GAY GENERATION GAP :: Twenty-two year old Johnathan Sawicki gets an education at sea as he unearths a slowly disappearing infamous gay code.
I am an avid cruiser, that is to say the type that involves a boat and some exotic islands, not the constantly looking for a good time type. I have taken cruise vacations on both all-gay charters and regularly scheduled cruises. On the former I fit right in, on the latter I tend to stand out. Not surprisingly, the social dynamics on each types of cruise could not be further apart. That is, unless you know Dorothy:
“Friends of Dorothy Meeting – 9:30 pm – Martini Bar – Deck 5 aft”
The first time I saw this kind of event listing in the daily schedule on a “regular” cruise, I didn’t think anything of it. Assuming Dorothy was a popular socialite who was hosting a group on board, I opted for something else to fill my time. It wasn’t until a few non-gay cruises later that this type of event listing caught my eye again. Either I was being followed by Dorothy, or she was was not who I thought she was.
Then I got confirmation:
“Friends of Dorothy (LGBT) Meeting – 9:30pm – Martini Bar – Deck 5 aft”
LGBT? Surely in this case on a ‘straight’ ship that meant something else, I thought to myself, like when people say ‘grinder’ and actually mean a grinder. Besides the cruise ship dancers, I was confident I was the full extent of the LGBT representation on board this particular ship at sea.
That night, I decided to swing by and see what Dorothy had to offer. Unfortunately, I was correct…no “friends” in sight; just me, the only gay in the floating village. Needless to say, I left impatiently and still somewhat confused about what kind of event this Dot thing was… or wasn’t.
Once at home I did some research on the topic. What I stumbled upon was one of the more clever secrets of gay travel – and gay identity back well before I was born – that I’ve discovered to date. A “Friend of Dorothy” was simply a euphemism for a queer individual, or an ally. Where it originates depends who you ask, but the most popular answer lies in a reference to a true LGBT ally, late icon Judy Garland, referring to her role as Dorothy in The Wizard of Oz.
The term “Friend of Dorothy” was historically used when it was necessary to be more discreet when discussing one’s sexual orientation. Example: if someone caught my eye but I wasn’t sure whether or not we both “play for the same team,” I might strike up a conversation and eventually ask whether he knew/worked with/was related to or just simply a friend of Dorothy. Cruise lines caught onto this and in the late 1980’s began offering Friends of Dorothy meetings on board. Most large cruise lines still offer the event, sometimes daily.
Armed with this history lesson, I was eager to explore more. My most recent cruise proved to be an ideal place to add to my knowledge. While on my last few trips I had just casually gone by the meeting spot at the scheduled starting time, I never stuck around because there was never anyone else there.
This time, I ordered a drink and enjoyed the bar. Then, I noticed a few more people sitting down. Within an hour, Dorothy was the most popular gal on the ship! I met people from all over North America, from all different backgrounds. It didn’t take long for having a drink with Dorothy to become a nightly post-dinner routine; I was still meeting new people even on the last night.
What changed that Dorothy is no longer part of the lexicon of my age group? I think one reason is we’re part of a generation accustomed to social media, a generation where an app will show you the nearest hundred gay men anywhere you go. To say the art of socializing has been lost is an understatement for many. But just sitting down and being social face-to-face, thanks to Dorothy as hostess with the mostess, I learned not just a history lesson but also how nice it to connect old school.
Next time you travel, do keep your eyes open for Dorothy – she has a hell of a social circle.
Johnathan Sawicki is an aviation professional and travel blogger in Toronto. Take a window seat by following him on Twitter and stay tuned for the launch of his blog, Mile High Memoirs.
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