TOXIC TWOSOME :: (Names and certain personal details in this story have been altered.)
I received a frantic phone call a few nights ago from my friend Ryan about his hot-mess-of-a-boyfriend, Marc, who had gone too far and in a drugged-up state punched Ryan.
I told Ryan to meet me at Starbucks.
Bruised, scared, Ryan ran to me the second I came through the door: “I didn’t know where else to go. I can’t believe he actually hit me.”
I sat Ryan down on the couch in the corner and went and ordered two Pike Place coffees and some sort of double chocolate cookie that looked like you would have to run on the treadmill for forty minutes to burn off. Comfort food was the best first remedy for Ryan.
Some back-story on Ryan and Marc. Ryan is an accountant and is very successful. In contrast to his dominance in the world of business, he has the kindest heart that anyone has ever had.
This is his downfall.
For you see Ryan has this… syndrome that many of his friends have mentioned to him before but he has yet to see for himself.
Specifically, I call it “Saver Syndrome”. Saver Syndrome is what people with complete control of their lives suffer from, and it sees them subconsciously choosing men to date who have copious amounts of problems.
Enter toxic Marc.
Marc is one of those people that doesn’t have their shit together. He can never hold down a job for more than a few months at a time due to his constant partying and drug use. Personally, if I could, I would pull a Dexter and get rid of Marc indefinitely and find Ryan someone to treat him the way he deserves.
But I’m not a killer, alas, and so there I was instead, in Starbucks comforting Ryan. After a few coffee refreshments he told me Marc had once again gotten out of control when he went out. When Ryan confronted him about this was when Marc punched him.
I looked at Ryan and wondered: Why is it that the most amazing people end up loving those that are incredibly toxic? Do they somehow subconsciously search out those individuals who are out of control, believing they are the ones who can swoop in and save those that are unable to be saved?
After telling Ryan the same speech I knew he hears from all of his friends on why he should leave Marc, he, this time, finally agreed. Ryan told me that he was going to spend the night at another friend’s house and deal with dumping Marc in the morning.
As I gave Ryan a hug and said goodbye, I couldn’t help but think: Ryan may be the savior to many people, but who in the long run was going to save him?
– Cole Douglas is currently studying his degree in PR, and is TheGGN’s relationship blogger. Get more of Cole’s stories about love and sex on his blog, The Game.
If you’d like more information about abuse in LGBTQ relationships, start here. In Toronto contact The 519 Anti-Violence Program at 416-392-6874 xt. 117 between 9-5 Monday-Friday.
