A SHORT LIST OF OPTIONS :: Sean Cribbin returns to TheGayGuideNetwork with this three-part series exploring the dynamics of long distance love. In this final instalment Cribbin weights his options; read part one here and two here.
Studies say the number one factor necessary for a relationship to occur is proximity. As I shared in part two of this series, the modern ways we communicate using the Internet helps, but in the end only being together live can form the emotional and physical ties that truly bind.
So where does a couple go from here? Where do I go from here, two years into a long distance relationship?
I face three likely scenarios, as most couples in long distance relationships eventually do:
1 – The relationship will combust on its own. One or both parties will come to the conclusion to end it, the hardship of distance having taken its toll.
2 – The gap will be bridged when one person take a risk and relocates (and the other takes a risk and allows the relocation), both compromises giving the relationship the opportunity to grow. At this point there is still a strong danger of the relationship not working, as normal daily realities and pressures arise, and personalities involved show their not-before-seen or previously overlooked non-long-distance-love colours.
3 – The couple maintains their long distance status quo, and are able to accept that theirs is a relationship defined by its distance; they let it be what it is.
Fun options, right? End it, make a huge life change, or keep things the same. If you are in the muck and mire of a long distance relationship as I am, you may thank me now for such brilliant insight.
Sarcasm aside, none of these choices are right or wrong, just the most likely ones one can expect to choose from at a certain point. Long distance relationships – like all relationships – are organic and unique to the individuals involved. Regardless, those of us in them, ideally, whether we admit it or not, pine for the Hollywood happy ending. I know I do.
A happy ending may never happen, but I believe you can be damn sure it will never happen if you do not take a chance.
As I review these three options I find it interesting that I have spent tortuous months of analyzing and therapy on how to pull off Option 1 and end a relationship with a great boyfriend, my long distance love. Interesting because I have never ended a relationship because the guy was a great guy; my track record seems to have drawn me mostly to jackasses.
But that was all before the revelation of Option 3 hit, that an end point did not have to be forced.
Option 2 could work but will take a lot of time and effort. Although my partner will never leave his tight-knit family to live here, I am more than happy to move to be with him. But the current immigration laws in the United States are not in our favour. We will continue to exhaust all legal options and are currently looking into the immigration lottery and an employment sponsor. If these do not pan out then we regroup and re-evaluate. Until all Option 2 is exhausted it is impossible to foresee the end-point of Option 1; I never want to live a life of what-ifs.
So for now Option 3 wins. That’s where I go from here. My advice to you if you are in a similar circumstance is to slow down and thoroughly enjoy your times together, create memories, and get to know as much about each other as possible.
Last but by no means least communicate. Communication is key in all relationships, but for the geographically impaired it is of dire importance when thousands of miles separate you both. Being and having an honest open book of a man can still make you sleep soundly at night feeling loved, protected and adored. Things all of us are entitled to and yet for some of us can only be found a world away.
