Just before Christmas last year, my friend Dolores Catania (Real Housewives of New Jersey fans will recognize her name) acquired for me something not many men are given: permission to enter and spend time in a women’s shelter in Paterson, New Jersey.

Inside the shelter, on a freezing early December afternoon, a day whose light was lost early to dark, I sat with some staff and residents, as Dolores unpacked bags of donated clothes she’d gathered for the women. A few kids, just babes really, were being exactly that, playing, whining, chatting in the background. With just one handheld mic, I taped an unusual, out-of-studio episode of my SiriusXM talk show (recent episodes are podcast here) as the women generously shared who they were, and what they lived to tell. It was a powerful experience I remain grateful to have been given.

The end result is not your typical radio, but it’s of my favourite shows I’ve ever done – keep reading and you’ll understand why.

A month later 2019 dawned, and Lifetime network began airing it’s riveting, shocking six-part documentary, Surviving R. Kelly. It captivated and appalled millions, and every talk show and entertainment news outlet covered the series and it’s lurid contents. I watched the whole thing as January became February – it was sad but incredible, must-see TV.

One reason for that was Drea Kelly. Though I knew nothing about the survivors of R. Kelly, my eye was drawn to Drea’s face instantly when – and despite – a whole sea of faces of survivors opened up in a sickeningly endless grid of women, on-screen, at the top of the series.

Drea, I found out quickly, is R. Kelly’s ex-wife. She has three children by him, and, as the documentary unfolded, she captivated me with her elegance, eloquence, strength and astonishing spirit.

If you saw Surviving R. Kelly, or shows like The View on which Drea appeared after the series aired, you know that she lived through unimaginable hell at the hands of her then-husband, and came thisclose to committing suicide to end the suffering of the heinous domestic violence she experienced with him.

Interviewing Drea for The Shaun Proulx Show two weeks ago – and before that, the women at the shelter in New Jersey Dolores took me to – has left me profoundly moved. I’m moved by the strength of these women to survive and overcome enormous struggle – struggle that makes the things I am working through in my life pale.

These women not only give me hope, are beacons of light, and most of all, they reinforce a truth I know in my core:

We each have within us what it takes to get through life’s toughest times. Just know that.. until you see that.

Many reading this right now are going through challenges that feel tougher than they are. Personally, right now I’m navigating what seems like too much at times. Problems problems problems; blah blah blah.

(It seems like too much at times.)

So this week, we’re sharing below both my kitchen table interview from the women’s shelter, and my conversation with Drea Kelly, with the intention of offering to you the same possibility to  feel the hope, light, gratitude, and inspiration about overcoming and moving through challenge and struggle  – that I did from these stars, and still do.

Shaun Proulx
GGN Founder & Publisher

PS: Speaking of stars, after taping at the women’s shelter, Dolores and I took her friend, a young man named Jeremiah, out for Burger King, his first meal in a day. Jeremiah was shy, but shared about his experience when he and his grandmother lived in a shelter:

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SPIRITUALITY :: When somebody intentionally acts in a negative way to hurt someone – through cheating, stealing, lying, slandering…you name it – the hurt person typically re-acts either by lashing instantly, or letting it go. Many who “let it go” do so because they believe karma will work its magic.

How many times have you heard, or, said: “Karma is a bitch” – the subtext being that  karma is a mean girl who will get back at whoever put the mean out first?

Karma is the Sanskrit word for action. Think of karma as the spiritual equivalent of Newton’s Law of Motion. “For every action there is an equal but opposite reaction.” Karma suggests that when we exhibit a negative force of thought, word, or action, the same negative energy will come back to us.

However, karma is not meant to be a punishment. It is here to educate people. How else is someone going to learn how to be a good person if they are never taught that harmful action is wrong. A person only suffers if they have created the conditions for suffering.

These are the basic rules of Karma, that can make life easier

CAUSE & EFFECT

To receive happiness, peace, love, and friendship, one must BE happy, peaceful, loving, and a true friend.

Whatever one puts out into the Universe will come back to them.

CREATION

Life requires our participation to happen. It does not happen by itself.

We are one with the Universe, both inside and out.

Whatever surrounds us gives us clues to our inner state, surround yourself with what you want to have in your life and be yourself.

HUMILITY

One must accept something in order to change it.

If all one sees is an enemy or a negative character trait, then they are not and cannot be focused on a higher level of existence. 

GROWTH

“Wherever you go, there you are.”

It is we who must change and not the people, places or things around us if we want to grow spiritually.

All we are given is ourselves. That is the only thing we have control over.

When we change who and what we are within our hearts, our lives follow suit and change too.

RESPONSIBILITY

If there is something wrong in one’s life, there is something wrong in them.

We mirror what surrounds us, and what surrounds us mirrors us; this is a Universal Truth.

One must take responsibility for what is in one’s life.

CONNECTION

The smallest or seemingly least important of things must be done because everything in the Universe is connected.

Each step leads to the next step, and so forth and so on.

Someone must do the initial work to get a job done.

Neither the first step nor the last are of greater significance. They are both needed to accomplish the task.

Past, Present, and Future are all connected.

FOCUS

One cannot think of two things at the same time.

If our focus is on Spiritual Values, it is not possible for us to have lower thoughts like greed or anger.

CONSISTENCY

If one believes something to be true, then sometime in their life they will be called upon to demonstrate that truth.

Here is where one puts what they CLAIM to have learned into PRACTICE.

PRESENT

One cannot be in the here and now if they are looking backward to examine what was or forward to worry about the future.

Old thoughts, old patterns of behavior, and old dreams prevent us from having new ones.

CHANGE

History repeats itself until we learn the lessons that we need to change our path.

PATIENCE

All Rewards require initial toil.

Rewards of lasting value require patient and persistent toil.

True joy comes from doing what one is supposed to be doing, and knowing that the reward will come in its own time.

REWARD

One gets back from something whatever they put into it.

The true value of something is a direct result of the energy and intent that is put into it.

Every personal contribution is also a contribution to the Whole.

Lesser contributions have no impact on the Whole, nor do they work to diminish it.

Loving contributions bring life to and inspire the Whole.

Easier to say than to consciously practice each one of this rules, or as I call them, suggestions, but working on each one a little bit every day, will make life easier for your own self and the ones around you.

-Polo Izquierdo is a dreamer who videotapes life in an effort to understand it. Find him on Twitter * Facebook * Vimeo

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UPDATE :: Rev. Brent Hawkes was found not guilty of indecent assault and gross indecency in a Kentville, N.S. court on Tuesday January 31 by Judge Alan Tufts, who said he found inconsistencies in the testimony of the witnesses.

April, 2016 :: Earlier this month, Reverend Dr. Brent Hawkes pleaded not-guilty to decades-old sex-crime allegations. None of the allegations have been proven in court; Hawkes trial is set to begin November 1 in Nova Scotia.  A fund to support Brent Hawkes has been established.

Here is our never-before published  2014 conversation with the LGBTQ icon:

Shaun Proulx: You’re a hero of mine, for your work in your church, your work outside of the church as a leader of the Human Rights movement here in Canada, and around the world. Do you step into a role like that, or does the role like that step into you?

BH: I think it’s an evolving situation. Certainly in the early days, MCC Toronto had to be one of the leading institutions dealing with human rights because a religious attack requires a religious response. One of the things our church has done very effectively every time the religious right attacks any gay rights movement or legislation – God versus gays; whenever they’re successful at that, we lose – has been to under-cut that argument, and to be up-front as a religious institution.  Calling in other faith leaders from other traditions, doing press conferences and petitions so that they can’t say it’s God versus gays. I happen to be a stubborn Maritimer, who was raised with “you don’t mess with my family you don’t mess with my friends.” So you bring the best of that small town mentality of really caring about other people.

SP:  I can’t help smile when I see you. I was at a restaurant months ago and you came over to my table to say hello, and I said, “Please come on my show”, but it’s so hard to get you. The pace you maintain would make a man in his early twenties drop.

BH: When you’re excited about what you do, you’re ready to put more into it, you put up with a lot. I get a lot of speaking engagements, the church is a large church, there’s a lot of administrative work around the church, so it’s a busy place.

SP: Has it always been easy to make MCC welcoming to everyone?

BH: It was easy to be welcoming to the gay and lesbian community in the early days because there were so few places where gay and lesbian people could worship, be spiritual, be sexual, and celebrate who they are, so that part was, I think, relatively easy, creating a safe space.

Over time we had to learn what it was like when more and more heterosexual people came to the church, and really loved what they saw, and wanted to be a part of the church.  I think today, the shift now is more about inclusiveness around different faith perspectives. More recently, one of the main beliefs of our church is that there are many paths to God, and Christianity is one of those paths. So we see more and more folks coming to the church who have no church background, who would call themselves a skeptic or an atheist, or who would be from other religious traditions that either can’t find a place there that they like, or more often, can’t find one that’s exciting. We call ourselves a VIP church, vibrant and inclusive and progressive.

SP: What do you make of what I call spirituality, which, to me, has an absence of “a being” and more of “an energy”. Is that something that you explore, accept, encourage?

BH: Yes, absolutely! Some of the most recent research has shown that there’s a huge shift away from religion that is not toward atheism or secularism. It’s toward spirituality. So in the old days, people would say they’re religious, then they said they were more religious than spiritual, now their apt to say they’re more spiritual. But when people define that, they define spirituality as a sense that there’s something more, I don’t know what it is, but a sense that there’s something more, as a sense of awe and wonder and gratitude, and they define religion, in its best forms, as community and tradition. So I like to put those two things together. People can say they can practise their spirituality anywhere, and my response is, “but do you?” 

SP: I have forever seared in my memory the same-sex wedding that you performed wearing a bulletproof vest, in defiance almost of the messy laws going on in Canada, taking advantage of the fact that we were in Ontario, and causing things to happen that lead to a guy like me to be able to get married. What do you make of the Human Rights movement now, compared to where it was then?

BH: It’s unbelievable. I became the pastor of our church in 1977. People were routinely kicked out of their jobs just for the rumor that they were gay. People were kicked out of their apartment buildings by their landlords if the landlord found out that they were gay. People were denied public services; people couldn’t get into the hospital emergency rooms to see their partner, if their partner was dying, because hospitals defined family. So it was a pretty scary situation. We’ve seen dramatic changes in that direction, in North America, in Canada in particular, and we have lead the way. However, and I always do the “however”, there’s still a lot more that needs to be done.

SP: When you have done the work you’ve done, it’s not possible for you to have escaped witnessing a lot of pain in a lot of people who are, I hate the word “victim”, but victims of the hate that goes on out there. I ask this when I interview nurses or people who are on the front lines, and you’re on the front lines. How have you handled the burden of watching how destructive homophobia can be when you’ve seen it , of the AIDS crisis as well, how have you managed to keep breathing?

BH: I think when that happens, you have a choice. You can either let that really demoralize you, and you can get paralyzed by the pain or you can be determined to make it motivational, to work even harder. I think that’s maybe where the stubborn piece comes in. So when I’ve seen  the damage that religious institutions have done to people – when you think about the ex-gay movement and the number of people who have been driven into suicide or depression by the ex-gay movement – you can be determined to make sure that there’s an alternative, and that people have a positive alternative to choose.

SP: Do you feel like you’ve done enough? I know you’ve done more than ten people’s fair share.

BH: There are moments, like being the Grand Marshall of the Pride parade, it was an amazing honor at World Pride, and receiving the Order of Canada was unbelievable, but when I look around the world and realize there’s sixty-something countries in the world where a gathering of gay and lesbian people and their family and friends at a birthday party would be arrested and put in prison, everyone. In ten of those countries I would be executed simply for being gay. So yes I can say we’ve done a lot and we’re pleased with what we’ve accomplished, but there’s so much more that needs to be done. Legislation has been before the Senate of this country for four years, passed by Parliament twice to give transgender people protection, and Senate hasn’t even voted on it yet, and that’s an outrage! 

SP: What is the intersection between sex and spirituality?

BH: Huge! A theological friend of mine said that the very act of sexual relationships, in particular, orgasm, is the closest we’ll ever find to a deep, deep spiritual experience. It’s not a coincidence that “Oh God!” is found exclaimed in the church and in the bedroom. I think sexuality is an amazing gift, and it’s a gift that needs to be exercised responsibly, I think there is a lot of creativity, a lot of fun and a lot of options that people have there. I see it as one of the wonderful gifts that God gives us.

SP: I said at the top of our talk that you’re one of my heroes. What’s the importance of heroes to you? Who is your hero? 

BH: That average gay person who comes out to their family and risks rejection by their family; comes out to the pastor of their church and risks rejection by their church. Because coming out is the most powerful thing that people can do. It is more transformative than what any leader would ever do.

SP: I love the work you do, Brent, thank you so much.

– Shaun Proulx is the publisher of GGN. Join his #ThoughtRevolution on Facebook, Twitter  and Instagram  and hear him every weekend on SiriusXMCanadaTalks 167 or online here. If you’re in the Greater Toronto Area, read his weekly column, Spirit & The City in 24 Hours each Thursday.

– This interview was condensed and edited.

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BE A MATCH TO WHAT YOU WANT :: Holidays are not about driving for hours or days to see relatives in Canadian cities. This I can safely conclude having ever only done so. Holidays are about going to a destination completely outside of our usual daily lives (preferably in a warmer climate if it’s winter) than what we’re used to. I’ve never been on a proper holiday and until recently, could not even image myself going on one.

This is a story about a lesson I have learned: Be a match to what you want. Stick with me and see what happened when I did just that.

As a small business owner who has done some very cool things but has struggled financially for a decade, I am absolutely over the moon that the opportunity to take a proper holiday knocked upon my door this summer. This year has the best year in my business ever, and during my best July ever, my friend (and GGN publisher) Shaun Proulx told me about his 2015 party plane excursion to the Dominican Republic, including the excellent rate for the all-inclusive January get-away.

“You have to come,” he said over martinis on a sunny neighbourhood patio.

At the time, money was good and I felt confident that I could actually pull off the spend. I started to look into it.

By the time August rolled around, business tapered off some. I decided that a holiday was too extravagant. I would have to put a trip off until another more resource-rich time.

In September Shaun mentioned the holiday price actually dropped. But I  told him no, I just wasn’t comfortable spending that much money; I was freaked out about making a commitment like that to my credit card company.

Time passed. Shaun and I saw each other in October and he teased me about not coming. But by this time, business had picked up. A holiday looked feasible once more. I spoke to the potential roommate about going on the beach holiday. He told me that a week on an island in paradise with nothing to do but to have fun truly forces you to relax.

Relax? This was a foreign concept to me but I liked the sound of it.

Holy snow dump #Toronto! Who’s up for 7 nights in paradise? https://t.co/WDCokAcRkh

— Shaun Proulx (@ShaunProulx) December 11, 2014

As I listened to what this veteran holiday-taker had to say about spending time in the Caribbean. I looked online at pictures of the Dominican Republic and the resort we’d stay at.

I was overwhelmed; tears came to my eyes.

“Yes, I’m going,” I finally said.

Once I made that decision, it was as though the Universe heard, “Okay, she’s committed, let’s make this happen”.

Since then business has been reliably steady. There is enough money coming in that I can pay off the trip before I even get there, and there is no stress associated with my decision. It still doesn’t feel real, but it is a wonderful goal to reach for. Instead of living in financial fear, I am focused on this amazing January trip that is sure to take my breath away and give my brain a long-needed rest.

Now that I’ve said yes, I’ve watched things change in my favour. To say yes makes the wheels turn and sets good intentions in motion. To say yes has put me and my well-being in the spotlight. To say yes is to close your eyes and run toward a glimmering light that promises only good things.

I can’t wait. I am so lucky to be able to do this that I can’t believe it’s happening. Now that the passport is being processed, the only thing I have to worry about is finding the perfect swim suit.

– Leah Morrigan is a men’s image consultant who has written on the subject of moobs for GGN in the past.

– This post was originally published in 2014.

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As GGN readers learned last year, Michael Coren, broadcaster, journalist, and former anti same-sex marriage “soldier” has put down his guns, his pen, and his sword because he’s had an epiphany. He sat down with GGN publisher Shaun Proulx to discuss the wild ride of  a Christian daring to change his heart and mind over same-sex marriage as detailed in his acclaimed new book, Epiphany.

Shaun Proulx: This to me is such important story and I know as a seasoned news man you may argue no, ISIS is an important story, the US election is an important story,  but I don’t think there can be ever a story more important than a person’s ability to change and grow and move in the direction of what I call love. And that is what’s going on with you. I’m so honored to call you my friend now, I’m so thrilled about the example that you’re setting. Especially because a long time ago, when you were writing the kinds of things you wrote, there was a lot of damage done to a lot of people, damage in a world where gay people were already damaged horrifically. You were an add-to, and a very articulate add-to, a very educated add-to. But, you had an epiphany, and so I want to start by asking you: are your new conclusions really something that came in a light bulb moment?

Michael Coren: It’s mutual: I’m flattered, and honoured to call you a friend. You ask a very good question. There probably wasn’t a particular time when I “crossed over” and realized I was completely in favour. I think it was incremental, I think it was a series of personal discoveries, public events, thought, prayer, consideration, reaction from all sorts of people; the horribly negative reaction from conservative Christians, as I began to ask for apology and began to change my thinking. It was gradually asking for different conversations between the Christians and the gay community, and can we not use words like “sin” or “disorder”, and show love and understanding. The more I asked for that, the more anger I received from conservative Christians, and the more gratitude, and very touching regard from people in the gay community, and it pushed me into being completely in favour of equal marriage. So I’d like to say to any conservative Christians reading this: Well done! Because although I would have eventually got to the position anyway,  you made it happen much quicker. Your attacks on me, your attacks on my family, your libels and slanders just made me realize very quickly, it showed me a glimpse of – though I would never claim for a moment, to know – what it’s like to be gay, particularly as a gay Christian. 

Shaun Proulx: I can show you what it’s like to be gay if you want, Michael.

Michael Coren: (Laughs) I got just a glimpse of an indication, by the way I was treated, and I said it on your rdio show and I’ll say it again: Some of the finest Christians I’ve ever met in the past two years have been gay Christians. These are people who stayed in churches, knowing that they were not welcome. Some people would prefer they not be there, some people would condemn them. 

Shaun Proulx: You look back in at your body of work and have now an understanding of the effect it had. You and I talked about it. We had lunch, you showed me some photos of your family, and in that red hot minute I had to force myself to show you photos of mine. And while that was my own internalized homophobia and mine to deal with, that homophobia is the result of many years of being told I was wrong. So here I was with you of all people, forcing myself to treat myself as your equal. That’s what happens when hate is lobbed at you – I’m only one example of millions of gay people who felt it far worse than me. The damage hate does can last a lifetime.

Michael Coren: That was a very important day, that lunch. You hesitated before you showed me a photograph of your then-husband, and that’s not your fault, that’s my fault. You also told me how my columns had made you feel. Look, I’ve done a lot of apologizing in the past couple of years, and after a while it’s become self-serving and morbid, but I’ll make this absolutely clear, let’s not play around here: I cringe at some of the things I said. I feel shame, and I don’t think I’ve properly forgiven myself. I’m not saying that to get any applause from anyone, and I’m not some weak, wilting flower.  I know I did wrong, and in what years I have left, I’m going to try and put it right. This is where I’m more proud of Epiphany than anything I’ve ever written in thirty years. 

Shaun Proulx: The ripple effect that you had, a negative one, can now be flipped into a ripple effect that moves out and changes the world for good; it is a movement toward love. The reason why you are more proud of this book is because it is the deep expression of love, and you were not expressing love before. You might have thought you were, for your Christian faith, or for something else. I don’t know how that works in evangelical minds, but this – your change of heart and mind – is love. This is love when you can start to understand somebody, this is love when you can build bridges, and, when you can say: I was wrong. We’ve all got that capacity. That’s why I think this is such an important story, is because we’ve all got the capacity within us to always move towards love.

Michael Coren: I’ve never been more happy and content as a person. I think there was this duality, inner turmoil going on. On one hand, here is Christ, who just goes on and on about love, and tolerance and inclusion, and on the other hand, if you saw just how angry the Christian right can be. Recently they were trying to get into my children’s Facebook pages. 

Shaun Proulx: Christ.

Michael Coren: The lengths they’ll go too; I was having an affair, apparently.  I was being blackmailed by my gay lover, whoever this poor guy is, or my wife was gay, or the kids were gay. I’d had a breakdown, I was a liar, and the classic: I was doing it all for money. And I thought to myself:  I lost about half my income in about two weeks when it came out that I fully embraced equal marriage. Every speech was cancelled, three columns disappeared, 100 Huntley Street, that had me as a regular guest host, they cancelled everything.

Shaun Proulx: How very Christian.  I’m going to tell you how you look right now: You look really well. And I think it’s because you’ve moved to more authentic happiness. I haven’t seen you in a bit, but you look really happy.  And happy attracts all the new opportunities you want to replace those you lost that will be a better fit for Who You Are now. I  want to talk to you about one of the words you’ve used.  You talk about “tolerance”, a word used about LGBT community often. Drives me nuts. Why do you say tolerance?  Why not acceptance?

Michael Coren: Yes, I think that’s a better word.

Shaun Proulx: Because I  don’t want to be tolerated, do you? Does anyone?

Michael Coren: It sounds almost pejorative doesn’t it? I think you’re right. I say tolerance, but acceptance is maybe a better word. You want the same love and acceptance as anyone else.

Shaun Proulx: The actions of the Christian right – towards the LGBT community and to you post-Epiphany – is all fear-based behaviour. What is everyone so afraid of? Having had a different stance once, what were you so afraid of, of me getting married? What is everyone so afraid of?

Michael Coren: There is a fear, and it’s very sociological, but it is sexual too. What happened time and time again was an obsession with one particular sexual act. They define this entire issue by one sexual act. They minimize and deconstruct it, and it’s so reductionist, and that is to their detriment, and that’s so un-Christian. 

Shaun Proulx: I’m so proud of you, because not only does it take a brave man to allow an epiphany and  to own it inside himself, and to then move differently through the world after it, but to write a book about it and face loss of income, and the criticism and backlash that you have had; Michael it takes a really bold man.  I was plugging your book on my social media when it was coming out, as I would for any friend, and some reaction went like, “Whatever. He’s got a lot to atone for.”

Michael Coren: I’ve been overwhelmed by the forgiveness and love by the gay community, going back almost two years now, and it gets better all the time. And I’ve heard from few who have really refused my apology, or are still angry. There are some people who simply will not forgive me, and in the end, that has to be them and not me. There’s nothing I can do about it. 

Shaun Proulx: At that point it’s not about you.

Michael Coren: I will do my best. I’ve apologized many times, and will continue to do so, for pain and cause. I can try, now with what I have left, to repair the damage. I’m trying very hard, becoming an advocate. But, for those who can’t forgive, I don’t blame them, but I can’t change them.

Shaun Proulx: Has it surprised you to learn from different conversations you must have had, how persecuted the LGBT community has been, even here in Canada? How much one person has had to put up with by virtue of the fact they’re gay? 

Michael Coren: I’ve been appalled and delighted, because there are also some wonderful stories of people who have expected the worse from their families for example, and have been stunned by how good their parents have been. I was speaking to a Canadian Church Press Convention, and there was a man who told me they had practically raised a boy who was thrown out by his family. But however bad things can be still in North America, they’re way better than they were. We must also remember what is going on in Africa, and the West Indies, and Russia. Not forgetting the Islamic world, where things have been very bad; the African church and Uganda is particularly bad. 

Shaun Proulx: Uganda being one of the first stories you heard that led to your epiphany.

Michael Coren: It was, it changed me, but Uganda is now pulling in Kenya and Nigeria, and other countries, and even South Africa used to be funnelled in on this issue. But now that Desmond Tutu is no longer in charge of the Anglican church, things there are getting worse.

Shaun Proulx:  Do you understand why so many people are leaving churches in droves?

Michael Coren: I do, and it pains me very much. My voice is a small one, but I’ve written quite a bit. Not just columns and articles on issues of sexuality, or Christianity or what the church should be, and I’ve gotten a lot of response from people saying, “Well I didn’t know that. If that’s what the church was doing, maybe I’ll try it again.” Just recently, someone who I had lunch with, again, not on gay issues, but on politics, he’d been very much opposed to. We became friends, and then we went out for lunch, and now he’s coming to my church. There is a new liberal Christianity that I despised for years and made fun of. I realized now, how uplifting it is. To be orthodox in your faith, leading you to be progressive, leading your views in public life, it’s a wonderful combination.

Shaun Proulx: There’s a lot of room for dramatic changes in the way churches are run. When I was a little boy, I was very drawn to the church. I liked going to church, I wanted to be in church, and I realize now it’s because I knew that there was something bigger out there, and I also wanted to learn about it. But what I got were restrictions,  rules, and judgements and  conflict. None of it felt right to me. I felt that I was a good person, but the church was always telling me I wasn’t. It wasn’t even a gay thing, it was just too many rules, too many problems, and it stirred up conflict in me, which is probably why I identify as spiritual not religious. But  I still love the idea of a church being a sanctuary for people where you could go and feel God’s embrace, feel uplifted, and whole, and with a possibility for evolution, and expansion within yourself – as opposed to, what I know a lot of people feel, which is: Church make me feel “less than”.

Michael Coren: It hasn’t celebrated humanity enough. 

Shaun Proulx: Probably the hardest several months of my life have just gone by. I would have liked to have found solace in the church. I would have liked to have had a place like that, because there were times when I didn’t want anyone, any friends around me. But I did want to talk about the bigger picture, the why, and how of what I was experiencing, and to have someone like a church, or a pastor, or a minister  would have helped me a lot. I think this is the kind of work that lies ahead for churches, is to realize the humanity within us, to celebrate humanity, and make themselves about the people, including the gay people who attend or who are clergy.

Michael Coren: I would say between 30 and 50 percent of the clergy are gay, and many of them are not celibate. I know priests, I know senior clergy in this city, who are not celibate. 

Shaun Proulx: How did you stop yourself from feeling like a hypocrite, when you were deeply involved in saying what you were saying about same-sex marriage, for example. Knowing that you have this kind of thing going on, and then of course, all the scandals with the abuse that happened, and then going on and on, but how did you not feel hypocritical?

Michael Coren: The abuse was something different, it has nothing to do with homosexuality, that’s pedophilia, and what happened in the church, it still happening. So many men were hiding their sexuality, it created a climate where you could hide, and so the pedophiles could use that to then hide behind what they were doing. 

Shaun Proulx: I’m not linking the two, I’m saying is there’s so much obviously, glaringly, wrong, yet we just keep acting like we’re good Catholics, with all of this going on under around us.

Michael Coren: I couldn’t, I personally wasn’t a hypocrite. It was very difficult for me, because I knew the number of men. If people are gay and celibate, and that satisfies the church to a degree, but there are many who are not. One chapter in Epiphany, there are a series of interviews, and three of the people are former Roman Catholic clergy, and two of them became Anglican clergy, one just left the priesthood completely, I didn’t put everything in the book, some of it was off the record, but they said they were struggling to be celibate, and they gone on to Diocesan meetings, and they’d look around, and think, most, of the men here are in relationships with other men, and here I am trying to be celibate. It’s just ludicrous! Even at the highest level, Bishops and so forth, and it’s known that some of these people are senior! Some of them would actually support equal marriage, others don’t. All of them will read letters from the Pulpit when required, condemning gay lifestyle and equal marriage, now that is the most hypocrisy art in the appalling order. 

Shaun Proulx: You just said something really interesting. You said if some gay men are celibate and that satisfies the church; I think the church needs to start thinking about satisfying me. Satisfying you. Satisfying her and him and they. There’s an attitudinal thing that I think has a lot to do with people’s dissatisfaction. The table needs to be flipped.  

Michael Coren: It does, and that’s in every Roman Catholic church. That’s what it requires of its clergy, but that in itself is disingenuous.

Shaun Proulx:  What’s the difference between religion and spirituality?

Michael Coren: I suppose religion is the institutionalized version of spirituality. A lot of people say I’m more spiritual than religious, and the right wing would say, I’m more religious than spiritual. I think they go hand-in-hand. For me, they do.  I do believe in communal worship, I do believe in the structure of the church, I’ve grown to love the structure of the Anglican church. It can be frustrating at times, but I do love it. I’m a sacramental Christian. 

Shaun Proulx: Religion isn’t about faith, religion is stories about faith. Michael, it’s still a mind-fuck to be sitting with you, because I never thought I’d know a Michael Coren who believes “my love is the same as his love.”  I’m dumbfounded still.

Michael Coren: Me too, and just the other day, I did a reading at Glad Day Books, and I went in there, and never had been in before. I’m sitting there, and we’re talking about medical things, and I mentioned urology, and I suddenly said, “I never thought I’d be sitting in Glad Day Books talking about my urology op.” Life’s funny!

Shaun Proulx: You’ve never been to a same-sex marriage have you?

Michael Coren: No I haven’t. Anyone out there, please, I’d like to attend one. 

– Shaun Proulx is the publisher of GGN. Join his #ThoughtRevolution on Facebook, Twitter  and Instagram  and hear him every weekend on SiriusXMCanadaTalks 167 or online here. If you’re in the Greater Toronto Area, read his weekly column, Spirit & The City in 24 Hours each Thursday.

– This interview was condensed and edited.

Graphics by Polo Izquierdo

The post SPIRITUALITY :: Michael Coren’s Same-Sex Marriage Epiphany appeared first on TheGayGuideNetwork.com.

EXCLUSIVE – REVILED BY MANY, A RENOWNED “PROFESSIONAL HOMOPHOBE” HAS CHANGED HIS MIND :: GGN publisher Shaun Proulx’s hour-long one-on-one with speaker, columnist, and best-selling author Michael Coren (formerly one of the loudest anti-gay voices in Canada, Coren once called same-sex marriage “Canada’s biggest mistake”), can be heard in full on SiriusXM Canada Talks CH 167 June 20 and 21st (and any time by Shaun Proulx Show All-Access Pass Holders.)

Below is an excerpt of their candid conversation, but first watch this clip, especially if you are new to old Coren:

Shaun Proulx:  How does it feel to listen to yourself in that clip?

Michael Coren: A little bit cringing, when I said being a gay Christian was an oxymoron. I would find that a bit grotesque today. Not all of it was untrue, but I think that’s sounding like a very different me. 

SP: I feel in Canada there aren’t the profound amounts of media voices that we hear from the States, and yours is a particularly eloquent voice. And yours is a particularly well-spoken voice, and attractive voice. And so I feel you drew a lot of attention – a lot of people who felt like you felt. And though I’m not going to sit here this whole hour and ask, “How does it feel now?”, how does it feel now, given you spoke in the very church last weekend that performed the first-ever same-sex marriages ten years ago?  After everything you felt and said and put out there about same-sex marriage, opposing it?

Michael Coren:  I was on the edge of tears. And I’m a constipated Englishman. I was on the edge of tears, four or five times. I’m not just saying this, why would I or why should I? But I’ve never felt love and community and warmth, the way I did at the Metropolitan Community Church (MCC), at any Catholic church. I’m not here to bash the Catholic church, because there are many wonderful people in it, including my wife, who is still a Catholic.  But the sense of community and genuine forgiveness was overwhelming.

SP: Very Christian.

Michael Coren: Part of the problem with organized Christianity today is there is too much focus on the organizational aspect, and not the Christian aspect, and as I said at MCC, the only two absolutes are Love and Grace, and where there is Love, there is God, and we’ve forgotten that concept, of that absolute profound reality within Christian circles. It’s been a very strange, in many ways challenging, but also a very beautiful pilgrimage for me. This part of me has taken a couple of years, and I’ve learned very very much. I have said gay Christian was an oxymoron. Today I would say to you that some of the finest Christians I’ve ever met have been gay Christians.

SP: There I was sitting in MCC praising Jesus for the moment that was going on. You said to us that you feel, being an outcast in some ways – I’ve been on blogs,  I’ve read what you are going through – you said, you’ve had a whiff, a tincture…

Michael Coren: A glimpse, a shadow…

SP: … of what it must be like to be an LGBT person, because you have now felt real loathing from people.

Michael Coren: I was careful to qualify that because I wouldn’t dare have the audacity to say, “I know what it’s like”.  I can never fully comprehend what it would be like to be gay, particularly a gay Christian, but I’ve now seen how much hatred there is out there.  I’m not a naive person, I’m in my fifties now, I’ve reported on Northern Ireland for quite a long time, I’ve covered the Middle East war, I’ve seen conflict and suffering, and I’ve seen hatred. But I did not realize just how angry so many conservative Christians were on this issue.

SP: Do you think you played a part in their anger?

Michael Coren: No, I don’t think so. I’m not here to defend things I’ve done wrong. I’m pretty honest about that, but I don’t think so. Let me re-phrase that: I hope I haven’t. If I have, I am sorry, but I hope I haven’t.  

SP: This is one thing that I know from being in media: if you take a stance or you tell a story – for example in my being open and writing about my crystal meth use  – a lot of upset people would come to me and say, “You’re making drug use glamorous”. That wasn’t my intention at all, and I would dare say, that perhaps you were putting out your ideas thinking one thing, but people soak them up and many are not critical thinkers.  Or, worse, I wrote something recently, and someone raged at me saying I said something completely opposite to what I said. Audiences can do that, and so I think that one of the problems with media is that we’re unaware of the true power that we yield, whether we intend to or not.

Michael Coren:  I think that’s very perceptive actually, because of unintentional consequences. I probably did give a cloak of respectability. And maybe an intellectual veneer to people’s prejudices. I probably made them feel acceptable. I’m not painting myself as a great intellectual, I’m not. But I had a media voice with a certain level of eloquence. But now, they’re seeing me as this totem to attack, vicariously, because I’ve made them feel alone. 

SP:  In the current issue of The Walrus you end a piece you wrote by sharing the gist of our first lunch, when I said to you that a long time ago, when I was a young man, new in Toronto, no self esteem, not out of the closet, beating myself up for being gay, I saw something that you wrote. And I don’t remember any of it, but I do remember the way it made me feel. I can’t tell whether it was an anti-same-sex marriage or an anti-homosexual piece that you wrote. What you wrote had a lasting impact and we saw that in one moment over lunch. 

Michael Coren: That had a very very profound effect on me, your story. It’s not just the major event so much that changes one, I think, it’s things like our lunch. 

SP: And this is where I find great beauty within what’s going on now. You have created, through no intention maybe, a huge image of yourself, especially in the gay community. And gay or straight or trans or any other identity, many don’t think that things can change, which is why you’re my story of the decade. This story is timeless, it’s more important than whatever world news is happening right now that fickle people will focus away from when the next big headline hits.  You changing your mind shows everybody, shows me that anything is possible, wherever our minds are on any subject at all. Look at this 180. So whoever you are, if you are stuck in a pattern of thought, you think this about who you are, you think that about your relationship, you think this about your ability to achieve anything. You can change – all of that. We can all change.

Ahead, Michael Coren also discusses:

– the backlash against him from former friends, business partners and Catholics after he quit the Catholic church
– his friendships with LGBT people prior to his change of heart
– the role former Foreign Affairs Minister John Baird played in kickstarting Coren’s new journey
– what his family thinks about his about-face
PLUS: Michael Coren announces for the first time on-air his surprising love-based plan for the next chapter of his life

Hear it  on The Shaun Proulx Show June 20 and 21st on SiriusXM Canada Talks CH 167 – or any time, using your  All-Access Pass.

– Follow Shaun Proulx on Twitter.

This conversation was condensed and edited.

The post SPIRITUALITY :: Outing Michael Coren appeared first on TheGayGuideNetwork.com.

MUSIC :: Legendary superstar Melissa Etheridge‘s warm, heartfelt and personal new album, This is ME, is out now. GGN publisher Shaun Proulx spoke to the icon about her new music, the nature of risk, and how she points back to the cancer experience she had a decade ago as reason why she began seeing the world in a completely different light.

SP: How are you?

Melissa Etheridge: I’m doing good, so happy to be talking to you.

SP: As you get older do you find you’re willing to expose a little bit more of ME, as you would say?

Melissa Etheridge: I think as I’m getting older I’m realizing that indeed, this life is a journey. That you don’t ever get somewhere, and go, “Hey, I got here!”, and that’s it. It’s always unfolding and becoming, that I try to bring that into my music, I try to explain. Everyone’s here, absolutely to do what they do, but if my music inspires you in any way, let me share it with you.

SP: In the lyrics to A Little Bit of Me you’re saying: “we’re all one, and the world goes round and round” – that we’re all affecting each other, and I’ve got tell you, that’s a theme that I’m understanding now, at 46 more than ever. We are all connected, which kind of sounds like a telecommunications ad, I know. But we are. None of us are separate entities, none of us.

Melissa Etheridge: Yes, you can call it wisdom, or you can call it an awakening that is happening all over the world, and has been slowly happening for the last decades. There’s a sense of, “Wait a minute, there’s a little bit more going on here, that we’ve all got it. We’re all very diverse in how we’re handling this life, and we’re doing what our purpose is, and what our religion is, or our spirit, what we believe in. We’re all different, yet you can find this oneness, this commonality in everything. We’ve searched the whole world now, and there’s a commonness that kind of, if you really take it in, if you really think about it, there really is a oneness that I don’t ever have to be afraid or say, “that stranger might want to hurt me”. That’s also in myself too, it’s this very subtle line.

SP: I’m finding it’s harder for me to dislike people.

Melissa Etheridge: Yes! We have more empathy, don’t we?

SP: There are still people, don’t get me wrong, I pick my battles a little bit more. Empathy rises up faster in me. There’s a big scandal going on in Canada right now, over one of our beloved broadcasters who is accused of some terrible things, and I’m having a hard time not feeling bad for him, despite the things he’s been accused of doing. I’m having a hard time. I’m kind of worried for him, and I think that’s what you represent really beautifully in your music, and the output that you do.  I told you this before off the air, you said something to me the last time we spoke, and I wrote it down. It’s being living in my office ever since, do you remember your own smart words Melissa Etheridge?

Melissa Etheridge: Oh boy!

SP: “The strongest, most powerful thing you can do in your country, in your town, on your street, in your family, is to love yourself. It’s to come to a place inside yourself, knowing that your creator made you perfect, you’re the way you’re supposed to be, and if you can hold on to that, and vibrate with that, you affect your family, your town, your country.” I get chills!

Melissa Etheridge: You’re so sweet! Sometimes, and this will start happening to you, your words will come back to you just when you need them.

SP: Really?

Melissa Etheridge: Write that down, because I really needed to hear that – for myself – today. Thank you!

SP: When you began your career in ’88, if you had any idea this would be part of the trajectory you’re on?

Melissa Etheridge: Oh no, I just wanted to be rich and famous. I thought that was a destination, but alas, it is not. It’s not even a desire.

SP: Tell us, in this fame-obsessed world, as one of the more famous women in the world, what your feelings about fame are.

Melissa Etheridge: Fame is a crazy thing. Fame is a very, very potent flame!  It’s a fire that consumes you, and can just turn you into ashes if you don’t know what’s going on. It’s a energy that comes off of a whole lot of people, and it’s everyone thinking one thing at the same time, and you can feel it energetically. I have ridden different waves of fame, and have learned, “Ok, that’s a part of me, and it’s all good, and there’s certainly a lot of benefits that come from it, and there’s a lot of negative stuff that come from it, and it just is. So fame is a part of my life, and  in this day and age, there’s nothing you can hide.

SP: What are your thoughts and beliefs about the idea of taking risks, especially in the career you’re in.

Melissa Etheridge: It has to do with how you interpret risk. Risk is an emotion, risk is a judgment on something. Last year I made a huge choice to change my management, I changed all my people, and I felt it could be risky. I also got off my record label. I made a big leap that could have been risky, yet I took a risk.

SP: Were there fears leaving your management, leaving your people, changing things up? Those are tangible things. They are people with feelings, so you say it in an easy way, but there must have been anxiety or fear.

Melissa Etheridge: I had to walk into my manager’s office, and he’s been my manager for 30 years.

SP: Ugh!

Melissa Etheridge: Believe me, for days, I needed to breathe, I had to meditate on it: I’m going to go in, I mean no harm, I’m coming from love about all of this, there’s no bad. I just walked in, and it came from love, and it was a beautiful experience, and he said thank you, and it was great.

SP: Have you always been someone who would meditate on it? Think about your intention? Walk in on management with love…were you always like that?

Melissa Etheridge: No, this started about ten years ago. I come from the mid-west. In Kansas I feel we’re in common with Canadians actually. There’s a politeness, you’re nice to people, you work hard, and you take care of your family and people around you. That’s just what we’ve grown up with, we’re raised with, so sometimes, if you take that too far, if you begin to take care of people’s feelings and you think you are going to make them feel a certain way, and you believe you have that power to do that, you can limit yourself – and I was doing that a lot. I was getting very far, yet limiting in my personal relationships, in my business relationships, myself on stage. It’s been such a journey, and ten years ago I was diagnosed with cancer, and I was just, Woah! Wait a minute! This is not the way the movie ends! What is this? I really took that as a wake-up call to find my power, find my strength, my life-force. That’s what keeps us moving through this life. I’m at age now, I see people passing away, and I understand it’s a force, it’s a life-force, and I intend to be around for a long time.

SP: Do you think the cancer was the sum of all the parts you saw before that, of not necessarily being your full self, not necessarily honouring yourself, not necessarily looking after yourself first? Do you think that those things dove-tail together?

Melissa Etheridge: I do, and I get in a lot of trouble sometimes when I talk about that, because people have a hard time hearing that maybe we have a responsibility in our health. We have a responsibility to ourselves, that what we think about ourselves, the emotions we feel inside, in the food we take in, absolutely dictates what our self is, that’s what my deep belief is. I come across some people who get very upset about that. There’s a certain comfort in thinking that disease just happens to you, and that you can get sick because of a gene, or something. I struggle with that.

SP:  I was diagnosed HIV-positive in 2005, and for the last 10 years, almost, I’ve never been sick. I live a very productive, healthy life, and it’s in agreement with you, that I say this, it’s because of the way I think about it, the way I treat it, the way I treat myself, the gentle way in which I handle my life, and myself, the food I eat, the thoughts I think, the meditating I do, and none of it out of desperation or anything. I was always at peace with the diagnosis – I think that my first correct step, being at peace with it was one of the things that taught me to be responsible for this diagnosis that I had been given – so that all it ever was, was a diagnosis, and it wasn’t Shaun. I hear you.  Before we stop, I just want to say this: I think that you carry a light that’s bigger than your music, and I’m feeling it right now, just talking to you for the second time. I think you’re just a wonderful person, and I want to say thank you.

Melissa Etheridge: Shaun, I think I’m going to call you, whenever I need a lifting up, because this is perfect! I was like, what is my life about, and you’re just how the universe can be! It can just give you what you need, right there. Life is happening for us, not to us. I love you, Shaun.

SP: I love you too.

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HOW I QUIT MY JOB AND CHANGED EVERYTHING :: I just quit my full-time job as a server – which was draining my soul – to do what I love.

Apparently this is really scary to a lot of people. I didn’t realize that. I work as an artist, writing and photography. The idea of doing something I loved everyday filled me with joy.

Bringing people food and drinks did not.

I had no idea what the future held for me, I just knew that by deciding to make a change that my life was about to change. And it has, already.

I was excited to go into the unknown. I had no plan. The only thing that I knew was that I was an artist and it was going to become the biggest focus of my life.

Serving up pasta and pinot, I was exhausted – all the time – and starting to feel miserable, especially while doing my job.

This misery was beginning to affect my creativity outside of serving, as well. I didn’t have the energy to take out my camera, or write in my journal.

Because I didn’t have much money saved, I knew losing my main source of income would be a risky move.

That was my brain talking, reason talking. In my heart – where the truth really lives – I knew when I quit it was the right time. My instinct was telling me that it was right. I have always listened to that inner voice and it has always put me on the right path.

So I gave my two weeks notice at work and began to start living as just Vance, everyday.

On the very first day that was the beginning of my new life, I was given the opportunity to be interviewed on national news as part of the network’s WorldPride coverage, about where I came from (rural Saskatchewan) and being gay. (Watch the interview by hitting the play button below.)

Being on national television on my first day was like life was giving me a bright sign that I was in the right place. The interview was an amazing experience that represented me living a life of expressing myself (and expressing myself to the entire country is a pretty good start!).

An artist once told me that when he focused on his art, opportunities just came to him. That is my plan. Already opportunities have started to come to me. I am working part-time at this magazine. I am meeting people who want to work with me. I have quit my job and am suddenly busier than I had ever been.

I love it. Almost every second of my day has become me expressing myself in some way.

With any new venture in life comes with the feeling of being uncomfortable. Most people stay away from this because they fear it. I have started to seek it out. I know that this feeling means a challenge also an opportunity. A sign of my discomfort has always been a very noticeable blushing on my face. I have always hated it ever since I was a kid.

Now this is happening to me on a daily basis – and I couldn’t love it more or be prouder. I don’t care what the outcome of trying new things is, I just know that showing up and doing it is the important thing.

Quitting my job has even improved my dating life. I recently asked a guy out on a date whom I had known for months – but took until now to ask because I didn’t think he would say yes. However, there is a newfound confidence within. I asked him out – he said yes. Our date consisted of us playing an improv game with a group of people I didn’t even know. It was very uncomfortable but also very fun. Here I am again trying something new, and yes, my face was red while acting in front of strangers.

I really didn’t care though. The whole experience made me realize how comfortable I was becoming with myself. I have a new way of living my life that has even made me more attractive to other people.

I’m still just at the beginning of my new life, but it has already been so amazing. I get to wake up and think about how I can be creative or what project I am going to work on that day. I do what I love and in turn it’s changed me into a stronger and happier person.

The proudest part of my life is when people ask what I do, and I get to say, “I am a writer and a photographer.” I get to be just Vance, everyday, and that is the most fulfilling part of my life.

– Vance Hedman is GGN’s new Editorial Assistant. Follow him on twitter @Vance_18!

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HIDING HURT :: I was watching Oprah’s Lifeclass on OWN, and my life immediately changed. I can sense a shift in my thinking patterns already.

As a follower of Oprah’s teachings my entire life, I listen to everything she says more intently than anyone else on television. The things I learned about anger and fear in two hours, I will never forget. She makes a point of saying that people who are hurt are hiding hurt under the pain with work, sex, cigarettes, alcohol, or food.

Wow. Hiding hurt. Sounds pretty familiar to me.

I’m just kidding! I don’t know if I’m in all the pain and hiding the hurt that she and Iyanla Vanzant (an OWN star) say I am. I think it’s called being 20-something in a big city. I had an amazing upbringing, I was raised well, and I have parents who loved and still love me more than I can explain. I’ve always been an extremely confident person, and I’ve always felt loved.

But maybe it’s time for me to re-assess my lifestyle to see what’s really underneath it all this behaviour. Am I hiding hurt? Or do I just want a drink?

I appreciate the reminder I always get from watching OWN to realize the good in even the worst of situations – that’s something I need to remind myself every day. My favourite quote of all is: “the best students get the hardest tests.” >Tweet this!

That said, I’m exhausted. But I’m ready to pass with flying colours.

My whole life feels like just another test from God (or whatever you believe), that knows I can face whatever comes my way, all at the same time. And, in most cases, I ask for it. I am extremely blessed and I know that I can do anything I want to do!

Anyway – who wants to get a drink and a smoke?

Image: Oprah.com

The post ARE YOU HIDING HURT :: Oprah’s Lifeclass appeared first on TheGayGuideNetwork.com.

BAD IS GOOD :: Are you old enough to remember TV’s The Facts Of Life and that ear-worm of a theme song that went: “You take the good, you take the bad, you take them both and there you have the facts of life?”

According to the theme to the highly popular TV sitcom from the 70’s and 80’s, the ‘facts of life’ mean there is good and there is bad, and it’s as black and white as that.

I want to offer a different take:

There is good.

There is bad.

And bad is good.

Let’s start with the good.  The good things are easy to spot.  You know you are in the orbit of “good” because you feel good.

Bad things are easy to spot as well. Bad being the opposite of good means bad things in your orbit make you feel like crap.

But the funny thing about bad things is that it only takes a shift of perception before you truly appreciate a new understanding about how bad is good. And once you do, you gain a new foothold that can take you some place really, really… good.

Gooder, I daresay, then many of your regular good things ever were.

I know what you’re thinking. But hear me out.

So, you’re going through life, walking down the road.  Oops: here comes something bad.  Looking at this bad thing makes you feel sad and angry and depressed (or choose your negative emotion).

Because this ‘bad’ thing is NOT something you want in your life, you now automatically also know clearly what you DO want. And now that you know so clearly what you do want, you get to do something you may never have done before: appreciate the bugger, the crap situation, the negative circumstance that caused you to want better.

Not condone it. Not believe it is right when it’s not. Still wanting it gone or stopped. But also deeply appreciating that a new idea that was born from it.

Appreciating, because the whole path of our entire LGBT equality movement lit up because queers before us, many long gone, knew so clearly what they didn’t want that they therefore knew so clearly what they did and began the small steps to getting it. Those small steps are now ours to take, and, of course, along the way we, like those before us, are given “bad things” (Hello, Putin! Howdy Uganda!) which light up the paths that future queer generations will walk. >Tweet this!

Of course, in an ideal world we’d all be sitting in feathered nests with nothing ruffling them. But evolution requires the bad, and the good, which is why that old sitcom song was only half-right. Perhaps it should have been: “You take the good, you thank the bad, and there you have the facts of life.”

Something to think about if there’s ever another reunion special. (God, what does Blair look like by now?)

PS – This great lecture by philosopher Alan Watts takes this simple idea deeper:

– Follow Patrick Marano on Twitter.

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UNEXPECTED LEGACY :: While many people will be celebrating Fred Phelps’ death, I think the world lost someone who did a whole lot more for the LGBT community that we realize or understand.

I know because I have had to deal with the Phelps clan for over 15 years as an activist and countless times have talked with the media about the merits and faults of giving him and his band of hateful protesters any attention at all.

The turning point in how the LGBT community responded to Phelps came in 1999, as he organized a picket outside the Matthew Shepard trials. Phelps had previously protested the funeral and got the most attention he’d ever had until that point. It was appalling. Friends of Matt and community members wanted to not only respond to this protest but shield Matt’s parents from the vicious images Phelps and his family brought with them from Kansas. As I stood feet away from Phelps, I saw a parade of a dozen or so angels — dubbed “Angel Action” by Romaine Patterson and Jim Osborn, who came up with the idea — turn the corner onto Grand St. and approach the Laramie County courthouse. All the cameras and reporters turned toward them, and I cried as I saw this brave group of people stride toward him with love and strength in their hearts. And that was what made the news — not him but the amazing response.

Now, remember that only a short time prior, the response to Phelps was not as gracious. At gay journalist Randy Shilts’ funeral (picketing funerals of people who’d died of AIDS was a regular shtick for Phelps in the ’80s and early ’90s), people threw eggs at the protestors and confronted them angrily. I can’t blame them, but the truth is that with cameras rolling and the media loving conflict and controversy, the juxtaposition of Phelps’ face with the angels surrounding him, turning their backs to him and singing “Amazing Grace” was an image that has impact far beyond the gut reaction of anger. We are better than he is. And the world needed to see that.

After the Angel Action snatched the media attention from Phelps and took the wind out of his sails, we began to see more and more creative and interesting responses to his protests, like the incredible “Phelps-a-thons,” where local activists raised money for every minute he protested, and diverse faith leaders coming out more and more to counteract his message with one about God’s love. As time went on and Phelps “diversified” and began protesting the funerals of veterans killed in the Middle East and even went so far as to call the Rev. Jerry Falwell a “fag-enabler,” the diversity at counterprotests grew. And we joined hands and voices with new allies. I would see a spectrum of everyone from queer kids to biker vets to ministers all singing “Amazing Grace” or “This Little Light of Mine” and driving him and his flock up a wall.

The saddest thing to me is that over the years, I saw his grandchildren grow up. He would have small children holding signs that were grotesque, and as a parent I felt it was not only offensive but abusive. And while his daughter carries on the “family tradition,” I am heartened to see that several family and church members have escaped and speak of the horror of being part of what was essentially a small cult. Nathan Phelps is now an advocate for LGBT rights, and one can hope that now others can break away and heal from what must be a horrifying and abusive situation in that family and in that church.

And as time has passed, the media pays less and less attention to them — I watched a stream of cameras pass by Phelps protestors in Washington, D.C., around the time marriage equality was passed, and their lame attempts to protest The Laramie Project only prove the point of the play. This may well be the last hurrah for Phelps. Let’s hope the media moves on now and focuses on the growing support in faith communities and denominations for LGBT rights, including those that have been less than supportive in the past. Judy Shepard has said many times, “We love Fred,” because she understands that he has brought along allies who are horrified by the hate.

So his legacy will be exactly the opposite of what he dreamed, and I think we should all take a moment to remember the lives of the people he has hurt and not waste a second dancing on his grave. I know I will take a moment to remember those angels turning the corner and think about how our community has turned an even bigger corner to create a world where that kind of hate no longer exists. >Tweet this!

– Follow Cathy Renna on Twitter. (Image: Michael S. Williamson/The Washington Post). This post was originally published in The Huffington Post.

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SPIRITUALITY ::

But that doesn’t stop me from trying new things and experiencing the unexplainable.  Case in point, my good friend D is very spiritual and believes we all have guardian angels looking after us.  One day we were talking ghosts, and I was doing my usual, “Sure D, whatever… hocus, pocus!”  When suddenly I remembered something that happened to me as a kid.  Lying there, in bed, fully awake, I saw an apparition enter the room and walk directly towards me.  I wasn’t scared and I couldn’t look away.  Then, just as suddenly, it was gone.  When I described that experience to D, she said, “You still don’t believe.”  “Nope.” I said, having fun at her expense.

But like I said, I’m not one to turn down an experience, so when the opportunity for my husband Shaun and I to each have individual angel readings by Adam Busch came up, I took it.

Shaun has had readings before. I didn’t know what to expect so I went in first with a clear mind and no judgements.

When I entered the room, the smell of incense filled my nose.  There was a table set up with crystals, decks of cards and three peacock feathers. Adam explained to me that the feathers were his but as he prepped for my reading he sensed they ‘wanted to be there’ for mine and Shaun’s readings.  I told him that was very appropriate since Shaun has a thing for peacocks, and we lovingly call each other ‘Bird’.

Okay, one point for the Angels.

RELATED READING :: Psychic Miki answers your burning questions.

Then we sat down and got right to it.  I chose a deck of cards and we started talking.  My angels appeared to Adam, two ladies with distinct personalities.  Those personalities jived perfectly with the core of my being right away.  Bear in mind, I didn’t know Adam from… well, Adam.

Two points for the Angels.

Then it was my turn to ask any questions.  I thought hard, and came up with one I knew Adam couldn’t know anything about (okay, I was testing him a bit).  He started asking me who this person was and who that person was, as if he had some inside knowledge about what I had asked him.

Angels three, Eddie zero.

Finally, Adam came out with something very personal.  I was speechless.  I started tearing up.  He asked me, “Are you okay?”

“Ya, I’m fine, but you’re right.  You’re right on.”

Angels shoot, and angels score.  I couldn’t deny it any more.  I gave right in at that point.

I left feeling clear minded, focused and surrounded by love.  The cynic was quiet.  He had nothing to say.

RELATED READING :: The Rock Store

RELATED READING :: Psychic Miki answers your burning questions.

For more information about angel readings, Adam Busch can be reached at adambusch@gmail.com

More Eddie Stone here.

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LIFE IS A VERB :: The death of her stepfather just 37 days after being diagnosed with cancer woke Patti Digh up and made her examine her own life. A conversation with Shaun Proulx about living life appreciating that we will one day only have 37 of them left. Listen here.

The post INTERVIEW :: Patti Digh appeared first on TheGayGuideNetwork.com.

Either way, when I heard about Adam Busch, who’s an Angel Therapy Practitioner, I was on it.

The difference between a psychic reading and an angel reading could be explained like this: with a psychic reading you want to know if you will get the job you are going after. In an angel reading, the angels want to discuss what you’re creating in your life, the choices in life that have you going after that job.

My reading was conducted over Skype. How modern!

Little did I know that Adam and his angels were about to explain the meaning behind the woman I’ve been obsessed with my whole life.

The angels – through Adam – said that my purpose in life was to respect goddesses, and that I had done so in lives prior. I was burned at the stake for believing that women were powerful, God-like figures in a time where it was unfathomable that women were strong figures. I was to continue this work in this life.

My love for Madonna was real, and far much more than just an obsession. It was a belief. It was my ongoing connection to a woman who has changed the world, and a woman who inspires me to change the world. Adam told me that my angels applauded my work and that I shouldn’t be scared about the disbelievers and people who belittle my love for Madonna because, spiritually, I was doing the right thing. My educating others’ on Madonna’s work was not in vain and I should be nothing but proud of these teachings.

This reading solidified that my connection with Madonna – and women in general, the most comforting thing to me – was something that was ingrained in me, heart and soul.

The second half of my reading with Adam confirmed a lot of stuff that I had recently gone through: friend drama, a new move and an even newer move coming soon, a change of careers, a long road ahead of hard work and fun, and happiness. My angels kept applauding me throughout (I’m not making this up. Adam tells you when they’re doing it!).

So, as I sit here in my new apartment adorned with crucifixes and Madonna’s face on porcelain plates, I can say, even more proud than ever, that I am fulfilling my life’s purpose, no longer an angel with a broken wing.

– Adam Busch can be reached for a long-distance Angel Reading via Skype through his website, here!

Have you ever had a psychic reading? Do you follow your own personal intuition? Reply below.

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IN CONVERSATION :: “I loved this interview,” says TheGGN publisher Shaun Proulx of his one-on-one with Devon Franklin, the Will Smith intern turned Hollywood studio executive, author of Produced By Faith, Christian preacher, and the man Oprah calls “a different kind of spiritual teacher for our times”.

“Not that I didn’t expect to enjoy it,” explains Proulx, “but DeVon and I are very different people. He is a straight, black, married Christian preacher from the U.S. I am a gay, white, married spiritual man from Canada. He believes in God. I believe in something bigger than me, but I don’t call that God in the way a Christian does; I’m not religious.

“When I told people I was interviewing DeVon, some of them wanted me to go into finding asking the infamous question Oprah has asked other Christian leaders on her Next Chapter series on OWN: is homosexuality a sin? But, in going into this conversation, I decided I didn’t want to talk about our differences whatever they might be, but rather, what we have in common. Our childhoods are very similar – almost exact. We both gave a lot up and took big risks, too. We both live our lives operating from a faith-based place. I think this interview is a great example of how two very different people can explore how they are the same, for a change. I like the idea of more of us having conversations like this one.”

– TheGayGuideNetwork.com

The post PERSONAL EMPOWERMENT :: DeVon Franklin – Produced By Faith appeared first on TheGayGuideNetwork.com.

TROY PERRY :: Nearly five decades ago while Reverend Troy Perry was in his twenties his watershed disclosure of his homosexuality destroyed his life and branded him a pariah. In a headline-making scandal the Pentecostal minister from California – first licensed in Florida at the age of fifteen – lost his wife, his ministry, and was abandoned by his two sons amidst persecution leading to a failed suicide attempt.

Yet Perry survived, emerging from his trial by fire and his painful past to re-discover his calling. An ad in a local paper yielded twelve people to his living room for the first service of what would become a highly controversial new Christian church, the success of which has since been covered by every major magazine and newspaper in the world.

Ministering to gays, lesbians, bisexuals and transgendered people, the fledgling little organization was called the Metropolitan Community Church, and is now commonly referred to as MCC: forty-two thousand members strong in three hundred congregations in sixteen countries worldwide.

Perry has authored three books, including The Lord Is My Shepherd And He Knows I’m Gay and Don’t Be Afraid Anymore. A leading activist and the recipient of the Humanitarian Award from the American Civil Liberties Union, he has also been invited to the White House on four occasions to discuss LGBT civil rights, AIDS, and hate crimes with Presidents Carter and Clinton. He was also Clinton’s honouree at a Whitehouse breakfast honouring one hundred national spiritual leaders in 1997.

And Perry is also a proud leatherman. As such, he is a member of yet another culture of still frequently misunderstood and sometimes condemned people. Both non-gays and gays alike are among those who clone leatherfolk and view leathersex as sadomasochism, with S/M being considered an intolerant form of behaviour. Disagreeing, however are the many who take the odyssey into the leather world. There, it’s argued, leathersex involves confronting elements of taboo, power, instinct and sexuality, and of stripping away cultural patterns through intimate forms of play using tools that include bondage, role-play, and pain-pleasure. The result is often described as conscious-shifting to a new vision of self and a new mind space to explore.

GGN spoke to Troy Perry at his office in Los Angeles where we discussed these ideas. We asked him about his own journey into leather, the conflict of religion versus physical appetites, releasing the burden of guilt, and the intersection of sex and spirituality.

Don’t you find it’s common, the painting of misinformed and clichéd strokes about what leather is really about, even within the gay community?

That’s correct. I tell people that S/M means ‘sensuality and maturity’, that’s what S/M means to me. That kind of thing moves over from the leather community to the gay community to the fetish community. But somehow the leather community is even more sexual, and for someone who is having trouble with their own sexuality and is stuck in that situation, they think ‘well at least my sexuality is not as bad as theirs’. And that’s just crazy.

You’ve commented in the past that many elements of the spiritual leanings of some leathermen have shared common denominators with more conventional religious experiences.

It is amazing to me the spirituality and the care – especially during AIDS – of leathermen, the owners of leather bars and clubs, just amazing. The camaraderie combined with a deep spirituality. I discovered if you scratch, usually leathermen have a deep spirituality, and that includes pagans, Hindus… A few years ago I was the keynote speaker at the National Leather Association meeting here in America – eight hundred people gathered at the convention centre in Portland, Oregon – and because I was there they were going to do a first-ever panel on spirituality and leather. They put us in a little room, and you know what? The crowd was so big they had to move us to an auditorium. And it was incredible. I was the only Christian on this panel, but there was every thing from Christians, to Buddhists, to pagans, to Hindus. And what was incredible to me was how well everyone on that panel articulated their spirituality. And there was no-nonsense about ‘my spirituality is better than yours’. Just everybody talking with respect for everyone there. It was just incredible.

Some leatherfolk speak of having spiritual experiences or highs through their sexual explorations. Can this be the result of a deeper exchange of energy between a top and a bottom, of intensifying sex, going beyond boundaries so that indeed sex intersects with spirit?

Yes, I think that. There is a mutually agreed upon exchange of power, in other words the top / the bottom, the slave / the master, the daddy / the boy. And as you said, because sometimes some of the sexuality that is involved in the leather community is so intense, it automatically takes you into your spiritual self. Some of the things I’ve seen and witnessed at leather gatherings are akin to reading about the saints filled with rapture of being so involved with God and God’s love.

Leathersex is also described by some as something that can heal wounds, mend shame, aid physiological growth and provide the basis for expanded spiritual awareness.

For many people it certainly does. I can’t speak in general terms and say that happens for everyone. But I certainly can say that it has done that for so many people. The whole thing of being hurt as a child, sometimes that child needs healing. And for a lot of boys – and I mean that in the leather sense – they come to terms with their daddies. It’s an entire thing that goes beyond being used as a sex toy, there’s a healing that takes place that helps people and that’s just unbelievable. It’s better than therapy.

You’re talking about sexual acts being the way to connect with your spirituality instead of denying your spirit through denying sexual acts.

That’s absolutely correct. As long as we who are part of the leather community are not there because we want to be destructive, or to see ourselves as hurt or harmed in someway or become the person who hurts someone in some way.

Isn’t it just a great human disservice that our culture separates the mind and the body? Because if we didn’t, no one would be burdened with guilt for enjoying their own bodies.

Absolutely I agree with you there. I know as a person who is involved with spirituality and sexuality in my own church that I learned a long time ago that sex is Christianity’s dirty little secret. We want people to be wonderful, we want people to be saints, but we feel so uncomfortable around sexuality. It’s pathetic. People forget: God created sex. God created sex and it’s a good thing. Marriage of our sexuality and our spirituality is something we should expect in life.

Instead many people deny their sexuality to affirm their spirituality – recipe for guilt and shame. How do you get to the point where you can counteract that, and maybe consider that guilt and shame are by-products of a condemning society, rather than of God?

We have to look at ourselves. When I travel around I always tell people ‘if you hear me say just one thing, I want you to hear loud and clear from me this: God didn’t create you so God could have someone to sit around and hate.’ We get this notion that because we’re sexual beings that somehow we’re not good enough, or that we should be guilty about the feelings that we have, that are natural feelings, that are created feelings from God. I tell people over and over again: explore your spirituality and your sexuality, which are not mutually exclusive the way some religious groups try and teach.

But the root of conflict between religious practices and physical appetites is grounded in many things.

It’s grounded in a lot of things. I always say that Jesus was very positive about a lot of things, that Jesus never once mentions once in the gospel about homosexuality. I actually had a man who came and talked to me a few years ago in 1989. His wife attended an Irish American Catholic church, and once she couldn’t have children anymore she talked to her priest, who suggested they not have sex anymore. The man said to me, ‘We’re having problems in our house. Because our priest said that because my wife can’t have children anymore we shouldn’t have sex. And because my wife is a devout Catholic she is doing as the priest advised, and I’m having a real problem with it.’ All I could really do is talk to them, get them to seek some counselling and perhaps find another priest to talk to. The conflict has always been a real problem, and I always say that one of the reasons that people like to point fingers at the gay and lesbian community is this reputation we have for having more fun sexually –

Well you know that’s true. Come on!

(Laughing) – and the other reason is that we supposedly sleep with thousands of partners. I don’t believe that one either. I saw a statistic years ago that said we were supposed to be sleeping with 1,600 different men a year!

I wish I had that kind of time. Five guys a day.

(Laughing) I’d have to lie out on the Hollywood freeway and have every car that came my way stop! I think in the gay community even with leather, moving back into that, there’s even that extra added on. People sometimes don’t understand the leather community, and in dealing with sexuality and what’s right and wrong, people try to project onto us what they think leather is.

Can you describe your journey into leather?

Well, stupid me I went to the leather bar. I’d never been to one and didn’t know what it was. (Laughing) And I’m wearing my polyester pants, shirt; I arrived at the door and tried to get in. And the doorman said, ‘Where do you think you’re going?’ And I said, ‘Well, I’m going in the bar, I guess.’ ‘Not dressed like that,’ he tells me. ‘Pull off that coat and tie.’ I went back to my car, took off my coat and tie and went back. The doorman looked at me and said ‘Now where do you think you’re going?’ And I’m thinking, ‘What is wrong with this man?’ ‘Leather’s preferred here,’ he tells me.

So I said to the doorman, ‘Look, a friend of mine is in here, can I just go in and have him paged and then I’ll leave?’ So he let me in. I asked the bartender to page my friend and waited. And it was very dark; I started looking around and all at once I saw this guy at the end of the bar: chaps, boots, no shirt and a leather vest on. He was looking at me like he was undressing me. But here I am this little twenty-five year old guy! And all at once he said, ‘Here, pussy, pussy…’

He scared the living crap out of me and I thought ‘this is a Hell’s Angel’s bar, I’m fixing to get beat up,’ and I left. But: I could not get over the way he looked at me.

Then, after I founded MCC, I had four leathermen walk into my church. I thought again they were Hell’s Angels – we’d had some problems with bikers – and I told the ushers, ‘If they start anything call the police’. After service it turned out one of them was the president of a leather group. He invited me to meet other presidents of leather groups and asked if I’d ever been to a leather bar. I told him the story I just told you and he just laughed, laughed, laughed. And he took me out to one, but made me wear jeans, a black T-shirt and boots. The people that I met were genuinely interesting people, were professional for the most part. And I got cruised like mad and I just loved it. But I knew from that first visit before, when I saw that guy at the bar who turned me on with that first view – it was an exchange of energy. But it still frightened me and I was new to the gay community and I didn’t know how to act.

And you were so young as well.

And I was young. And so immediately I started going to leather bars from that day forward and it was amazing, and still continues to be, the most amazing experience for me.

Tell me about balancing being a proud leatherman and serving God.

I have a deep love of God. And I have a deep love of that part of me that is part of the leather community, too. And I don’t back off from that. I think balance comes because they are different facets of my life. When I’ve gone to see the U.S. President I wore a suit because that’s appropriate. But I’m not going to wear my three-piece suit or my clergy collar to a leather bar, I’m going to wear my leather there. And have a great time with my leather friends when I am there, too. I tell people I carry all of me before God. My work, leather or whatever, I carry all of that before God. I’m one to remind people that the spirituality you have is to be taken into the bedroom, too. You don’t leave it outside. And it’s really helped shaped me to be the person that I am. And the interests I have in leather have really shaped me.

Before we close, I have to tell you I can’t help but think of your story and be reminded of the Robert Duvall character in The Apostle.

You know something? That’s amazing. The L.A. Times did a story on me and the reporter went with me to see that. And when they showed Robert Duvall as a child, I said, ‘That is so close to home I can’t believe it’. That was just an incredible film for me because I also come from a Pentecostal background, and it’s about doing something you never thought you would do – it was an incredible story and a lot like me.

You’re a gay hero if there ever was one. Thanks for your time.

Thank you.

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