The murder of George Floyd and riots that continue in America have caused millions to wake up to the epidemic that is anti-blackness.
These last several days have even pushed the hot subject of Covid19 to the back burner. The question in my mind was whether or not to publish this post, which was written early last week, thinking that the timing of it could read as tone-deaf. It’s about the rise in violence against LGBT people, pandemic shaming, HIV and Covid-19.
None of us can survive under the assumption that what seems “outside” of our immediate sphere has nothing to do with us. If we are affected by racism, we are also affected by violence, homophobia, sexism, HIV stigma – all forms of prejudice. We need to collectively see difference as uniqueness and not as “separate” or threatening to one’s self.
Recently, my friend Donald, who lives in the Church/Wellesley neighbourhood of Toronto, where GGN is based, was randomly punched in the stomach on Church St. by a woman, near the Maple Leaf Garden Loblaws. Donald was okay – his attacker obviously wasn’t – but Donald is now also a statistic; LGBTQ people are victims of violence over two times more than straight people.
Toronto Police data show assaults in the Village have fluctuated since January.
There has been an uptick in break-and-enters. The pandemic has made the situation feel worsened; police sirens blare around here more than I’ve ever heard in two-plus decades of residing in the ‘hood.
Some worried area residents have pointed to a homeless encampment at Barbara Hall Park as part of the problem. It was taken down by the city, like many encampments throughout Toronto have, but then quickly re-erected soon after. (Moving homeless people about – many with serious mental health issues – is not the solution for a growing situation this rich city and indeed this rich country ought to be ashamed of, but I digress.)
In this red hot moment of the zeitgeist, it doesn’t help the feeling of “open season” on us, that Toronto’s latest homicide victim was Peter Elie, a beloved member of our queer community, who was killed in his midtown apartment building mid-May. A suspect has been arrested; a motive remains unclear.
The immediate festooning by those who mourned Elie’s murder of the windows and doorways of iconic bars Woody’s and Pegasus, where Peter DJ’d, with all manner of tributes was both beautiful and haunting. The flowers, notes and candles and framed photos and handmade expressions of love served to also underscore a growing troublesome feeling that violence against LGBTQ+ people is anywhere to be had around here in extra-trying times.
My friend Donald may have been punched in the gut but, correctly and admirably, still had the guts to contact the police.
A lot of us wouldn’t have. I was surprised – but not surprised – to read later in a Facebook post written by Donald that one of the two officers who paid him a visit “told me that I shouldn’t have my phone in front of me while walking and that the assault was my fault.”
I hope he filed a complaint. What raw nerve of the officer. You’d think – after taking an entire decade to find a serial killer, all the while assuring Toronto and it’s LGBTQ community there wasn’t a serial killer up to a month before arresting one – that police who are servicing the sacred space Bruce McArthur used as his personal safari wouldn’t have the gall that the officer who victim-blamed Donald so clearly did.
How long will actions like this, or police violence, brutality, and racial profiling continue against anyone not white, not straight, not like them?
You’d hope such impudence would not be behaviour of any member of a police force that failed us. Apparently not. But it is way too soon in my book for any police officer on the Toronto force to be anything less than contrite towards members of our community, or to anyone in the city.
Yet they aren’t; and they wonder why so many queers don’t want them having anything to do with a Pride festival.
I’ve had in my life had three encounters with Toronto Police and each of them was a disgusting experience.
Aggressive, assumptive, dismissive, fear-based and intimidation-filled, each of them. Donald being victim-blamed for someone randomly punching him in his stomach only adds to my high disregard towards the local force and I understand why it’s so that so many LGBTQ+ victims of violence are loathe to call and report violence or hate when it happens to them when even one of us gets this kind of treatment.
Would you call?
I hope nothing like what Donald experienced ever happens to you, but if it does, do yourself and our community a favour and do call the police, anyway. Don’t stay silent or let the potential bias and prejudice you may receive stop you. The police work for us, and it is pathetic they need to be reminded of this, to put it mildly. But remind them: we ought to feel safe outside our homes. Part of that safety is the responsibility of the police to live up to their slogan, “to serve and protect” the one written on the sides of the latest penis-extender cop cars in which they cruise the city, looking like something out of Dade County.
Speaking of shoddy treatment, these COVID times are challenging aren’t they?
Hands up if you’ve had frayed nerves of late? It isn’t always easy to treat one another with kindness on purpose, and one place I’ve been seeing that challenge is on online sex hookup sites and apps. There, members seem divided into two camps: the resolute, stay-at-home-no-sex-with-someone-outside-the-home-whatsoever grouping, and those who are still looking to get it on.
Many of the latter group report shaming, judgement and stigmatization (in a way that reminds me of the same foulness handed to sexually active men during the height of the AIDS pandemic). To those Judge Judy’s doing the do, I would ask you to consider dialling the pandemic shaming down a smidge. Not everyone is you, not everyone is as disciplined or strong. We never know what someone else is feeling or going through at any given moment.
Many MSMs I know are drastically lowering their encounters as harm reduction, while others are taking creative, valid precautions during sexual encounters, and this should be encouraged, not derided. As with AIDS, and similarly, with substance abuse, an abstinence-only approach can not only be ineffective, it can lead to poorer outcomes, including driving behaviour underground, which we learned from the AIDS pandemic.
Use your power for good; anything less is an illusion of control.
You don’t have to agree with another person’s choices, and we know you’re not about to shag them, but none of us ever knows what someone else is going through that’s made harder or worsened somehow by a “See You Next Tuesday” response when they ask if you’re looking to play. We’re all making our way through this as best we can. No one is deliberately trying to do their worst, ever.
Here’s a few links with sex-positive, helpful information to close out this post:
- I Zoom’d last week with a Montreal sex worker who continues to produce porn content during Covid-19 – and receives judgement and criticism for it – about how we inflict too much-unneeded pandemic-shaming on each other, which you can watch here.
- Compassionate and empathetic advocacy on this subject is being seen on social media, give a like to the Gay Men’s Sexual Health Alliance Facebook page to see what I mean.
- Fagdemic is also a must-follow on Instagram and Twitter. With a focus on PnP and hooking up during COVID-19 times, these socials, run by “a couple of community-minded fags” who “know of the limits government-funded agencies can speak to”, and who felt “in this moment we as a community need to model radical honesty and generous spirits” is one of my favourites follows this year for achieving just that. Kudos.
- Covid-19 has also challenged the HIV-positive community and the subject of their intersection and risks has been a topic of much confusion and much misinformation. To get the correct COVID-HIV intel, and have a chat about the newest in HIV treatment, we dropped in on Zahid Somani, whose two Village Pharmacy locations have served the Toronto LGBTQ community for years. You can learn more about COVID-19 and HIV here.
– Shaun Proulx, Founder / Publisher, GGN
