30 DAYS HAPPY :: Last winter, long-time GGN* contributor Raquel Richards found herself in the midst of what she called “a huge transition in my life”. She was jobless (“leaving my previous job needed to happen if I wanted my health”), had no money; Richards was even on anti-anxiety medication.
GGN publisher Shaun Proulx asked her to consider his 30 Days Happy Challenge, using a simple tool he has offered in past workshops he’s hosted.
“We become expert at thinking, talking, Facebook-ing, tweeting, all that isn’t working for us,” explains Proulx. “Then we do things like read the news, read social media which reinforces that not much is going well in the world. Then we talk amongst our selves, we join online chat groups to talk about it even more – pretty quickly life shows you the evidence of the story you are telling. 30 Days Happy is simply about deliberately telling a different story. From there is where change happens – it can’t not.”
So rather than being adept at describing what wasn’t working in her life, Proulx challenged Richards to become skilled at talking about what was working, noticing things and then re-inforcing on paper 30 days of happy as a way to create a fresh focus. Richards also joined the social media site, Happier.com, where complaining, being mean, ranting and so forth is discouraged.
This is Richard’s 30 Days Happy Diary:
Day 1: The sun is shining on my face as write and my big cat Dezmond has decided he’s going to join me in my office, sitting his big lovely self right behind my butt. Although he can’t make us any money, I welcome him. Even if I am now half off my chair. I am happy because is I have an awesome business meeting today which could change my life.
Day 2: How am I going to blog daily about something I’m happy about? How can I possibly be happy when I don’t have a job? No income coming in? I’m late paying my rent? When I have a family who could not care less about my emotional and financial health – which pains me to realize.
But I am happy because I am on a path to a happier, healthier me. Although I’m going through this struggle of no job, no money, no social life or emotional support from my family, I have to pick myself up and dust myself off. I know deep inside I’m on a path to finding a better me, a healthier me, a new me.
Day 3: I have been asked to head am Electronic Dance Music Scene project! It will be some time before it is off the ground, but to be hand-picked for this opportunity makes me happy.
Day 4: I baked chocolate molten cakes. They were delicious. Sure I over-baked them so the molten wasn’t so…. moltie… but damn they were delicious – and made me happy.
Day 5: Last night I made my homemade vegan chilli, it wasn’t the best batch, but that’s OK it was still delicious. Today I decided I was going to make this recipe I have been eyeing in LCBO’s winter 2014 Food & Drink magazine. With this time on my hands I have become somewhat of a “foodie”. Who would have thought!
I enjoy having a glass of wine and cooking while Dezmond watches me from the sidelines, listening to my favourite internet radio station The Beat Amsterdam. I find this calming and warm. Today made me very, very happy.
Day 6: Being unemployed for a powerhouse like myself has been hard, but today I went out with my ex who is now my best friend. The talking and sharing was wonderful and just what I needed.
I also made one of my kick-ass homemade soups, this one with chicken, veggies and some large-ass noodles with a kick of heat to warm the soul during this frigid season.
Day 7: I finally put an end to a friendship that wasn’t really a friendship. It was a long time coming and as with any break-up I felt shaken and stirred. For about 15 minutes. I am happy my set of balls grew two sizes today. I’m glad I stood up for myself.
Day 8: I can cook. No. Seriously, I can cook! I used to be able to make the basics such as chicken, potatoes, rice, veggies but now I can actually cook a meal fit for a dinner party! An Indian dinner party! An Asian dinner party! Heavenly soups that would make the Soup Nazi jealous.
When I made my latest recipe, Rajmah, I thought I died and went to food heaven.
Day 9: I was sleeping this morning when I felt Dezmond’s paw pulling away at the blanket to find an opening. He crept in behind me until we were sleeping back-to-back. Feeling his soft fur against my back was happiness.
Day 10: Today was the happiest day so far! First I went to meet with a new yoga studio to volunteer. I start in a couple of days. So excited to get my practice on! The other was this EDM network project. The lead partner gave me some money to help me during my unemployment.
I felt so anxious and overwhelmed about all this goodness that happened in literally one day. I have a saying, “One day can change your life”.
Day 11: Talk about things backfiring. It turns out the yoga studio owner wants me to pay $40 for 30 days – and then she will see what we can do together. I politely declined and then went out and enjoyed a wonderful date, with me. I took myself out to a Japanese lunch enjoying vast amounts of sushi while I reading about Selena Gomez and Justin Beiber.
Day 12: That friendship I felt I ended a few days ago really ended today and I couldn’t be happier. It felt good to finally tell her how I feel and to let go.
Day 13: Today I got a call for another job interview which I am excited for on top of having a meeting for the EDM network I have been talking about. This man I am partnered with is a wealth of knowledge. He worked with the likes of Rod Stewart, Alice Cooper, Ozzy Ozborne, The Guess Who, Black Sabbath, Chris Sheppard and many more of music’s biggest names. I am learning so much my head is spinning with new knowledge and wondering who I came to meet this remarkable man but I have, and I am damn lucky!The fact a man of this calibre has faith in me is beyond happiness.
Day 14: I had an ex contact me on the day of Valentine’s Day to see if I wanted to go out for a late dinner or drinks. On Valentine’s Day. And this happened after I read his Facebook post which said, “Valentine’s Day is just another day for me”. It was a lovely gesture but this was one of the reasons I broke up with him in the first place; timing. I am happy I stood my ground and said no – after-all if a guy is really into me he would asked me in advance. Happiness is standing up for me.
Day 14: I received a message from the yoga studio owner informing me she is now wanting to move forth with her volunteer program and really wants me due to my experience and skills to help her out. I am happy I listened to my previous manager now yoga teacher at this studio to inquire about the Agreement and to have held my ground and my self worth managing at a yoga studio. I am happy once again I accepted myself and took into practice my self-worth and stuck to believing in myself.
Day 15: I bought Dezmond a scratching post. If you have a cat you know can be a hard thing to buy – will they use it? At this time I cannot afford to make a purchase that won’t be used. What makes me happy is I asked the store if my cat does not like it can I return it and they said ‘yes’.
Day 16: I went to my bffs place for dinner. They have been married for a year, together for over nine. They are so special to me because they have always been there for me, and no words can describe how much they are meant for each other. It’s through them I know what happiness in a relationship and supposed to be.
Day 17: I was sleeping on my tummy and my cat Dezmond decided to come aboard my back, lay down and stretch his front paws in front of him which spanned across my waist. He just chilled there for about twenty minutes. It felt so nice to feel his furry, soft warm body stretched across my skin. All the while the birds were chirping and the sun was shining, a beautiful happy morning.
Day 18: I helped a fellow music scene friend, Adele by interviewing a German trance music duo Kyau and Albert for her popular EDMS website.
It makes me feel great that I have known Adele since my days hosting “Electronica” on bpm:tv and how we sincerely help each other even though some would say we have competing websites. Being apart of team and contributing to each other is simply happy music.
Day 19: Happy co-incidence. The consultant on the EDM network was hired by Stornoway Communications, the company who owns the channel bpm:tv where I hosted, wrote, and produced the music video show, “Electronica”.
Day 20: I decided to stand up for myself today: I’m supposed to ask how high when the EDM consultant says jump; the advance he gave me apparently came with a price. I simply thanked him time. Being strong is something I’m learning to be. And I was today.
Day 21: I decided to not accept the offer for the EDM network. It feels good to realize my worth, experience and smarts.
Day 22: I got a job! I have worked so hard over this month between travelling and spending money I didn’t have on transit I didn’t have but perseverance – and staying positively focused no matter what – gets you where you want.
Day 23: I received a not so complimentary reply to my email where I passed on the EDM network project.It made me happy to once again stand up for myself. I have discovered to set boundaries and to not over extend myself.
Day 24: I went out with my ex to a media launch event, and then out for drinks to a great restaurant on Queen West in Toronto which served me up the best gin dry martini with not six but eight olives! That is happiness!
Day 25: My mom finally broke down and treated herself to an iPad Air because she doesn’t want to be a “dinosaur”. I purchased it on her behalf, set it up, taught her how to use it and bought a pair of Bose speakers for her to listen to her dance music which she loves so much. My mom will be so happy once she gets a grasp of it.
Day 26: I had my first day at my new job. Although my hours are not a lot at this time it feels so good to be working and to be working in an environment which I am not treated badly. I am happy to go to work.
Day 27: My yogis gave me a 30 day gift of personal and bootcamp training.Talk about happiness.
Day 28: My quads are killing me, but the pain is happy work out pain.
Day 29: I decided to be creative and paint my milk crates which I have been using as end tables. Once I am finished painting them they will match my apartment and look like enlarged Lego pieces.
Day 30: To find one thing to be happy for 30 days is something I thought would be difficult. Looking back at this list, I realized just how many things that occur in my life on a daily basis make me happy.
I noticed as the days wore on how many happy moments I could list; it got easier. I am weaning myself off my daily anxiety meds, I am slowly cutting out GMO foods, and not allowing myself to be around negative vibes. The idea of another day of happy makes me happy.
– Raquel Richards
* Gay guide to good life
