay men.
We needed to talk about the possibilities.
This isn’t the only time a guy has seen my disability but hasn’t seen the possibilities of sex. I think most guys assume that I don’t have the mobility to have sex, or that they would hurt me. Other guys are more blunt and say that it would be too weird to have sex with me.
The fact is I have a lot of mobility in bed that makes sex very normal. Other people with disabilities might need to use different techniques or positions.The thing to do is ask before you make any assumptions.
After all, we all end up sexy, sweaty, gay men.
– Colin Phillips
Photo: The latest crush of gay men everywhere, Alex Minsky, is a former marine who lost his right leg in Afghanistan. Image: Eric Schwabel
I think with any relationship, it’s the personality, not the disability. I’ve seen and know A LOT of relationships that involve PWD’s(people with disabilities), and they seem to work because they have obvious things in common. I also know of people in a “mixed ability” relationships, and as long as both people are loving, accepting and can deal well with adaptation. Good Luck!
I have always been attracted a variety of men with many different physical attributes. As I’ve achieved elder status at 64, perhaps the most difficult transition was accepting my older physical self. My response to myself and the fact that now younger men are attracted to me in a way that was never true before.
Everyone has their specifics. What works and doesn’t work when it comes to sexuality. For myself I can’t imagine anyone not desiring perhaps the most beautiful illustrated men on the planet.