ENDOWMENT (AND YOU THOUGHT CARRIE BRADSHAW HAD BIG PROBLEMS) :: I met a guy online to release a bit of tension from the week. You know, one of those men who have a profile picture that looks like they just stepped out of a photo shoot for GQ. He was tall, dark, chiseled in all the right places, offering a beautiful… package.
He and I decided to meet in person. We grabbed dinner, so our intended hook-up didn’t seem like such a one-night stand. And I was pleasantly surprised. He was not only gorgeous but also held amazing conversation. I found myself falling for this perfect specimen over dinner, but decided to speed things up before I became completely enthralled by this real life Michelangelo.
We went back to his place to start what we had intended when we met online. The second his door closed behind us we started attacking one another, clothes ripping off.
We stumbled to the bedroom and when I couldn’t contain my passion any longer I ripped off his underwear.
I stopped. There it was, his giant… giant. I don’t think I have ever seen something so large in my life. I looked from his smiling face to his… too big and started laughing.
He looked at me confused and said, “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing! I just don’t think that’s going to, well … fit.”
He smiled again and said, “We’ll find a way.”
It was probably the longest most uncomfortable sex of my life. I felt like I was being murdered.
Flying in the face of everything we are taught in Gay School, there was just too much of a good thing happening to actually have a good time.
The next week Mr. Too Big kept messaging me to go out again. But I knew that if we did it would only lead back into the bedroom; I had still not recovered from our last encounter. I felt partly depressed. Here was this God of a Man who wanted to see me again and all I could think about was how scared I was to jump back into bed with him.
Finally I decided to set this raging stallion free into the wild where he belonged. I told Mr. Too Big that I couldn’t see him anymore. I couldn’t believe it. I was throwing away the kind of man that every gay man (and straight woman) dreams about. But I was keeping a great lesson learned from this painful process: More isn’t always better.
Size matters in ways different than gay men are led to believe.
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