If you identify as an ally to the LGBTQ+ community, you’re needed now more than ever. 

Until recently, your role in our community has probably been easy. Progress here in Canada and the US has been often abundant and flowing. You have queer people you love in your lives, and, of course, you’ve supported them. You’ve cheered on our right to live and love and be the fullest expression of our most authentic selves; you’ve championed our relationships – those weddings! – you’ve shared in the joy of our expanding families, and, of course, you have marched and danced with us at Pride. 

Now we need more from you.

Despite – and because of – all the advances queer people have made in recent years, attacks on us, across North America, are now on a fast rise. The Don’t Say Gay bill is among hundreds of anti-LGBTQ+ bills passed this year alone, including bills blocking of trans-affirming health care. Queer themed books have been banned; drag queen storytimes have been met with fear-mongering protesters – some even wearing Nazi garb – Pride festivals have been threatened or even canceled; the limiting of gender expression is being fostered, and it was only last December that 5 people were killed and 17 injured when a gunman opened fire in a queer nightclub in Colorado. Look too at the rainbow flag controversy sullying school boards everywhere right now, and that mother making news recently, shown on video encouraging kids to stomp on a rainbow flag. We queer people are “goomers,” we are “pedophiles” – it just goes on and on, and is all so disgusting and sad. 

And all of it leads to one end result: hate crimes against the LGBTQ+ community, which rose a shocking 60% between 2019 and 2021, according to Statistics Canada. (And those are just crimes actually reported to the police. Countless more go unreported.)

Hate crimes and acts of prejudice leave many queer individuals feeling marginalized, fearful, and isolated. The damaging effects of such hate extend beyond immediate harm, impacting mental health, self-worth, and overall well-being. 

This is why your role as ally is pivotal. Here are some ways in which you can become the best ally possible for the LGBTQ+ community right now:

1. A good ally recognizes that the burden of combating discrimination should not fall solely on the shoulders of those directly affected. 

2. Allyship starts with education. Educate yourself about the experiences, struggles, and accomplishments of the LGBTQ+ community, those you know. Seek out resources, read books and articles, watch documentaries, and listen to personal stories. Understanding the lived experiences of LGBTQ+ individuals is crucial in combating misinformation and stereotypes.

3. Allies also have a responsibility to amplify the voices of LGBTQ+ individuals. This can be done by actively sharing and promoting their stories, achievements, and concerns. Use your platform and privilege to raise awareness and advocate for change.

4. Allies must confront prejudice and discrimination whenever and wherever it occurs. Speak out against homophobic, biphobic, and transphobic comments and behaviors. Engage in constructive conversations and address misconceptions and stereotypes. By challenging prejudiced attitudes, allies can help shift societal norms and foster a more inclusive environment.

5. Stand in solidarity with LGBTQ+ organizations and contribute to their initiatives. Donate, volunteer, or offer your skills to support their work in advancing equality, providing resources, and creating safe spaces. Remember that allyship is not a one-time act but an ongoing commitment.

6. Whether at home, work, or in social settings, allies can play a significant role in fostering inclusive spaces. Encourage diversity training, advocate for gender-neutral restrooms, and challenge discriminatory policies. Be a vocal advocate for LGBTQ+ rights and help create an environment where everyone feels seen, respected, and celebrated.

With your help as a true ally, we can stand up against hate, and create a world where each of us is embraced and valued for who we are.

Until then, and as always, Happy Pride! And thank you for your allyship.

• –Shaun Proulx

This post was originally published on SiriusXM.ca.

The post GGN SOCIETY :: LGBTQ+ Allies Are Needed Now More Than Ever appeared first on TheGayGuideNetwork.com.

Never mind our ever-changing healthcare landscape, just going to the doctor as a queer person in and of itself can be a stressful event. While everyone wants to think that the stigmas and stereotypes surrounding the LGBTQIA+ community aren’t as strong as they once were, you still face the risk of having your identity invalidated or questioned. 

Your concerns can also be dismissed or attributed solely to your queerness. 

It should come as no surprise, then, that many in the queer community avoid going to the doctor altogether. However, if we ever want things to truly change, it’s essential to advocate yourself as a queer patient. You might not be able to change people’s perspectives or opinions, but there are things you can do to ensure you’re receiving the best care possible. 

Let’s take a closer look at how you can speak up to your healthcare professionals and become an advocate for yourself and others in the queer community. 

Understanding Your Rights

If you don’t understand your basic rights as a patient, you’ll lose steam very quickly when it comes to talking with your doctor. Some of the most basic patient rights include:

• Receiving treatment without discrimination;
• Asking questions about your health and treatments;
• Getting a second opinion;
• Making decisions about your health;
• Being treated by medical staff who respect your privacy;
• Being treated with respect and dignity.

Not only can understanding those rights make you feel more confident during medical exams, but you’ll quickly know if they aren’t being met. If they aren’t, you’ll have the knowledge and fuel needed to speak up and speak out. 

Moreover, patient rights aren’t unique to Canada. Understanding and comparing medical rights throughout similar regions can help you to find the best care for you. There is a similar set of patient rights that are part of the American Medical Association’s code of ethics. Even though you’re not an American citizen, American healthcare providers are required to respect your rights if you are their patient. 

Long story short, if healthcare providers — Canadian or American — aren’t respecting your rights, they’re running an unethical practice. 

Practice Your Speech

Many people struggle with nerves or even fear when it comes to going to the doctor. If you’re already nervous about your medical care, you’re probably not going to be comfortable opening up and taking a stand for yourself. 

One of the best things you can do to calm your nerves and stay on track is to practice a “speech” ahead of time. Know exactly what you want to say to your provider, including questions you want to ask and concerns you want to bring to their attention. It’s okay to write some things down to serve as reminders. 

If you’re still uncomfortable or nervous, bring someone with you. Bringing a friend or family member to your appointment can help you feel “shielded,” and your doctor may be less likely to show discrimination with someone else in the room. 

Know When To Go

No matter how long you’ve been with a certain healthcare provider, it’s important to know when it’s time to seek out someone else. If you don’t feel comfortable with your doctor or you feel like you have to repress who you really are, you could be doing more harm than good to your mental well-being. 

Again, it’s your right to ask for a second opinion from another doctor if you don’t agree with what your provider has to say. However, there’s a difference between getting a second opinion once or twice and actually looking for a completely different provider. You should consider changing your doctor if: 

• You can’t openly communicate with them;
• They have no respect for you or your time;
• They can’t provide the expertise you need;
• They don’t want you to get a second opinion.

Thankfully, there are many doctors throughout the country who are allies and would be happy to take you as a patient. Healthcare is nothing to take lightly. If you don’t feel comfortable with your provider, don’t let it keep you from getting the care you deserve. Speak up for yourself, and don’t be afraid to walk away.

• Sam Bowman

The post GGN EMPOWERMENT :: Advocating For Yourself As A Queer Patient appeared first on TheGayGuideNetwork.com.

Monkeypox is here, as we are all too well aware. The WHO aims to rename the virus “MPVX” to counter stigma and racism (notice Western media using photos of black people in stories on monkeypox?) As the time of this posting, the WHO is also convened a meeting to determine if MPVX is a global health emergency.

But what do we do about the other big issue that has arisen?  The blanket association media and other voices have been making between MPVX and gay men is problematic in a multitude of ways.

From CBC to CNN, outlets have put focus on the sexuality of those who have acquired MPVX. (Funny: a disproportionate number of straight people first acquired Covid-19, yet their sexuality was not reported.) 

But now it’s a disproportionate number of gay men who have acquired MPVX, and so immediately much of mainstream media coverage has been infuriating and irresponsible. Most media have wasted no time in sometimes salaciously reporting this “gay link,” with very few outlets putting effort into offering some context, let alone telling the whole story. 

And that’s dangerous. We’ve been down this road to hell already. Do we want to travel it again?

Firstly, “gay men”  aren’t the whole high risk group. The at-risk include male-identifying people who fit any of the following: sex workers; those who have attended a sex club, bath house, or have had anonymous / casual sex, or two or more sexual partners in general in the past 21 days; and/or those who have had a bacterial STI in the last two months. 

But let’s just say “gay men” for the sake of argument. Why are we acquiring MPVX? Gay men socialize in intimate ways in large groups. We also meet and greet up-close; we hug, we kiss. We’re more sex positive, with many of us enjoying bath houses and saunas and sex parties and freely hooking up. We attend sweaty bump ’n’ grind dance events, as thousands will this Pride season, and we often travel long distances to get to them. 

Given this, and that the virus usually spreads through lose contact with someone with rashes / lesions (sex, sharing contaminated bedding, hugging, skin-to-skin contact) it’s not difficult to understand why gay men are higher risk. 

Experts also add two factors that explain why cases are being detected in our community first: our health providers being on higher alert, and our regular testing for sexually transmitted diseases.

But none of this is given airtime. That MPVX is moving through sexual contact but is NOT a sexually transmitted disease isn’t given airtime. 

It’s reported again and again as a gay man’s thing, the subtext of which can often be read as “because gay men attract and spread disease,” the end. No further explanation.

This irresponsibility opens us all up to stigma, demonization, blame and hate, similar to what we witnessed the gay community suffer for years with HIV/AIDS. We still bear the awful collateral damage of what that did to society’s perception of us, four decades in.

Our experience with HIV/AIDS is a hard-won lesson that would behoove mainstream media, public health officials, social media voices, and our community at large to learn as we deal with this latest virus. 

The consequences of not learning from the past are many: heterosexual people will assume they’re not susceptible; closeted men will avoid care so they’re not seen as gay; haters will exploit this new “gay disease” to fuel more hate at a time when hatred against LGBTQ+ people is on the rise. 

And if MPVX is seen as a “gay disease,” how are governments and businesses likely to care? They didn’t with HIV/AIDS for the longest time. Conversely, look at Covid, seen as affecting us all – and seen as a virus could have affected the health and wealth of those in the upper echelons of society. 

Every effort was made to get it  under control in record time.

It was like being in a time machine this week, when I overheard a gay man in the Village point to the hideously long line up of people waiting to get their vaccine crack to his friend: “Look: all the sluts are lining up for the monkey pox shot.” Hearing that took me back to the not so long-ago time when some gay men were calling other gay men “Truvada whores” when PrEP first came out, and then to a time much further away, when some gay men would point out with great distain other gay men who were rumoured to fuck bareback, before life-saving meds had come along, shaming them. 

We eat our own; another consequence of gay men accepting ownership of MPVX.

MPVX is anyone’s to acquire, and it’s important to warn the at-risk crowd, while not making MPVX AIDS 2.0.  We’ve got to get the message out to high-risk people, without making MPVX about us. 

Meanwhile, it’s important to push back against what we’re seeing in the media and elsewhere. Don’t accept that this is solely a gay man’s problem just because we’re higher risk, and because media keeps noting our sexuality, like a kind of fake news. Whether it’s your inner monologue about MPVX and yourself, or in conversation with or response to others, remind yourself it’s not a gay disease, and educate people around you. 

Someone’s got to do it right, it might as well be us. And if it’s not MPVX, it will be something else. South of the border this week, the Centre for Disease Control in the US just warned of an outbreak of the serious-to-deadly Meningococcal Disease in Florida among – you guessed it… gay men.

Get vaccinated, have a blessed Pride, and don’t take ownership of this, or any other disease. 

Otherwise it’s all just a miserable history repeating. Gay men deserve much better than that.

• Shaun Proulx, GGN Founder + Publisher

The post SOCIETY :: The Dangers Of Linking Monkey Pox To Gay Men appeared first on TheGayGuideNetwork.com.

GGN SOCIETY :: On April 20, Community-Based Research Centre (CBRC), Egale Canada, The Enchanté Network, and 2 Spirits in Motion Society launched a groundbreaking national survey to investigate the current state of health among Two-Spirit, Indigiqueer, lesbian, gay, bisexual, trans, queer, questioning, intersex, asexual, and other sexually and gender diverse people (2SLGBTQQIA+) in Canada.

The survey takes just 30-60 minutes to complete, will be available in English, French and Spanish, and participants will receive an honorarium for completing it.

Participants, who must be 15 years of age or over, will be asked a series of questions about their mental and physical health, their sex lives and relationships, caregiving, community connection, discrimination and violence, substance use, economic impacts, housing, and how they have been coping under COVID-19. 

The study team especially wants to hear from community members who are living with chronic health conditions (e.g.: diabetes, cancer, fibromyalgia, etc.) to ensure that people living with conditions that are often under-represented or less understood are included in this work.

As part of the survey, participants will have the option of receiving a COVID-19 antibody test in the mail. The goal of this intervention is to collect information on how many 2SLGBTQQIA+ people in Canada got SARS-CoV-2 (the virus that causes COVID-19). Participants will be asked to complete a Dried Blood Spot (DBS) test and return the sample to our affiliate laboratory in a prepaid envelope. This test is confidential, and participants can decide whether they want to receive the results. They can also choose to have their sample tested for HIV, hepatitis C, and/or syphilis.

Those completing a DBS test receiving an additional honorarium.

Take the survey.

CBRC’s Nathan Lachowsky joined GGN Publisher Shaun Proulx on his SiriusXM talk show for a deeper dive into the survey, including how conducting it during this pandemic ⎯ which is further changing the ways we work, socialize, get support, and build community ⎯ will help tell politicians, policy-makers, and service providers about the challenges and needs of our communities. Listen now:

• GGN

The post GGN SOCIETY :: A Groundbreaking Study Aims To Investigate Health Of 2SLGBTQQIA+ Canadians appeared first on TheGayGuideNetwork.com.

GGN Founder & Publisher Shaun Proulx and his SiriusXM colleague Arlene Bynon revisit what has happened with Sean Cribbin since they first broke the story almost three years ago after the serial killer, Bruce McArthur was arrested for 2 of the 8 murders he would eventually be charged with by Toronto Police.

Listen to the Interview with Sean Cribbin

Bynon and Proulx also talk with Cribbin about the new award-winning documentary about his experience in, Was I Next? The Sean Cribbin Story. 

Watch the trailer for Was I Next

The post GGN Radio :: What Happened To Sean Cribbin? appeared first on TheGayGuideNetwork.com.

The murder of George Floyd and riots that continue in America have caused millions to wake up to the epidemic that is anti-blackness.

These last several days have even pushed the hot subject of Covid19 to the back burner. The question in my mind was whether or not to publish this post, which was written early last week, thinking that the timing of it could read as tone-deaf. It’s about the rise in violence against LGBT people, pandemic shaming, HIV and Covid-19. 

None of us can survive under the assumption that what seems “outside” of our immediate sphere has nothing to do with us. If we are affected by racism, we are also affected by violence, homophobia, sexism, HIV stigma – all forms of prejudice. We need to collectively see difference as uniqueness and not as “separate” or threatening to one’s self. 

Recently, my friend Donald, who lives in the Church/Wellesley neighbourhood of Toronto, where GGN is based, was randomly punched in the stomach on Church St. by a woman, near the Maple Leaf Garden Loblaws. Donald was okay – his attacker obviously wasn’t – but Donald is now also a statistic; LGBTQ people are victims of violence over two times more than straight people.

Toronto Police data show assaults in the Village have fluctuated since January. 

There has been an uptick in break-and-enters. The pandemic has made the situation feel worsened; police sirens blare around here more than I’ve ever heard in two-plus decades of residing in the ‘hood. 

Some worried area residents have pointed to a homeless encampment at Barbara Hall Park as part of the problem. It was taken down by the city, like many encampments throughout Toronto have, but then quickly re-erected soon after. (Moving homeless people about – many with serious mental health issues – is not the solution for a growing situation this rich city and indeed this rich country ought to be ashamed of, but I digress.)

In this red hot moment of the zeitgeist, it doesn’t help the feeling of “open season” on us, that Toronto’s latest homicide victim was Peter Elie, a beloved member of our queer community, who was killed in his midtown apartment building mid-May. A suspect has been arrested; a motive remains unclear. 

The immediate festooning by those who mourned Elie’s murder of the windows and doorways of iconic bars Woody’s and Pegasus, where Peter DJ’d, with all manner of tributes was both beautiful and haunting. The flowers, notes and candles and framed photos and handmade expressions of love served to also underscore a growing troublesome feeling that violence against LGBTQ+ people is anywhere to be had around here in extra-trying times.

My friend Donald may have been punched in the gut but, correctly and admirably, still had the guts to contact the police.

A lot of us wouldn’t have. I was surprised – but not surprised – to read later in a Facebook post written by Donald that one of the two officers who paid him a visit “told me that I shouldn’t have my phone in front of me while walking and that the assault was my fault.”

I hope he filed a complaint. What raw nerve of the officer. You’d think – after taking an entire decade to find a serial killer, all the while assuring Toronto and it’s LGBTQ community there wasn’t a serial killer up to a month before arresting one – that police who are servicing the sacred space Bruce McArthur used as his personal safari wouldn’t have the gall that the officer who victim-blamed Donald so clearly did.

How long will actions like this, or police violence, brutality, and racial profiling continue against anyone not white, not straight, not like them?

You’d hope such impudence would not be behaviour of any member of a police force that failed us. Apparently not. But it is way too soon in my book for any police officer on the Toronto force to be anything less than contrite towards members of our community, or to anyone in the city.

Yet they aren’t; and they wonder why so many queers don’t want them having anything to do with a Pride festival.

I’ve had in my life had three encounters with Toronto Police and each of them was a disgusting experience.

Aggressive, assumptive, dismissive, fear-based and intimidation-filled, each of them. Donald being victim-blamed for someone randomly punching him in his stomach only adds to my high disregard towards the local force and I understand why it’s so that so many LGBTQ+ victims of violence are loathe to call and report violence or hate when it happens to them when even one of us gets this kind of treatment.

Would you call?

I hope nothing like what Donald experienced ever happens to you, but if it does, do yourself and our community a favour and do call the police, anyway. Don’t stay silent or let the potential bias and prejudice you may receive stop you. The police work for us, and it is pathetic they need to be reminded of this, to put it mildly. But remind them: we ought to feel safe outside our homes. Part of that safety is the responsibility of the police to live up to their slogan, “to serve and protect” the one written on the sides of the latest penis-extender cop cars in which they cruise the city, looking like something out of Dade County.

Speaking of shoddy treatment, these COVID times are challenging aren’t they? 

Hands up if you’ve had frayed nerves of late? It isn’t always easy to treat one another with kindness on purpose, and one place I’ve been seeing that challenge is on online sex hookup sites and apps. There, members seem divided into two camps: the resolute, stay-at-home-no-sex-with-someone-outside-the-home-whatsoever grouping, and those who are still looking to get it on. 

Many of the latter group report shaming, judgement and stigmatization (in a way that reminds me of the same foulness handed to sexually active men during the height of the AIDS pandemic). To those Judge Judy’s doing the do, I would ask you to consider dialling the pandemic shaming down a smidge. Not everyone is you, not everyone is as disciplined or strong. We never know what someone else is feeling or going through at any given moment.

Many MSMs I know are drastically lowering their encounters as harm reduction, while others are taking creative, valid precautions during sexual encounters, and this should be encouraged, not derided. As with AIDS, and similarly, with substance abuse, an abstinence-only approach can not only be ineffective, it can lead to poorer outcomes, including driving behaviour underground, which we learned from the AIDS pandemic. 

Use your power for good; anything less is an illusion of control.

You don’t have to agree with another person’s choices, and we know you’re not about to shag them, but none of us ever knows what someone else is going through that’s made harder or worsened somehow by a “See You Next Tuesday” response when they ask if you’re looking to play. We’re all making our way through this as best we can. No one is deliberately trying to do their worst, ever. 

Here’s a few links with sex-positive, helpful information to close out this post:

• I Zoom’d last week with a Montreal sex worker who continues to produce porn content during Covid-19 – and receives judgement and criticism for it – about how we inflict too much-unneeded pandemic-shaming on each other, which you can watch here.
• Compassionate and empathetic advocacy on this subject is being seen on social media, give a like to the Gay Men’s Sexual Health Alliance Facebook page to see what I mean.
• Fagdemic is also a must-follow on Instagram and Twitter. With a focus on PnP and hooking up during COVID-19 times, these socials, run by “a couple of community-minded fags” who “know of the limits government-funded agencies can speak to”, and who felt “in this moment we as a community need to model radical honesty and generous spirits” is one of my favourites follows this year for achieving just that. Kudos.
• Covid-19 has also challenged the HIV-positive community and the subject of their intersection and risks has been a topic of much confusion and much misinformation. To get the correct COVID-HIV intel, and have a chat about the newest in HIV treatment, we dropped in on Zahid Somani, whose two Village Pharmacy locations have served the Toronto LGBTQ community for years. You can learn more about COVID-19 and HIV here.

– Shaun Proulx, Founder / Publisher, GGN

The post Society :: A Punch in the Gut – Violence In the Church-Wellesley Village appeared first on TheGayGuideNetwork.com.

Just before Christmas last year, my friend Dolores Catania (Real Housewives of New Jersey fans will recognize her name) acquired for me something not many men are given: permission to enter and spend time in a women’s shelter in Paterson, New Jersey.

Inside the shelter, on a freezing early December afternoon, a day whose light was lost early to dark, I sat with some staff and residents, as Dolores unpacked bags of donated clothes she’d gathered for the women. A few kids, just babes really, were being exactly that, playing, whining, chatting in the background. With just one handheld mic, I taped an unusual, out-of-studio episode of my SiriusXM talk show (recent episodes are podcast here) as the women generously shared who they were, and what they lived to tell. It was a powerful experience I remain grateful to have been given.

The end result is not your typical radio, but it’s of my favourite shows I’ve ever done – keep reading and you’ll understand why.

A month later 2019 dawned, and Lifetime network began airing it’s riveting, shocking six-part documentary, Surviving R. Kelly. It captivated and appalled millions, and every talk show and entertainment news outlet covered the series and it’s lurid contents. I watched the whole thing as January became February – it was sad but incredible, must-see TV.

One reason for that was Drea Kelly. Though I knew nothing about the survivors of R. Kelly, my eye was drawn to Drea’s face instantly when – and despite – a whole sea of faces of survivors opened up in a sickeningly endless grid of women, on-screen, at the top of the series.

Drea, I found out quickly, is R. Kelly’s ex-wife. She has three children by him, and, as the documentary unfolded, she captivated me with her elegance, eloquence, strength and astonishing spirit.

If you saw Surviving R. Kelly, or shows like The View on which Drea appeared after the series aired, you know that she lived through unimaginable hell at the hands of her then-husband, and came thisclose to committing suicide to end the suffering of the heinous domestic violence she experienced with him.

Interviewing Drea for The Shaun Proulx Show two weeks ago – and before that, the women at the shelter in New Jersey Dolores took me to – has left me profoundly moved. I’m moved by the strength of these women to survive and overcome enormous struggle – struggle that makes the things I am working through in my life pale.

These women not only give me hope, are beacons of light, and most of all, they reinforce a truth I know in my core:

We each have within us what it takes to get through life’s toughest times. Just know that.. until you see that.

Many reading this right now are going through challenges that feel tougher than they are. Personally, right now I’m navigating what seems like too much at times. Problems problems problems; blah blah blah.

(It seems like too much at times.)

So this week, we’re sharing below both my kitchen table interview from the women’s shelter, and my conversation with Drea Kelly, with the intention of offering to you the same possibility to  feel the hope, light, gratitude, and inspiration about overcoming and moving through challenge and struggle  – that I did from these stars, and still do.

Shaun Proulx
GGN Founder & Publisher

PS: Speaking of stars, after taping at the women’s shelter, Dolores and I took her friend, a young man named Jeremiah, out for Burger King, his first meal in a day. Jeremiah was shy, but shared about his experience when he and his grandmother lived in a shelter:

The post SPIRIT :: Inspiration From Domestic Violence Survivors appeared first on TheGayGuideNetwork.com.

By Frankie Wallace

Marriage equality has been on the books in the USA since 2015’s landmark Obergefell v. Hodges, yet there’s still a long path to forge towards full inclusion in many facets of daily life. One notable example is the entertainment industry, where same-sex couples are still often treated as a novelty rather than a mainstream concept.

It’s true that Hollywood is making changes, but are they in the right direction? In what ways have these changes actually been helpful? Why does proper representation in horror even matter, in comparison to other genres?

Representational Pitfalls

Let’s dive down the rabbit hole of LGBTQ inclusion in the various forms of media, including TV shows, books, and movies, and consider the following:

• How often are LGBTQ characters portrayed? Are they portrayed in more than just Coming Out stories or melodramas revolving around the HIV/AIDs epidemic?
• How often are they more than a token side character, or the first character to be killed off because of their implied dispose-ability? (“Bury Your Gays,” anyone?)
• How often are these LGBTQ characters anything other than white, abled, and cisgendered?

Unfortunately, this LGBTQ inclusion problem is especially visible in the horror genre. 2017 was heralded as a landmark year for queer horror with four popular films expanding the purview of the genre. However, despite these films including queer actors, how often were those characters portrayed on screen also evidently queer?

Why LGBTQ Inclusion Is Important

The lack of (proper) LGBTQ inclusion is harmful in many ways. Due to social stigmas and discrimination, even in 2019, LGBTQ people are running into barriers when accessing things like healthcare, which is damaging their well-being. Diversity and inclusion in the nursing field are imperative for this reason. According to Duquesne University, researchers have found that LGBTQ healthcare obstacles, include gaps in coverage, social stigmas, and discrimination, among others.

What’s even more important is demanding proper representations of queer life in horror movies – beyond the Bury Your Gays trope, beyond the token gay best friend, beyond all of the things Hollywood believes to be “representation” – which in reality is only harming people in our community. LGBTQ characters have to be written as people first, especially in seemingly cookie-cutter places like horror films – characters who exist in a universe to kill zombies, slash murderers, or foil a monster’s nightly killing spree.

LGBTQ people shouldn’t exist to only fill a diversity hole in a cast, to be the expendable character to further the plotlines of the main character, or simply because a horror director needs to kill a character off for a particularly gruesome scene. These kind of depictions are not LGBTQ representation – they’re using LGBTQ characters as fodder and claim it’s representative, while potentially harming growth within our communities. This is exactly why good representation, especially in horror, is so important and refreshing.

Repping the Small Screen

True Blood

When “True Blood” aired its final season in 2014, it left a queer legacy in its wake. The show was a masterpiece of LGBTQ inclusion, with plenty of same-sex relationships cropping up alongside hetero ones, treated with normalcy rather than as a novelty, as well as a handful of LGBTQ undertones throughout each season.

But what good is allegorical LGBTQ representation? In comes Lafayette Reynolds, one of the first and foremost queer characters in the show, whose screentime alone is a beautiful example of why queer representation is so important in popular media. To quote Mikelle Street from VICE on the positive impact the character had:

“From the first episode, Lafayette’s sexuality and confidence were apparent. He wore his do-rags as if they were long flowing hair. It was a nod to cool black masculinity, but he appropriated it in his own feminized way… though I didn’t have the hutzpah to wear false lashes and eyeshadow like the Bon Temps resident, his occasionally dainty, sometimes delicate mannerisms always made me smile with familiarity.”

American Horror Story

The horror show that best followed the inclusive footsteps of “True Blood” is a no-brainer: “American Horror Story.” Now in its ninth season, the show is a phenomenon where gay characters are included in every season. This should come as no surprise considering that the show’s creator, Ryan Murphy, is openly gay and even faces frequent homophobia in the industry. So are two of the show’s main players, Sarah Paulson and Denis O’Hare. 

It’s wonderful and important for openly gay individuals to be involved in creating LGBTQ shows, because many people in power have had to hide their truth and have caused damage as a result. Murphy is currently shooting season two of “Pose,” which has become one of the most significant LGBTQ television shows in history. Murphy has used his position of power for good as he’s created the Half Initiative, which strives to provide more opportunities for women and minorities as directors. More people of power like Murphy should be using their privilege to affect change and positively impact the industry they’re in. 

Going Beyond the Tropes

Admittedly, Hollywood is growing more and more aware of the necessity of proper representation in media, whether it be for the LGBTQ community, people of colour, or more. People want diversity. People want new ideas and new stories because everything else has already been told, rehashed, remixed, and frankly is growing old.

While all genres have a long way to go when it comes to representation, the horror genre, in particular, has to address the way it treats its LGBTQ characters the most — perhaps by taking a page from “True Blood” and “American Horror Story” by keeping their gays involved in the story rather than burying them.

About the Author

Frankie Wallace is a recent graduate from the University of Montana and currently resides in Boise, Idaho. Wallace contributes to a variety of blogs online and enjoys writing about social justice issues and LGBTQ rights. 

Photo by ahmed adly from Pexels

The post Society :: The Importance of Proper LGBTQ Representation in Horror Media appeared first on TheGayGuideNetwork.com.

Here at GGN We Are Sex Positive

The expression of our sexuality and the freedom to have sex with whomever we want, has been a defining characteristic of the early gay-rights movement pre-AIDS. How things have changed, and yet, how some things have become worse.

Where did all this fear of sex begin and what is “Sex Panic”? In the queer community, “Sex Panic!” was a sexual activism group founded in New York City in 1997. 

The group characterized itself as a “pro-queer, pro-feminist, anti-racist direct action group” campaigning for sexual freedom in the age of AIDS. It was founded to oppose both mainstream political measures to control sex, and elements within the gay community who advocated same-sex marriage and the restriction of public sexual culture as solutions to the HIV crisis. The group has been depicted as a faction in a gay “culture war” of the late 20th and early 21st centuries.

Source

As long as we have had oppressive religions, there has been sex panic for the simple reason that sex is fun, liberating, and basic human behaviour. Sex is a form of creative physical expression that frees the mind, body, and soul to see beauty in the moment. Sex is a sensual experience, one that involves all our five senses and something that scares the bejesus (pun intended) out of Fundamentalists and Evangelicals. Case in point: the United States Vice President, Mike Pence, is afraid to be alone in the same room with another woman who is not his wife! (Source)

Speaking of Sex, Have You Met Alexander Chaves

GGN Publisher, Shaun Proulx talks sex in New York City with writer Alexander Chaves, who shares what a sex panic is, why we’re having a one, and for how long we’ll be having a sex panic. 

Come to Jesus…

I’ve often wondered why people scream during sex, “Oh GOD! OH MY GOD I’m cumming…!” Doesn’t it seem that sex would bring us closer to god, rather than push us away? The problem is not having or feeling a connection with “spirt” or your higher self in the moment of sexual ecstasy. Rather, religious doctrines (taken too literally and religious texts which have been too secularized) seek to control and suppress sensuality; the innate connection with nature we are all born with. The church seeks to demonize sex for the freedom it allows human beings to be creative and to think for themselves.

“It should come as no surprise that religious and cultural conservatives view joy, celebration, ecstasy, and exuberance as degenerate. For in their view, they are right: gay spirit undermines patriarchal power structures.”

Raymond L. Rigolisoso, Gay Men and The New Way Forward.

Sex Panic is an ideologically-based suppression of our basic human need for touch, intimacy, and sex – an absolute denial of that which makes us human. As queers we can teach humanity to let go of ego and ideologies and experience the sensuality of beauty, to recognize that beauty is natural – that beauty is found in the natural world, and that we as humans come from nature. Thus we express creatively what is only natural and what is truly normal.

Somebody, Please Think of the Children!

The Simpson’s creators knew what they were doing with the satirical, ”Think of the children” line by character Helen Lovejoy, the local minister’s wife.

“Think of the children” is a phrase that evolved into a rhetorical tactic. Used literally it refers to children’s rights, as in discussions of child labor. In debate, this plea for pity is wielded as an appeal to emotion which constitutes a logical fallacy.”

Source

This logical fallacy, “Think of the children”, can be seen in the misguided actions of the Ontario PC Party’s move to repeal the Ontario sex-ed curriculum – backwards by over 15 years, pre-iPhones, pre-everyone-having-internet-access, pre huge leaps forward in LGBTQ acceptance and equal rights (both Ontario and Canada).

Concerned parents, those limited by dogma and ideological thinking, or parents claiming, “We were not consulted”, will tell you they are only concerned with protecting their children. You can read more about the sex-ed panic in, How to Fight Doug Ford and the Ontario PC Party as LGBTQ+

Protecting Your Children From What?

Kids can learn about sex from their teacher in a pedagogical environment. They can do this is a safe and supportive classroom where they can ask questions, and learn about how to protect themselves from STIs, sexual bullying, and rape.

Or kids can access the internet, watch porn, or get the dirt on the street. Some parent with limited critical thinking skills will say, “We have software at home to limit access to unsafe website browsing.” Really? Can you control every minute of your child’s life when they are outside of the home, not under your helicopter-supervision?

The debate about sex-ed should not be based on the manipulation of emotions and the worthlessness of a logical fallacy. If you want to control what your children learn (or don’t learn) home-schooling and private schools are certainly options. Certainly, we should care about the children, BUT we should care about ALL children.

“The existence of gay and lesbian parents is a fact, not ideology. Proponents of anti-gay laws may be trying to ‘save the children,’ but the ultimate effect of such laws is to harm the physical and psychological well-being of millions of children currently raised by loving GLBT parents.”

Source

Renu Mandhane, Chief Commissioner of the Ontario Human Rights Commission, said in a radio interview in October 2018 about the Ontario sex-ed curriculum repeal, that,

“The goal of the Ontario Human Rights Commission is to ensure that vulnerable and marginalized people are protected however unpopular they may be in society.”

Renu Mandhane

Furthermore (and I’m paraphrasing), Mandhane goes on to say that ‘The curriculum needs to represent everyone who calls Ontario home. There’s a lack of knowledge some people have about other groups, but the solution cannot be an erasure of groups from the curriculum. What needs to happen with the future generation of students is a discussion about their human rights and their responsibility to other people.’ (From The Hateful Prejudice and Elitism that is Jordan Peterson – LOP056.)

Are Things Going to Get Better?

Probably not until they get a wee bit worse. Take for example the porn ban at Tumblr last year, when the site decided to ban and delete all readily available porn on the site. The challenge with Tumblr’s decision is that the “purge” would be managed by a computer algorithm. Many banned images and content could be queer-positive and may or may not be porn. The content could be artistic or creative, showing human bodies unclothed but not engaged in pornographic sex. Then there is the issue of sex workers (mentioned by Chaves in the video above) losing a safe place to promote their services.

Just last week, world-renown photographer Tom Bianchi was banned on Instagram. Here’s the image in question:

“Last Friday evening we saw that an actress in Paris, Marina Foïs, posted one of my Polaroids from The Pines as she has done in the past, to her Instagram account,” Bianchi told Out in an email interview.

Source

The next morning Bianchi discovery his Instagram account had been removed in its entirety for violating ‘Community Guidelines.’ His account was reactivated within a day after enough people contacted Instagram to support Bianchi.

My Hypothesis Is That Things Must Get Better. 

With the internet, the ability for new sites to spring up and take over from what has been lost, or for the ability to communicate quickly and widely, we have the power to make our queer voices heard. How we step together forward in unity (with open dialogue and empathy) or discord (mob-think and argument) will determine how quickly things get better.

In the meantime, don’t panic. Just have great sex, and in the words of Rodney Dangerfield,

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This morning on National Post Radio, Sirius XM Canada 167, GGN Publisher Shaun Proulx discussed the sentence given on Friday by Justice McMahon to the serial killer, Bruce McArthur. 

“When are you going to let that go?” a mate of mine asked just ahead of my interview on National Post Radio this morning about justice not being served here in Toronto Friday.

Bruce McArthur never let Andrew Kinsman, Selim Esen, Majeed Kayhan, Dean Lisowick, Soroush Mahmudi, Skandaraj Navaratnam, Abdulbasir Faizi or Kirushna Kanagaratnam go.

He wasn’t going to let Sean Cribbin go.

He wasn’t going to let “John” go.

Toronto Police, they let that man go. For years they let him go.

We, the LGBTQ2S+ community, said there was a serial killer. They let that go. We said we were living in fear. They let that go.

Justice McMahon, he let that man go. He let that man go to jail with a sliver of hope. Dark-skinned men, and men who have sex with men are worth less than others – they are not worth better police work, nor are they, or I (and you?) of equal value compared to those around us. Justice McMahon let that message go out into our collective mindset and be reinforced within our society.

Quebec City mosque gunman Alexandre Bissonnette will be eligible for parole when he is 67. The life of a Canadian Muslim is worth less than that of a white male Canadian. That idea was let go into the zeitgeist as well.

Let go of this: When three RCMP officers (POLICE) were killed in New Brunswick, justice was swift; Justin Bourque was sentenced to 75 years without parole. 

The police did not let Bourque go when their own were the victims.

Justice did not let Bourque go. Bourque will never go into society again.

The biases within those who purport to serve and protect, and those who claim to serve justice – against status-quo, homophobia, racism, Islamophobia – are festering and this is eight kinds of obvious.

That is where the letting go needs to happen. Not the other way around.

To put it quite plainly and simply: I lack greatly the self-loathing required to let any of this go.

Not without speaking out, however I can. Sick societies are born in silence.

I want to let this go, of course. And I will, probably sooner than later.

But how else do you first begin to let go, other than to say something, wherever you can?

You have a voice. Let it go. Let it out.

Happy Pride, Toronto.

~ Shaun Proulx

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BREAKING – Earlier this afternoon on The Breakdown – with Allison Dore & Arthur Simeon on Sirius XM Canada 167 – GGN Publisher Shaun Proulx shared his disgust with the sentence handed down by Justice McMahon to serial killer, Bruce McArthur who turned Toronto’s LGBTQ+ community into a hunting ground for over 10 years, preying on and murdering at least eight men that we know of. 

Proulx wrote an emotional response on his Facebook page, 

“Justice McMahon should be ashamed, removed, and this sentence re-given. I do not care one iota how old that man will be when 25 years is over or how slim the chances are of him getting parole. That he could ever hope to APPLY FOR PAROLE is another slap across the face of my LGBTQ+ brothers and sisters, to the memory of the 8 (and many more – do not kid yourself) innocent souls brutally murdered, and to their families. I feel shat on today and am reeling at this shameful, shocking twist in this sick sad saga. God help us all.”

Listen to the interview with Shaun Proulx, below:

The post Society :: Justice NOT Served: Bruce McArthur’s Sentence An Insult to Toronto’s LGBTQ+ Community appeared first on TheGayGuideNetwork.com.

Shaun Proulx was live on National Post Radio (Thursday, January 31, 2019) – SiriusXM Canada Talks channel 167 with Anthony Furey – to discuss what’s next for Toronto’s LGBT community in the wake of Bruce McArthur’s guilty plea deal. 

Proulx does not believe that eight is the magic number. The serial killer had to have been active decades before he arrived in our community and spent ten years terrorizing it. Where does this leave the already tattered relationship many of us have with the Toronto Police?

This is a tragic and very sad situation. It will be a long time before people can even begin to heal. McArthur may be getting sentenced, but this story is far from over.

The post Society :: Shaun Proulx Responds to Serial Killer, Bruce McArthur’s Guilty Plea appeared first on TheGayGuideNetwork.com.

AN UNSAFE SPACE is a new play by Richard Klagsbrun premiering at the Tranzac Club in Toronto.

Find out why Shaun Proulx calls the play, “Brilliantly written, clever, laugh-your-ass-off-funny, and my fave play of the year”, and why you must go see it before it closes this Sunday 20 January, 2019.

Proulx was so impressed after seeing the play last week, that he invited writer and director, Richard Klagsbrun, along with co-stars, Precious Chong and Craig Lauzon, to join him for a lively #ThoughtRevolution chinwag earlier this week on the Shaun Proulx Show, SiriusXM Canada Talks 167.

Listen to the completely uncensored version of the interview:

AN UNSAFE SPACE is a comedic play about free speech, censorship, and the ideologically-based suppression of ideas, as well as the stereotyping of people and their opinions based on their racial and ethnic identities. 

Inspired by an actual event at a major North American university, the play addresses these concepts in a biting, irreverent way that entertains while acting as a stimulus for people to think about and confront their preconceptions. Could this be any more perfect for a queer audience?

AN UNSAFE SPACE begins with a meeting of progressive academics who have gathered to find ways to foil a large donation to their department by a conservative benefactor. 

Joanna Whitney (played by Precious Chong), a Political Science professor, is hosting a meeting at her home with her colleagues, some of whom happen to be her friends. In attendance is Joanna’s romantic interest, an aboriginal lawyer named Oliver Waterman (played by Craig Lauzon). Curious to learn what his political stances are and how he interacts with her friends, Joanna experiments with letting her personal and professional relationships interact.

Oliver expresses strong opinions which contradict the expectations of what the academics believe a First Nations person would and should hold. The events lead to romantic and professional rivalries, disputes, and outrage over Oliver’s opinions and confront the characters with the necessity of having to examine their own outlooks and prejudices. 

Run, don’t walk to see An Unsafe Place before it closes this Sunday, January 20, 2019 at the Tranzac Club (292 Brunswick Ave.).

SUBSCRIBERS-ONLY CONTEST

Win a pair of tickets for the Sunday matinee final performance of AN UNSAFE SPACE with a special “After Talks” following the show, hosted by Shaun Proulx. Check your inbox for this week’s GGN newsletter with details on how to enter!

Not a Subscriber? 

It’s never too late! Click below to subscribe to The Good Life. If we draw your name to win and put it through out fancy cross-referencing machine (we call her Celeste) and Celeste doesn’t blow up, you get tickets!

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HO HO HO! Fashion Santa is in the house!

GGN Publisher Shaun Proulx sat down on Fashion Santa’s lap (AKA Paul Mason) for their annual tete-a-tete on the Shaun Proulx Show, SiriusXM Canada Talks 167.

Santa was dressed all in red, right down to his ruby shoes, outdoing Shaun’s cozy, cashmere-esque (looking like he’s so-ready-for-bed sweater-nay-housecoat). Just look at the two of them in the picture above! Don’t they look like they’re about to get all cozy on a thick rug by a roaring fire, with chestnuts in hand, and, since no one will be watching, one of snuggle blankets you can only order on late night TV?

#FashionSanta

The brain-child of supermodel Paul Mason, #FashonSanta works to make people happy, bring them joy, and raise money for meaningful charities. There’s a lot of ho-ho-ho-ing happening in this episode, and if you listen carefully, Proulx keeps making the moves on Mason (sounds more like, “hoe-hoe-hoe” to me, however it was clearly Mason making the first moves on Proulx if you listen to their first-ever interview here; ANYWAY WOULD YOU TWO JUST GET A ROOM!). But ’tis the season to be merry, and isn’t that what makes gay men so special? Sometimes we need to be a little bit naughty.

Hear the Mason and Proulx conversation now:

Mason has toured the world, working with the likes of Armani and Versace, and even graced the cover of Vogue. Proulx recounts when he first met Mason, at a party. Mason introduced himself at the time when Proulx was the afternoon drive host on PROUD FM, and told him: “Keep doing what you’re doing.”

Years later, Mason literally “became” Fashion Santa shortly after his mother passed away. He was so grief-stricken that he slept for six months during a depressed state, during which time he stopped shaving.

When he came out of his depression he had grown a full, white beard (perhaps not as sleek and styled as now) – Mason had literally transformed into Santa Claus. This was the beginning of #FashionSanta, and what would become a legacy to his mother’s memory.

In 2017, Mason was dealing with a very challenging legal situation around the ownership of his name-sake, Fashion Santa. He felt like the world was out to get him, convinced that he was right, and that he was being horribly wronged. Proulx, who coaches one-on-one, was with Mason on the phone, coaching him through his stuck-point about what was happening in his life.

Proulx asked, “Which would you rather be: happy, or not?”

Mason said, “Happy.”

Then Proulx asked, “Would you rather be right or wrong?” Mason respond, “I would rather be right”.

Then Proulx asked, “Would you rather be happy or be right?”

Mason said “Right.” And then understood Proulx’s point, made more clear when Proulx said simply, “Sometimes you have to give up your need to be right, so you can be happy.

Talking through these perceived problems helped Mason realize that he was making himself a part of the problem, and allow it to define him. In retrospect he realized that those challenges were “mind problems” – challenges with the way in which he was thinking at the time that were not allowing him to move forward in life.

Mason now spends most of his time attaching himself to a number of meaningful charities.

For the month of December he’s doing a special Fashion Santa Ritz-Carlton tour of four cities: Toronto, Boston, Miami, and D.C. (Georgetown).

In each location he will be working to raise money for different organizations. In Toronto the event is, Not So Silent Night, a fundraiser for Sick Kids Hospital. In Miami and Boston he will be raising money for the Boys and Girls Club of America, and in D.C. the Children’s National Hospital.

The #FashionSanta Initiative with the Ritz is about doing selfies photos with Santa in the beautifully appointed spaces of the Ritz Carleton. Guest make a donation, enjoy a drink, celebrate the holidays, and take a selfie with Fashion Santa. This is a unique way for a high-end brands like the Ritz to funnel donations into meaningful charities in a fun and interesting way.

If you are in the Toronto area on December 23rd and would like to come our for drinks, dancing, selfies with Fashion Santa, and help raise money for Toronto Sick Kids Hospital, get your tickets at www.NotSoSilentNight.ca.

Follow Paul Mason on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram. 

Shaun Proulx Media, Inc., publisher of GGN, had a fabulous, intimate pre-holiday thank-you gathering with special guest star, Woodford Reserve Whiskey.

Thankfully I had an invitation (being the editor has its benefits) and enjoyed the curated whisky tasting (the Reserve Double Oaked was my favourite) and dining experience with a three-course meal served in the Glass House at the elegant Spoke Club in Toronto.

I enjoyed a conversation with Fashion Santa on his “origin story” over a special Spoke-crafted Manhattan made with Woodford and the best cherry I’ve ever had (ahem) – can you say, “bottoms up”? Our host was thoughtful enough to give us Uber codes to “get home safely”. Funny how mine didn’t work. Was it because I had my mouth open half the time? Which, by the way, is how you sniff whiskey – with your nose above, not in the glass (as you would with red wine) and mouth open to allow the aroma to cross the palette. 

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GGN Flashback :: We celebrate the release of  Bohemian Rhapsody, the story of Queen and Freddie Mercury, in Canadian theatres November 2nd, with this re-release of a tribute piece published by GGN last year. 

Watch for an open-hearted performance from Rami Malek (Mr. Robot) – what he serves is is so buzz-worthy we bet he will garner an Oscar nod and possibly even win – for his Mercury. No one has ever met the challenge of playing the complicated musical genius formerly known as Farrokh Bulsara from Tanzania, East Africa  before – imagine how daunting. 

Malek’s intelligent performance hinges on Mercury’s humanity, as much as his flamboyance, which is impressive. A lesser actor might have propped their portrayal up with Mercury’s bigness, showing us a caricature instead of a man.

It’s worth seeing such a queer icon immortalized at last in a bio pic, even though the script is thin. We don’t see Mercury’s very busy sex life at all, and his acquiring of HIV/AIDS is downplayed, except as catalyst to drive the story to it’s inevitable conclusion. Then again, packing the life of a band like Queen and its lead singer into 90-odd minutes is impossible, no matter who tries.

Oh and warning: Mercury’s teeth in the film are so awful we had to look away sometimes to give our eyes a rest. Holy chompers. Mind you, the theatre was packed and we sat in the second row. 

“More space in the mouth, more range,” as Mercury states early on in the film, to dental detractors. The superstar had a comeback for everything, we learn.  We’re glad he’s come back, in spirit, in 20th Century Fox’s Bohemian Rhapsody.

Tickets: https://www.bohemianrhapsodytickets.com

Freddie Mercury was one of the most famous and flamboyant men in rock and roll history.

A man with one of the most powerful singing voices the world has ever heard; a man loved by heterosexual hooligans, glam boys, and everyday people. Freddie Mercury broke the rules. He took the rigid concepts of gender and not only bent them, but transcended them.

Gender Roles

Between the socially accepted extremes of sexuality and gender lies a vast spectrum of anything and everything else. These differences were initially observed by Dr. Alfred Kinsey in the U.S., who devised the Kinsey Scale in 1948 “in order to account for research findings that showed people did not fit into neat and exclusive heterosexual or homosexual categories.”

Kinsey, in his own way, opened the door of social acceptance to the LGBT community proving that human sexuality does not fit into any prescribed gender roles; that most of us fit into the spectrum that is indeed fluid from moment-to-moment. There is much freedom in being authentic and molding one’s own gender.

Glam

Gender-bending was part of the fun of  the Glam Rock movement that took the UK by storm in the early 1970s, lead by the super sexy and super androgynous Marc Bolen of T. Rex. David Bowie, Gary Glitter, Alice Cooper, and Sweet among others, followed in shocking suit with boys in make-up and long hair, wearing outrageous glitzy costumes and platform boots. While Bolen was a huge Glam influence, the man who fronted Queen took Glam, performance, and popular music to new heights previously unseen.

Of Glam, Freddie Mercury said in 1973, “We’re confident people will take to us, because although the camp image has already been established by people like Bowie and Bolan, we are taking it to another level. The concept of Queen is to be regal and majestic. Glamour is part of us and we want to be dandy. We want to shock and be outrageous instantly.”

The newfound sexual freedom of the time had many people exploring what had been previously considered taboo. Freddie Mercury was no exception – he began his sexual expression with bi-sexual experimentation before fully embracing his homosexuality. “I’m as gay as a daffodil, my dear!” he once said.

The Mercury Image

Freddie was born Farrokh Bulsara, to Persian parents in Zanzibar, attended an English boarding school near Bombay, and settled in the UK in 1964. He was a part of a post-psychedelic 60s movement that spotlighted sexual and gender experimentation and changed rock music forever. Glam inspired the New Romantics of the early 80s and the androgynous metal hair bands of the mid-80s, all the way up to modern acts like Lady Gaga, Katy Perry, and Adam Lambert.

Freddie sang with an amazingly powerful voice with an astonishing range, wrote classic generational anthems, and rocked and inspired millions of people. He predicted his legendary status and thought of himself as a “musical prostitute”. He was a star, he knew it, and he worked it: “I do deliver sex appeal. It’s part of modern rock. I sell sex appeal with my body movements on stage.”

His costumes, part of his onstage persona, were specially designed for him by Zandra Rhodes and later by Diana Moseley – from tight sequined or harlequin jumpsuits to macho leather jackets, and from dreamy floating caftans to regal ermine-trimmed capes, Freddie said, “I dress to kill, but tastefully.”

The Mercury Legacy

Freddie Mercury moved many of us for all sorts of reasons. GGN asked some staffers and friends what Freddie meant to them:

Freddie was a man comfortable in his own skin and that comfort continues to inspire other men to seek and hold their own confidence in their dress and their attitude. I love Madonna but he was the original “Express Yourself”.   – Shaun Proulx, Shaun Proulx Media

I think my impression of him now is mostly fantasy. He is wilder, crazier and gayer in my mind’s eye than he could possibly have been in real life. There are some lyrics or bits of live performance that steal you away from the purity of my original listens to the records, but if I go back to my young mind where gay and straight didn’t exist, I can hear Queen the way I like to hear them: without subtext, back story or bias – lovely.”  – Mark Wigmore, producer, JazzFM

Freddie Mercury was to my mind one of the gay world’s pioneers. He broke the hard ground of suspicion and intolerance and won acclaim and respect. I am saddened and frustrated by the fact he, and others like him, can’t see today what good he has done in winning us more acceptance. Ironically, I suppose, his loss has been our gain. – Barry

He was the showstopper, no question. He was easily one of the greatest performers ever. Performing was his gift–along with that superb voice! And truthfully, we all knew he was a gender-bender; that is one reason why I became more and more open to lifestyles like his. It made me realize connecting with both sides of our sexuality can produce great talent–the fruits of which will remain unforgettable. – Tim

– GGN 

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By Melina Baron-Deutsch, Alumni of Operation Groundswell

Operation Groundswell champions international LGBT+ engagement through connecting young Canadians with movements across the world.

As a program leader for Operation Groundswell, I had the opportunity to work closely with Tsanwa, a Peruvian LGBT+ advocacy group in the Amazon region. Based in Iquitos, the largest city unreachable by road, Tsanwa holds weekly meetings to promote LGBT+ community by building activities and organized actions.

Tsanwa, which means freedom in the local indigenous language Cucama Cucamilla, is best known for its role in establishing Peru’s first Amazon Pride March and Prideland Festival, honouring the Stonewall riots in 1969.

When meeting with Tsanwa, they mentioned that they’ve noticed family members and allies starting to participate in the parade and festivities, which signifies a cultural shift towards familial acceptance.

After initially meeting with the Tsanwa leaders to plan our time spent together with our Amazon Adventures crew, I was delighted to learn that Iquitos has a long history serving as a sanctuary for queer and trans refugees. Peru experienced a violent uprising of guerilla group, The Shining Path, in the 1980’s.

The Shining Path was known for targeting isolated regions of Peru, whose inhabitants were met with massacre when they refused to be recruited by Marxist-Leninist terrorist movement.

Among the victims of the wide-spread terror inflicted by this movement was the LGBT+ community. Tarapoto was a queer gathering spot best known as one of the last sanctuaries for trans women to congregate in the Amazon.

Fleeing from persecution, many queer and trans people left Tarapoto to seek new refuge in Iquitos. This marks the beginning of Iquitos’s renowned status of being and having a notorious and thriving underground LGBT+ community.

Local Loretan artists, such as Christian Bendayán, have beautifully captured the colorful queer culture that developed in Iquitos at this time and what it has since grown to be.

Our collaboration with Tsanwa largely focused on group-bonding and cultural exchange.

Upon our arrival, we were welcomed by locals with a warm meet & greet to introduce Operation Groundswell’s Amazon Adventure participants to members of Tsanwa. This event started as a series of informal ice-breakers and ended with a festive drag show and dance party, complete with karaoke.

I recall one of our cis, straight male participants disclosing to me his initial discomfort with the drag party. He later opened up about what he had learned from stepping out of his comfort zone, and challenging his own prejudices after being immersed in a queer space he would have never experienced otherwise.

Between the icebreakers and drag party, Tsanwa members shared deeply personal accounts about their experiences living as members of the queer and trans community in Iquitos.

Two trans women shared their heartbreaking tales of family rejection and how they had come to find a home and solace. A 19-year-old student shared a poem she had written commemorating the tragic story of two local lesbians, and encouraged us all to take action in our own lives by speaking up against discrimination.

The following day, our groups reunited for a day-long outdoor excursion in a quiet resort nestled along a river in the Amazon rainforest. The boisterous boys of Tsanwa cat-called other men from our boat that morning, much to the shock and chagrin of some of our more conservative participants. But by the end of the day, participants and Tsanwa members alike were laughing along to the silly gestures and humbling coming out stories.

As a queer woman and LGBT+ organizer myself, working with Tsanwa was an incredibly personal and invaluable experience. Their relentless pursuit of LGBT+ rights and commitment not only to community building, but broader cultural change, is a refreshing take on social justice. I noticed changes within our own group dynamics throughout our interactions with Tsanwa. Participants grew more comfortable to share and challenge their own notions of queerness while reflecting on our journey. They felt more comfortable asking questions in regards to LGBT+ terminology and sharing experiences, witnessing homophobia and transphobia in their respective hometowns.

As an organization whose tagline is “Backpacking with a Purpose,” Operation Groundswell’s approach to “voluntourism” and experiential learning is founded on four key principles: cultural literacy, power & privilege, solidarity, and environmental sustainability. The Amazon Adventure program works with a variety of community-based projects, but our cultural exchange with Tsanwa particularly exemplifies these first three principles.

Our participants come from all walks of life and yet we are all able to converge over controversial topics of diversity and inclusion through group activities facilitated by Tsanwa. I am excited to see the future growth of Operation Groundswell working in solidarity with other LGBT+ organizations in South America, such as the radical lesbian group Mujeres Creando in Bolivia.

Videos from Peru’s Organization Tsanwa

About Operation Groundswell

2019 programs are now open for application.

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By Ishmael Bishop

Since its origin in the late 1960s, Pride has referenced a coalition of grassroots organizers, community members, activists, performers, sex workers, and gender and sexual subversives who come together to celebrate the diversity within the LGBTQ+ community. Marsha P. Johnson was an architect to some of the earliest iterations of Pride and because of her resilience in the face of bigotry and discrimination, Pride lives to this day.

The original Pride was a riot incited outside the Stonewall Inn in Greenwich Village in New York City in 1969. Some historians consider the Stonewall Riot the spark to the modern LGBTQ rights movement. Others uphold Stonewall as a symbol of resistance to the social and political discrimination faced by the LGBTQ community and effectuated by the police.

While Pride proclaims itself to be many things to many people – including the harbinger of inclusion and civil rights in this country – Pride continues to provoke contradictions within those who have historically remained on the margins.

In 2015, a dramatic reproduction of the 1969 New York City rebellion titled Stonewall, directed by Roland Emmerich, was heavily criticized in the media for whitewashing history. Several online writers pointed to the film’s numerous erasures and its predominantly white cast as epic failures. In particular, protagonist Danny Winters (played by Jeremy Irvine) reflected the embodiment of white, cisgender queer politics – the exact antithesis of Marsha P. Johnson, who many allege threw the brick that sparked the riot.

In 2017, the Netflix documentary, The Death and Life of Marsha P. Johnson by David France, attempted to also recount the story of Johnson including her frontline participation in the original Stonewall riot. Following its debut, however, the documentary came under fire when France was accused of stealing research from activist, filmmaker, and writer Reina Gossett. In an op-ed, Gossett, a black transwoman and co-director of the film Happy Birthday Marsha!, takes particular issue with the lack of resources available to transwomen of color to create projects that celebrate members of their communities.

Gossett superbly highlights the contradiction between visibility, a long touted benefit of Pride, and the intensifying violence against trans people. She writes,

“It is more important now more than ever for trans and gender nonconforming people to be the architects of our own narratives. While trans visibility is at an all-time high, with trans people increasingly represented in popular culture, violence against us has also never been higher. The push for visibility without it being tied to a demand for our basic needs being met often leaves us without material resources or tangible support, and exposed to more violence and isolation.”

As Pride draws near, it is crucial that we learn and understand our history through the eyes of those who have struggled through it.

Johnson, a revolutionary black transwoman, sex worker, and drag queen, was often overlooked and cast out of mainstream LGBTQ organizing because of her gender identity, race, HIV+ status, and occupation. During her lifetime, Johnson suffered many abuses in both her personal and professional lives, all of which can be linked to her position as a black transwoman. What is even more unfortunate is that Johnson’s untimely death at 46 years of age remains unsolved, illustrating how the mainstream LGBTQ movement prioritizes some, in fact, defines itself by the death of a select handful, but certainly not all.

Johnson’s work toward liberation is well documented.

Following the events at Stonewall, Johnson joined the Gay Liberation Front with friend Sylvia Rivera. The GLF made it their mission to to improve the material conditions for LGBTQ citizens by eradicating homophobic laws and city ordinances. A 1970s newspaper titled Come Out stated that, “the Gay Liberation Front welcomes any gay person, regardless of sex, race, age or social behavior. Though some other gay organizations may be embarrassed by drags or transvestites, GLF believes that we should accept all of our brothers and sisters unconditionally”. Under this banner, Johnson and Rivera found a home.

In June of 1970, the first of the GLF marches took place in New York City. These marches, ones that Rivera and Johnson had hands in organizing, would develop exponentially and become what we in 2018 call Pride. That same year, Johnson and Rivera formed the Street Transvestite (now Transgender) Action Revolutionaries (STAR), a community organization that provided services to homeless LGBTQ youth in select U.S. cities and England. In the 1980s, Johnson became an outspoken activist with the AIDS Coalition to Unleash Power (ACT UP) with whom she protested on Wall Street against the inaccessibility of new HIV/AIDS medication.

Marsha P. Johnson’s engagement in the earliest iterations of Pride, and yet her struggle to sustain housing and mental health care, astutely demonstrates the contradiction inherent to participating in a movement that is ignorant of your humanity.

What is important to realize is that Johnson’s work transcended race, class, and gender in ways that the larger and whiter LGBTQ movement continues to not.

Gossett remarks,

“So much of what Marsha had to deal with remains a reality for many of us. Marsha’s history has helped me make plain the connections between the historical erasure of trans women of color from the LGBT movement, and contemporary forms of anti-black transphobic violence happening today.”

The Pride of Johnson’s era was a protest that sought to mitigate the woeful conditions that impacted New York City’s most vulnerable. Pride, at the time, was an opportunity to vociferously advocate on behalf of those who were most directly harmed by state power, the police, and the wider anti-LGBTQ infrastructure.

In the early 1990s, Pride began to coalesce into more or less what is today – primarily a celebratory event equipped with corporate sponsorships, concerts, party venues, and speed dating. Nevertheless, Pride remains a fertile site to demand political action. In 2017, the group “No Justice No Pride” – a collective of activists based in the Washington, DC who exist to “end the LGBT movement’s complicity with systems of oppression,” including the DC Metropolitan and New York City police departments – announced their public demands during the Capital Pride parade by halting festivities for approximately 90 minutes.

“We deserve to celebrate Pride without being forced alongside the Police who kill us,” said Angela Peoples, one of the participants in a No Justice No Pride statement. “Pride should be a haven for the entire LGBTQ community. The Capital Pride Board has shown who it’s prioritizing. No Justice No Pride is for everyone who has previously been excluded and for a different vision of what this event could and should be.” The “haven” that Peoples alludes to is shattered by the “Police who kill us,” an observation that keenly emphasizes the contradiction of Pride – contradictions that Johnson and her comrades were likely to have experienced on a daily basis.

Pride is a time to appreciate how far we have come as a community out of a place of abject cruelty and adversity to where we are now.

Clearly, there is still much to accomplish in the fight for equality and anti-discrimination. As Micah Bazant writes, “No pride for some of us without liberation for all of us,” which eloquently encapsulates the persistence of Johnson’s activism. Her life’s work teaches me that it is meaningless to take pride in shallow wins that improve the lives of some while so many others continue to suffer in silence.

Pride is not squarely an event for gay, cisgender, white men and women to enjoy and feel comfortable participating in. Rather, Pride is a rebirth of political energy. Marsha P. Johnson’s riveting model is one that I plan to follow during the upcoming month of Pride – one that I reckon you might as well.

“No pride for some of us without liberation for all of us.”

Ishmael Bishop is a graduate of the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill. He identifies as a black queer writer and editor who’s written for Mask and Scalawag magazines. More of his work can be read here. Contact Ishmael here.

This post was originally published on Th-Ink Queerly.

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Any time there is an “ism”, there is conflict; “ism”s in action move people into opposing camps that are at odds: men/women = sexism,  white/non-white = racism, and tall/short = heightism.

“Ism”s are based on the idea that one group or idea is superior to another group or idea, and these “isms” are born and only exist in the minds of the group that decided to divide the world up in the first place – i.e. the ruling class. With the means to spread messages and influence the masses, their biased’ “ism”s are imposed upon and absorbed by the public, and eventually, we’ve got a cultural division and a learned prejudice that can deeply affect society.

Cultural Belittling

Early in the 19^th century, the tension between England and France exploded into war. King George III led British forces against Napoleon, leader of the French Empire and its allies. Those wars have left a lasting impression on Europe and western society but in ways that we may not expect; it is my belief that this conflict introduced a concept the world hadn’t seen before: heightism.

Napoleon was 5’6 – average height for European men at the time.  Across the English Channel, the ruler of England was an unusually tall man. Seizing upon this difference, George III played out his contempt for France and its leader through satirical political cartoons published in British papers that spread the idea of conflict of stature: these images portray tall, red-coated George peering through a spy-glass at pint-sized Napoleon who he holds in his hand. George says to Napoleon, “I cannot but conclude you be one of the most pernicious, little odious reptiles that nature every suffered to crawl upon the surface of the Earth”.

This visual metaphor was English propaganda, and the ridicule of Napoleon as a smaller and weaker leader created the height (i.e. power) conflict which suggests that taller men are somehow superior to short men. This baseless concept left a lasting impression on the collective consciousness of English culture and all it touched – the British Commonwealth, including Canada.

Psychology

Heightism, like any other “ism” that pits one group of people against another, can cause us to distrust and feel hostility towards the group the ruling class deems “less than” – in this case, short men.

Interestingly, psychological heightism seems to only apply to men. Though women of varying heights will have their own set of physical issues to deal with (our bane is weight), we don’t live under height discrimination like men do.

However, women’s perceptions have been influenced by heightism – some women won’t date short men. Why? I don’t think it’s because short men aren’t attractive (they are!), but it could be that learned cultural bias that makes us see short men as inferior to tall men.  For example, this Business Insider article explains a lot about the perks and privileges of being a tall man; it cites Malcolm Gladwell who notes that tall men have more opportunities – and gives the example of the majority of Fortune 500 CEOs are “taller than the average man”.

I’m a men’s image consultant and I’ve worked with and surveyed many men under 5’8. Many of them tell me that they can feel overlooked and disrespected by society because they are short. Shorter men may feel discrimination at the office, in romance, and – in their closets.

Besides working with shorter men,  I am petite and 5’2, so I feel the pain of ill-fitting clothes. Average small, medium, large, XL sizing just doesn’t work for us – we are not average.

Short men, like petite women, need their own sizing system.

Height Inclusion and Specialty Sizing

Women have traditionally spent much more money than men on clothing, but men have become more style-conscious in recent years – they want to look good and take pride in their appearance and this means better grooming and better clothing.

But when we don’t fit average size, it’s always best to have clothes made for us – this is where made-to-measure or bespoke clothing for the gents comes in handy, but it isn’t an option for everyone due to cost. More affordable clothing is mass-produced and uses clothing patterns designed to fit the “average” measurements for practical reasons (though noted – so few of us truly fit “average”). In recent years however, consumers – specifically female consumers – demanded affordable specialty sizing – i.e. women’s petite or plus-sized clothing – and the clothing industry delivered.

Men have not had this luxury. “Average”-sized garments are cut to fit the tallest “average” wearer, so this leaves the shorter people sloshing around in too-long shirts, pants, coats, jackets, etc., and this can have an impact on self-esteem. For men who may not think to take their clothes in for tailoring, they end up wearing sloppy, ill-fit clothes that will do nothing but diminish their stature, attractiveness, and their confidence.

But help could be on the way.

Last week, I sat on a panel to discuss height inclusion in menswear at Ryerson University’s Fashion Department in Toronto. With me was Henry Navarro, an Associate Professor at Ryerson’s School of Fashion and researcher at Sastro Circle, an organization that supports the  inclusiveness and diversity within the fashion industry by celebrating style for men who are 5’8 and shorter, and Marilyn McNeil-Morin, Director of the Fashion Exchange, and manufacturing and fit expert.

The discussion was fascinating – I learned from the audience as well as my fellow panelists, and I can say that for men 5’8 and under, the future looks bright! With a return to “clothing fit consciousness” + technology, shorter men will at last have the opportunity to dress in proportioned, well-fit clothes to to fit them, not the “average”.

This clothing revolution would change everything for the better for men 5’8 and under; maybe then we can leave the political motives of a dead king in the past.

By Leah Morrigan, men’s image consultant and GGN Editor

The post HEIGHTISM :: The Sartorial Rise of Short Men appeared first on TheGayGuideNetwork.com.

THE GENTLEMAN PIG :: A Guide On How To Not Be A Douche

Dear GGN Reader,

In order to interview one of my heroes, LGBT icon Larry Kramer, over a decade ago, it took letters from New York City influencers advocating on my behalf, after my initial outreach, to get him to pay attention to my request and agree to it. (After he acquiesced and before we at last spoke, I was apprised of the kinds of things Kramer “didn’t cotton to,” a forewarning about not wasting his time.)

Kramer (because LGBT history is not everyone’s A+ subject,) was nominated for an Academy Award for his screenplay, Women In Love, in the late 1960’s. His 1978 novel, Faggots, about 1970’s gay promiscuity won him much derision from those he confronted. When AIDS began killing our forbearers, Kramer cofounded the Gay Men’s Health Crisis, now the world’s largest private AIDS service organization, and his political activism continued with the founding of ACT UP! He wrote the widely loved play, The Normal Heart, was a finalist for a Pulitzer Prize, and has won the OBIE –  twice.

And that’s just a Coles Notes bio.

I fairly held my breath when we first began to speak on the phone – I wanted to do a good job badly – and was therefore so pleased, ninety minutes later, when we said our good-byes, when the infamously ornery Kramer told me: ” Shaun: I genuinely enjoyed this.”

Far less pleased, after I hung up. In a moment that tested my humour, temper, and sanity, my laptop immediately died. A cosmic joke I still don’t find funny, the Kramer audio and my 90-words-a-minute note-taking were lost.  Forever; I spent time and money trying to recover them, with no luck. I didn’t have the nerve to ask for a re-do.

That Mac attack remains one of the biggest disappointments of my career.

Years later, I’ve been thinking of Larry Kramer a lot, especially since divorcing and enjoying single guy sex again for the first time in almost a decade.

Kramer is now 82. There are not a lot of gay men of that age who exist, because, of course, a horrific percentage of Kramer’s generation were wiped away by AIDS; the ones who dropped like flies. Mine, the one after, is therefore a generation of lost boys.

Because AIDS decimated those before us, guys like me have had shockingly few role models showing us, as gay men, how to grow up and grow older; how to be a great gay. 

I personally feel it’s incumbent on myself, and my gay male peers, to make sure we do the best job we can in showing those coming up behind us what being a gay man means. (As best we can, of course, given that we, the ones who escaped – though not unscathed – are still making our way through the dark shadow AIDS cast over us, and still does, as we age without much guidance. But that’s still no excuse not to guide and be uplifters for those around us.)

Larry Kramer once said: “I love being gay. I love gay people. I think we’re better than other people. I really do. I think we’re smarter and more talented and more aware and I do, I do, I totally do. And I think we’re more tuned into what’s happening, tuned into the moment, tuned into our emotions, and other people’s emotions, and we’re better friends. I really do think all those things.”

I love and agree with all of that. Except one part.

We aren’t better friends. At least not in the world of online sexual hooking up, an orbit I’ve spent time in since I found myself suddenly single. While I’ll let whatever romance life has in store happen organically, I like hunting for casual sex with the touch of a button (though that course-corrected once I concluded last summer – despite multiple police denials – that a serial killer was on the loose… but that’s another story.) 

You could argue that someone you hook up with isn’t a real friend. But if you can call someone you’ve never even met a “friend” on Facebook, surely we can call those we allow inside our homes and bodies “friends” of a sort.

It is wonderful to metaphorically roll in the mud and the muck with other guys who call themselves “pigs.” And those who don’t identify that way – but are.  Which is where I must disagree with Kramer. 

We might have once been better friends, but if what I’ve witnessed and experienced, we are failing each other horribly now.

How some treat others in this modern gay sex scene, actually brings to mind another Kramer-ism: “We are not crumbs. We must not accept crumbs.”

From ourselves, and from each other… yet we do. We, appallingly, shockingly, behave like mean girls, and we lie, and we steal, and so much more. (I even once had my jeans, wallet, phone and keys stolen at a trick’s. Another story too, but let’s just say it ain’t easy getting home without your pants!)

This is all beneath us. I think we’re better than other people. I really do. 

We, one of the most historically persecuted groups of people in the world, need to get our act together. Many of us, at the very least. Like many of you, I’m so upset by how it seems the police seemingly did not take better care of the LGBT community, as I watch the sickening Bruce McArthur case unfold.

But, if we want people on the outside to take care of us, shouldn’t we demand the same thing of ourselves and each other, here, on the inside, in the thick of it all? One way we can is whenever we do one of the things gay men do best: hook up and fuck.

And so it’s in this spirit that we present for your consideration: The Gentleman Pig: A Guide To Not Being A Douche.

Please let’s take better care of each other. 

Shaun Proulx,

Publisher- TheGayGuideNetwork.com

Pigs abound. But it takes self-awareness and self-actualization to straddle who you are sexually and bring forward the compassionate, kind, honourable, grown up side of yourself – one we all have access too if we choose – which I’ll call your gentleman side.

Rather than describe what a gentleman is, let’s look at what he’s not: A gentleman is not a douche.

Douches steal. Lube, poppers, cock-rings, jewellery, laptops, jeans (!), party favours, eye-cream, lip balm, smart phones, hard-drives, and shoes are not take-home gifts. (Neither are phone charging cords, so I started to use bright LED charging cables, which no one can “whoopsie” out the door, “thinking” they was theirs – even though they asked to use yours because they never brought any.(I got mine here.) Douches, stop taking people’s belongings. To you it might just be an item to nick you think your host or guest will just replace, but sentimental value is a real thing, feeling violated is, too, as is feeling through evidentiary experience like you cannot trust people. Grow up.

Douches come to your place under the auspices of sex, but really just want the roof over your head and free WiFi. I had to laugh when complaints arose about a downtown high-rise complex I live near: tenants were finding people sitting in the stairwells. One expert in the media suggested it was homeless people coming in from the winter’s cold. Perhaps, but I’d wager elsewhere: It’s guys sitting close enough to the apartments of the trick they just left to keep using their wi-fi.  Grow up.

Douches stay on their phones: Unless you were invited specifically to come by and sit on your phone and ignore me, on unless you said, “Hey, wanna come by and watch me type on my device?” put your phone away – guest or host. It’s the height of rudeness, it’s sometimes symptomatic of dopamine imbalance, and there is nothing hot about sitting next to someone who has gone down what I call the Rabbit Hole. Grow up.

Douches don’t know when to leave. “Get out. You’ve been here for 35 hours. I said my girl friend is coming by in ten minutes and I smell like you and me. So I need time to shower because I respect myself and my girlfriend … so why are you still telling me about your bitchy sister in Cornwall, like you were when we were shagging? Get out! This is awful!” Grow up.

This portion of our post is brought to by the word “punding.”

Douches bring nothing to the table. Or to the bedroom. They mooch. They need your shower; they need your towels; they need your toiletries; they need something to drink – usually something very specific like a fruit  juice with no pulp – your Imodium; your baby powder; they need a fresh tee shirt, they need a minute; they wonder if you have any favours; they could use a cigarette. Douches prefer one kind of lube over the other and they use it in vast amounts but they didn’t bring any – even though they know they need it – and: got a cock-ring? Or, even better: some Viagra? Douches rarely have money – or an orange or a newborn goat – in exchange any of this… which brings me back to favours. What makes you think the person you are with should gift you at least  $100 or more in free goods because you are standing there on your phone ignoring him? Get out. Go! Grow up.

Douches gossip. After performing intimate sexual acts together with another man or men, a douche turns into the Rona Barrett (or for you whippersnappers: Perez Hilton) of your local sex scene. Breaking all sacredness, trust, and the energy of the prior exchange, it’s important for the douche to point out your ad online and share with those he is now with that you’re into whatever you both got into. Of course, the douche is NOT into it. But you are. And now, everyone knows. Not that you should be ashamed. But he should. Douche. Grow up.

Douches are hypocrites. They say they only play safe, but they bareback, lie to themselves and their friends about it, and then condemn and criticize those who do exactly the same but without the self-loathing part, which self-loathing douches hate. And remember “Truvada Whore?” Don’t hear that term as much now that the cost-prohibitive drug is more easily accessible and hypocritical douches everywhere are on it, do we? PrEP is a miracle and we attacked first users? Grow up.

Douches are awful guests. If I invited you to my home for dinner, would you show up at the door with someone else who is a stranger to me and whom I didn’t invite? Would you sit there and say absolutely nothing to me, but eat all my food?  Would you completely ignore the other people at the table, because they aren’t your cup of tea? Would you be on your phone, inviting other guys over, unbeknownst to me? Would you complain you don’t like the music can we change it, ask for more more dessert, more dessert, more dessert, more dessert, even taking someone else’s dessert when you are trying to pass it to them and consuming it for yourself – even though you brought nothing with you as a simple rule of thumb right out of Guest 101?  Would you begin video tape us all eating, or cam us live without permission? Grow up.

Douches don’t say thank you. Have you been a guest at a guy’s home who basically ignores you once sex is done? Or perhaps you entertained, and then after,  watched your guest put his clothes on and leave, wordlessly? Call me old-fashioned, but I think if fluids were exchanged, a hug, a pat on the shoulder, a smile, a thank you, is appropriate. Some of my best friends are guys I met having sex. We’re taking 25 and 15, and 5 year friendships all because of manners  after the fun. This is what you deny yourself access to when you choose to be a douche. Grow up.

Douches employ computer courage. Oh the snark, rude, abrupt, pissy things we’ll type and then fire off when hidden behind the safety of a device. Unless you would be willing to look the person directly in the eye and say it to their face, don’t say it. Grow up.

Douches don’t answer online sex responses if they are uninterested, but grumble like Mama June in her early diet days if you don’t answer theirs. You get back what you put out and that’s just quantum physics and Universal law. Grow up.

Douches don’t know history. Or even present. A serial killer has killed at least five of our gay brothers, here in Toronto, here in Canada, here in North America, here on our planet,  as of this writing. For over thirty years a dis-ease took the lives of millions of our own and still does. We owe it to them, to ourselves, and to each other, to treat one another better than we do. If we don’t take care of ourselves and each other, we can’t expect others to honour us to such a high degree. Grow up.

Douches negate and discount: Especially when we are in each other’s presence and especially when we are in each other’s homes. Both are sacred spaces. Lying, stealing, diminishing,  – everything mentioned above – and I don’t care how high you are on what you’re high on – is wrong.

Douches don’t know their drugs: I know a lot, especially about crystal methamphetamine, having been the first journalist in North America to authentically share his experience with the drug, in 2004. Know your poisons. It doesn’t matter what the most popular recreational drug is, if it’s not for you, don’t do it. You know it’s not for you when you start thinking there’s a camera behind the art, someone in the closet, people in the hallway, others talking in another room, or that the police are coming, or shouting “TIM!” at apartment buildings. Those are also signs you need some sleep and something to eat, so heed them. You know a drug isn’t for you if you wake up hours later and don’t know who was inside you. I know lots of guys who love to go all night or all weekend – but who do so on whatever they choose, not what everyone else appears to be doing – and the end result is a lot of healthy respectful fun. That said, I am not telling you not to do drugs or to do them, to me it’s fine one way or the other. What isn’t fine though is not knowing yourself or respecting yourself. If you are walking down the street looking like you are furiously playing the piano, if no one understands a word you are saying, if you are sweating like that time I was  a virgin at the prison ball, it is time to pull back a moment and think about how you could manage you better.

A lot of guys I talk to blame the arrival of crystal meth on our scene (and her refusal to leave the party,) for douchery and while it may contribute, I know lots of gentlemen pigs who enjoy the letter T and don’t douche out all over you  – so the argument to me is blame game nonsense. (Drugs of all kinds have historically been part of the experience of some gay men and while the arch bitch in every gay man exists and we can be catty, I hope I’m being clean that I am talk talking about complete demoralization, disregard, lack of feeling or empathy that continues to grow and fester.) This is about men treating each other like they have not value. It’s about men being douches to each other.

Grow up. Even in the most casual or anonymous scene, you have a choice about going high or low.

Know this if you choose the latter: There is nothing enlightened about playing small. It doesn’t serve you, us, or the world.

In no way am I perfect. Approaching 50 years of age this summer, of course, there have been lots of times I was a douche. But primarily I am kind. Primarily I am respectful. All while being shockingly fun, according to at least 1001 reference.

I’m old enough now to have seen times when we gay men had each other’s back – as a rule. What I see now, sadly, are gay men lacking self-esteem and treating others from that low-level.

We are better than that. We have to be better than this. We have to help each other. Grow up. No one likes to be told to grow up. It likely got pretty annoying getting to this point of this post, with me saying grow up like I have. But grow up. Behave with a measure of honour, and be proud to be gay because it is a blessing, and be proud to be with guys naked and being gay with them, in each other’s homes, in each other’s bodies.

Take care of you, take care of him, take care of them.

It’s uncomplicated. So can we stop making it so?

Be a gentleman. Pig.

Shaun Proulx is the publisher of TheGayGuideNetwork.com. He hosts The Shaun Proulx Show on SiriusXM 167 where everyone from Oprah to Micahel Alig have ben guests. He leads a #ThoughtRevolution about busting through personal limits on ShaunProulx.com. He is a gentleman pig.

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