SUCCESSFUL LIVING :: Toxic relationships abound. Especially in the LGBT community, it isn’t uncommon for us to make the mistake of clinging on too long when we’re in unhealthy friendships or negative partnerships.
One major reason is simply a built-in sense of loyalty to those people who early on supported us, respected us, and loved us – not matter who we are. Growing up as many of us do, feeling unsupported, disrespected, and unloved – because of who we are – lays the foundation for getting stuck in toxic relationships that no longer serve us.
But if you desire success and growth and expansion in your life, it’s important to examine – no matter how difficult it is – whether or not you are being held back by those you are intimately involved with. Friends and partners have a huge impact on the direction of your life; success cannot come if you are with people who are not a match.
Here are a few ways to know if a person is right for you:
- They give and take. You get that feeling in your solar plexus about that friend who only calls when they want something, only goes out when you can pay, constantly needs advise, consoling, an ear, a shoulder – and that feeling feels awful. Plus, they are never there in the same way for you; it’s all about them. Make sure that friend or partner is capable of being both sides of the coin – they are keepers.
- They appreciate your success. If you’re shooting for the moon and have people around you who are always ready with why you shouldn’t, what could go wrong, why you should fear what you desire, that friend is probably no longer for you. Real friends and partners, the ones you want around you, LOVE to watch you soar – and feel inspired by you.
- You admire them. It is simply impossible to be successful if you are the star of the show with everyone in your life. Someone – preferably lots of people – needs to be in your orbit, whom you admire, who pushes you, teaches you, advises and mentors you. If you are that person to the people in your life, maybe it’s time to look at those people a little more closely.
- They are on the leading edge. They push themselves. They take dares. If you have friends who are afraid of change, who hate their apple cart being upset, who don’t like it when you change, you may want to look at changing that friend. If you want success, you want to make a point of finding people to be with who are scared as hell but ready to leap anyway.
This isn’t to suggest that people with whom you are no longer a match are wrong or bad. It’s to say there comes a time in all of our lives when certain people hinder rather than help our personal expansion. That’s what toxic relationships are: they hold you back, or bring you down.
In fact, staying in toxic relationships with people just because of what you once were to each other is likely holding them back as much as it’s holding you.
Knowing when to call it a day with toxic relationships can often be the most loving act you can do for them – and yourself.
– GGN publisher Shaun Proulx lives well and by his own rules. His blog on how to be, do and have anything is here.
