SOCIETY :: The mobilization over the last few years following so many shocking suicides by young victims of bullying has been overwhelming and inspiring.But I don’t think we talk enough about another side to these story: the bullies are hurting too.
I remember growing up gay. I knew I was different than the other kids, but I was one of the lucky ones. Lucky because I knew from a very young age that there wasn’t anything ‘wrong’ with me. I knew that the other kids would not understand my being gay, and that was okay. I told myself I would wait. Wait until my peer group was old enough to handle the news when I did eventually come out of the closet. Since I kept my sexuality to myself, didn’t really stand out in a ‘gay’ way and even experimented with girlfriends, I was never on the receiving end of very much bullying.
So I’ve never been bullied. But I’ve known bullies, and I’ve seen bullies, and I know now it works.
Whenever somebody says something hateful or does something harmful to anyone, instead of seeking revenge or plotting to get back at them, I simply remind myself that the torturer is living in their very own version of hell. All bullies are either depressed, wounded, broken, misaligned, misguided, misinformed or all of the above and so so much more. It could be argued actually that there is no need to go after them because they carry around so much more darkness then you could ever lay upon them yourself.
I believe this is true of the bullies of gay kids. These are broken individuals who are drowning in their own ignorance and seeking desperately for approval from others. Life for them is hell. And so they make life hell for others.
So, I agree: It gets better. But this is also a message that applies not only to those being bullied, but to the bullies themselves. It gets better… for everyone.
– Patrick Marano is a life dabbler, set on experiencing as much as the world can throw at him. Image: WikiHow
