Never mind our ever-changing healthcare landscape, just going to the doctor as a queer person in and of itself can be a stressful event. While everyone wants to think that the stigmas and stereotypes surrounding the LGBTQIA+ community aren’t as strong as they once were, you still face the risk of having your identity invalidated or questioned. 

Your concerns can also be dismissed or attributed solely to your queerness. 

It should come as no surprise, then, that many in the queer community avoid going to the doctor altogether. However, if we ever want things to truly change, it’s essential to advocate yourself as a queer patient. You might not be able to change people’s perspectives or opinions, but there are things you can do to ensure you’re receiving the best care possible. 

Let’s take a closer look at how you can speak up to your healthcare professionals and become an advocate for yourself and others in the queer community. 

Understanding Your Rights

If you don’t understand your basic rights as a patient, you’ll lose steam very quickly when it comes to talking with your doctor. Some of the most basic patient rights include:

• Receiving treatment without discrimination;
• Asking questions about your health and treatments;
• Getting a second opinion;
• Making decisions about your health;
• Being treated by medical staff who respect your privacy;
• Being treated with respect and dignity.

Not only can understanding those rights make you feel more confident during medical exams, but you’ll quickly know if they aren’t being met. If they aren’t, you’ll have the knowledge and fuel needed to speak up and speak out. 

Moreover, patient rights aren’t unique to Canada. Understanding and comparing medical rights throughout similar regions can help you to find the best care for you. There is a similar set of patient rights that are part of the American Medical Association’s code of ethics. Even though you’re not an American citizen, American healthcare providers are required to respect your rights if you are their patient. 

Long story short, if healthcare providers — Canadian or American — aren’t respecting your rights, they’re running an unethical practice. 

Practice Your Speech

Many people struggle with nerves or even fear when it comes to going to the doctor. If you’re already nervous about your medical care, you’re probably not going to be comfortable opening up and taking a stand for yourself. 

One of the best things you can do to calm your nerves and stay on track is to practice a “speech” ahead of time. Know exactly what you want to say to your provider, including questions you want to ask and concerns you want to bring to their attention. It’s okay to write some things down to serve as reminders. 

If you’re still uncomfortable or nervous, bring someone with you. Bringing a friend or family member to your appointment can help you feel “shielded,” and your doctor may be less likely to show discrimination with someone else in the room. 

Know When To Go

No matter how long you’ve been with a certain healthcare provider, it’s important to know when it’s time to seek out someone else. If you don’t feel comfortable with your doctor or you feel like you have to repress who you really are, you could be doing more harm than good to your mental well-being. 

Again, it’s your right to ask for a second opinion from another doctor if you don’t agree with what your provider has to say. However, there’s a difference between getting a second opinion once or twice and actually looking for a completely different provider. You should consider changing your doctor if: 

• You can’t openly communicate with them;
• They have no respect for you or your time;
• They can’t provide the expertise you need;
• They don’t want you to get a second opinion.

Thankfully, there are many doctors throughout the country who are allies and would be happy to take you as a patient. Healthcare is nothing to take lightly. If you don’t feel comfortable with your provider, don’t let it keep you from getting the care you deserve. Speak up for yourself, and don’t be afraid to walk away.

• Sam Bowman

The post GGN EMPOWERMENT :: Advocating For Yourself As A Queer Patient appeared first on TheGayGuideNetwork.com.

GGN EMPOWERMENT :: If it works, do more of it. That’s the simple principle behind the scale up of the Community-Based Research Centre’s (CBRC) HIV self-testing pilot–one that has already seen more than 8,850 self-test kits sent to 2S/LGBTQIA+ people across Canada over the past two years.

HIV self-tests, approved for use in Canada since 2020, guides a user through drawing their own finger-prick of blood to combine with three small solutions. The highly-accurate test produces a positive or negative HIV result in about one minute, prompting the user to get confirmatory bloodwork if positive. Retailing at about $35 per self-test, CBRC hopes to take the cost and other barriers out of the equation by creating an online portal for people to order tests for free.

“You don’t pay to get an HIV test from your physician, so why should you pay for this?” asks Chris Draenos, CBRC’s National STBBI Testing and Linkage Implementation Manager. “In fact, it’s probably cheaper for the public health system than what your physician would bill to do a test.”

That could be partly why the Public Health Agency of Canada (PHAC)–the department responsible for supporting the federal response to public health issues, including HIV–has provided the funds enabling CBRC to deliver these additional 15,000 self-tests. Another reason is to reach the latest UNAIDS 95-95-95 fast-track targets–a global pledge Canada has made, part of which includes 95 percent of all people living with HIV to know their status by 2025.

Right now, an estimated 1 in 10 people who have HIV don’t know it–translating into thousands of people. Without knowing your status, you can’t receive treatment and achieve viral suppression–which makes it impossible to spread the virus to others.

Because gay, bisexual and men who have sex with men continue to make up the largest proportion of new HIV infections, it’s therefore especially important for them and other members of the 2S/LGBTQIA+ community to get tested. But that’s been particularly hard to do these past few years.

“In Nova Scotia, there’ve been large swaths of time in which the lab was not accepting HIV and other STBBI samples because those tests take up the same professionals and the same machines as COVID,” says Abbey Ferguson, Executive Director of the Halifax Sexual Health Centre. “Primary care access is also pretty poor at the moment, and we haven’t been able to bounce back post-COVID as far as getting timely blood work appointments.”

Because of these and other factors–like the reality of more remote communities in Nova Scotia–Ferguson estimates it could still take weeks, or even months, for someone in her province to receive an HIV assessment through the traditional channels. “In that context, the ability to take your health into your own hands and get tested at home has a lot of value.”

That’s why the Halifax Sexual Health Centre became one of a dozen community organizations to partner with CBRC in delivering HIV self-tests in-person, in addition to CBRC’s online ordering system.

“I think it was really, really successful,” says Ferguson, whose centre hosted pop-up distribution events in places like libraries. “It gets us out where folks actually are, puts a very friendly face to our services and sets the tone of the experience you’d get at your follow-up later.”

Draenos agrees, explaining that partnerships with other organizations will continue to be a big part of distributing the self-tests.

“Community distribution of HIV self-tests are more likely to reach people who have never tested before,” he says, highlighting that a quarter of people given a self-test in-person through the pilot had never been tested before, compared to 10 percent who ordered a test online.

“Organizations are very keen to support this, but many of them don’t have stable funding. Now that we’re able to provide funding associated with self-test distribution, this is an opportunity for our community to engage with each other and have conversations about health and wellbeing.”

The importance of both mail and in-person delivery methods was just one lesson to come from delivering the previous 8,000-plus tests. Making sure the tests were properly stored away from heat, helping people interpret faulty results and making sure the right quantity of blood was squeezed into the test were other key learnings, says Draenos. But these, and other, directions can be communicated through materials sent out with the tests, as well as through a support line.

“We offer virtual peer support for self-tests from 2S/LGBTQIA+ community members through email, toll-free calling and texting,” says Draenos. “That communication also allows us to recommend other resources in STBBI care and prevention, mental health supports and harm reduction services.”

Peer support wasn’t the only thing CBRC paired with HIV self-tests. Medicine Bundles were available to Two-Spirit Indigenous people accessing self-tests in what is colonially referred to as British Columbia–a parallel project created and led by that community.

“The Medicine Bundle is where we keep our spiritual objects that we use in ceremony,” says Martin Morberg, the Two-Spirit Program Coordinator at CBRC. Including things like Bear grease, sage, cedar, tobacco ties, lavender and sweetgrass, these medicines are wrapped with HIV self-tests to nurture a more fulsome and culturally-relevant health intervention.

“It’s cultural relativism–an understanding that these western tools work, they have the science and research to back them up in regards to testing for HIV,” says Morberg. “But we also understand that Indigenous people have systems of health that are equally as valid. Indigenous worldviews of health are beyond just the physical. We are more than just our bodies, we are holistic beings. Our spirits also need nourishment when addressing our health needs.”

As with the newest batch of 15,000 HIV self-tests, CBRC has created an online portal for Indigenous people in the colonially-recognized area of British Columbia to request Medicine Bundles. Based on the popularity and positive reviews for both projects, Draenos is expecting continued high uptake.

“We’ve done all this research work, we’ve learned a lot about what works and what doesn’t and we’ve really refined our processes to make sure that we’re focusing on what matters most to our community members.”

To order an HIV self-test kit, visit here.
To order a Medicine Bundle in what is colonially known as British Columbia, visit here.

This post was originally published on CBRC.net

The post GGN EMPOWERMENT :: Get Your Free HIV Self-Testing Kit appeared first on TheGayGuideNetwork.com.

Her name is Jax, and while she was in Toronto playing the The Dreamer Day Fest earlier this week, I got a chance to sit down and talk with her about the kinds of body image issues she’s faced – ones many queer people also understand all too well. (Show me another photoshopped, oiled-up, gym bod and tell me that’s the ideal gay man and I’ll throw something.)

Here’s my conversation with her. Dog alert: my new pup Léo does make an appearance:

Have a blessed day!

• Shaun Proulx
• GGN

The post GGN POP CULTURE: Jax Knows Victoria’s Secret appeared first on TheGayGuideNetwork.com.

The corporate world seems to always wave the rainbow flag in June, when any show of support to the LGBTQ+ community can become a quick cash grab. However, once Pride Month comes to an end each year, much of the progress that LGBTQ+ employees make often falls to the wayside, as do many of the protections they receive.

Nevertheless, inclusivity in the workplace is a must for all businesses — and it needs to be a value that companies fully embrace for more than a month. As the percentage of Canadian adults self-identifying as LGBTQ+ from 2015 to 2018 rose to 3.3%, creating a safe workspace for all sexual orientations and gender identities is more important than ever.

We’ll explore the difficulties that LGBTQ+ employees face in the workplace, as well as how companies can alleviate their hardships and protect their LGBTQ+ workforce.

How LGBTQ+ Employees Are Left Behind

Over 25% of global LGBTQ+ workers, including the majority of junior employees, aren’t broadly “out” at work. In a time when LGBTQ+ rights are still contentious, openly identifying as a part of the queer community can make employees the targets of microaggressions and social isolation. In fact, openly bisexual women experience significantly more microaggressions and sexual harassment than their straight and male counterparts.

However, not coming out can be stressful in its own right. LGBTQ+ employees may carry the heavy burden of trying to “act straight” throughout their workdays, which can lead to ongoing worries about being outed. This constant anxiety can affect their quality of work and, therefore, their ability to thrive in the workplace and access pay raises and promotions.

As company culture begins to transform, business leaders can play a big role in maintaining the longevity of that company’s inclusion efforts.

How to Make Workplaces More Inclusive for LGBTQ+ Employees

Workplace inclusion initiatives must target the foundations of a business to create long-lasting change in the workplace. While diversity and inclusion training can help workers be mindful of their language and actions, cultural transformation is key to fully embracing the LGBTQ+ community and protecting their workers’ rights.

To start, companies must shift toward inclusive policies that allow for greater freedom of expression for gender identities and sexual orientations. For instance, creating a gender-neutral dress code and implementing gender-neutral bathrooms allows LGBTQ+ employees to comfortably exist without gender norms. Similarly, policies can expressly protect the rights of employees who speak about their same-sex partners or who invite them to company socials.

Leading by Example

As company culture begins to transform, business leaders can play a big role in maintaining the longevity of that company’s inclusion efforts. By keeping doors open for conversations about diversity and inclusion, companies can promote a work environment where everyone’s opinions are equally valued. For instance, employees can discuss their safety concerns about upcoming work trips or sponsored vacations — and as a result, the company can be mindful when planning LGBTQ+ friendly travels for a team.

Keep the conversation going in a company’s chat channels and messaging applications; companies shouldn’t be afraid to field hard questions. Open conversations are key, and unified communications can help transform the workplace by facilitating these conversations, especially in the post-pandemic remote work landscape.

Financially Support the LGBTQ+ Community

A company stating good intentions is never enough to build a truly inclusive workplace. Backing up a commitment to the LGBTQ+ community requires significant actions, including investment in LGBTQ+ protections and support for their financial needs.

Unfortunately, LGBTQ+ employees often lack many of the benefits that straight and cisgender individuals receive. For instance, domestic partners often aren’t covered by life insurance or healthcare benefits, and a lack of paternity leave may prevent male same-sex couples from receiving time off for adoptions. Transgender employees also frequently struggle to find companies with health insurance or medical leave policies that support their transitions.

Providing these missing benefits is a big internal leap toward a completely inclusive workplace.

Employees may also appreciate companies that publicly support the LGBTQ+ community — perhaps by donating to relevant nonprofits or by investing in ongoing pro-LGBTQ+ campaigns. This can show employees that a company is on their side, and that they’re willing to ditch intolerant customers for them.

Sparking a Positive Change as an LGBTQ+ Employee

LGBTQ+ employees can play a role in building inclusivity in the workplace, too. Advocating for your rights in the face of discriminatory policies or microaggressions can be beneficial for all members of your community. However, you don’t have to do it alone. You can form a network of LGBTQ+ employees and allies who can work together to create proposals for positive change, which you can deliver to business leaders as a team.

By forming an alliance, you can also ensure every LGBTQ+ employee feels like they have adequate emotional support and positive work relationships, so no one feels isolated in their roles.

One step at a time, business leaders and LGBTQ+ employees can move toward long-term progress and achieve an enormous positive impact.

• Sam Bowman

The post EMPOWERMENT :: Workplace Inclusivity appeared first on TheGayGuideNetwork.com.

Monkeypox is here, as we are all too well aware. The WHO aims to rename the virus “MPVX” to counter stigma and racism (notice Western media using photos of black people in stories on monkeypox?) As the time of this posting, the WHO is also convened a meeting to determine if MPVX is a global health emergency.

But what do we do about the other big issue that has arisen?  The blanket association media and other voices have been making between MPVX and gay men is problematic in a multitude of ways.

From CBC to CNN, outlets have put focus on the sexuality of those who have acquired MPVX. (Funny: a disproportionate number of straight people first acquired Covid-19, yet their sexuality was not reported.) 

But now it’s a disproportionate number of gay men who have acquired MPVX, and so immediately much of mainstream media coverage has been infuriating and irresponsible. Most media have wasted no time in sometimes salaciously reporting this “gay link,” with very few outlets putting effort into offering some context, let alone telling the whole story. 

And that’s dangerous. We’ve been down this road to hell already. Do we want to travel it again?

Firstly, “gay men”  aren’t the whole high risk group. The at-risk include male-identifying people who fit any of the following: sex workers; those who have attended a sex club, bath house, or have had anonymous / casual sex, or two or more sexual partners in general in the past 21 days; and/or those who have had a bacterial STI in the last two months. 

But let’s just say “gay men” for the sake of argument. Why are we acquiring MPVX? Gay men socialize in intimate ways in large groups. We also meet and greet up-close; we hug, we kiss. We’re more sex positive, with many of us enjoying bath houses and saunas and sex parties and freely hooking up. We attend sweaty bump ’n’ grind dance events, as thousands will this Pride season, and we often travel long distances to get to them. 

Given this, and that the virus usually spreads through lose contact with someone with rashes / lesions (sex, sharing contaminated bedding, hugging, skin-to-skin contact) it’s not difficult to understand why gay men are higher risk. 

Experts also add two factors that explain why cases are being detected in our community first: our health providers being on higher alert, and our regular testing for sexually transmitted diseases.

But none of this is given airtime. That MPVX is moving through sexual contact but is NOT a sexually transmitted disease isn’t given airtime. 

It’s reported again and again as a gay man’s thing, the subtext of which can often be read as “because gay men attract and spread disease,” the end. No further explanation.

This irresponsibility opens us all up to stigma, demonization, blame and hate, similar to what we witnessed the gay community suffer for years with HIV/AIDS. We still bear the awful collateral damage of what that did to society’s perception of us, four decades in.

Our experience with HIV/AIDS is a hard-won lesson that would behoove mainstream media, public health officials, social media voices, and our community at large to learn as we deal with this latest virus. 

The consequences of not learning from the past are many: heterosexual people will assume they’re not susceptible; closeted men will avoid care so they’re not seen as gay; haters will exploit this new “gay disease” to fuel more hate at a time when hatred against LGBTQ+ people is on the rise. 

And if MPVX is seen as a “gay disease,” how are governments and businesses likely to care? They didn’t with HIV/AIDS for the longest time. Conversely, look at Covid, seen as affecting us all – and seen as a virus could have affected the health and wealth of those in the upper echelons of society. 

Every effort was made to get it  under control in record time.

It was like being in a time machine this week, when I overheard a gay man in the Village point to the hideously long line up of people waiting to get their vaccine crack to his friend: “Look: all the sluts are lining up for the monkey pox shot.” Hearing that took me back to the not so long-ago time when some gay men were calling other gay men “Truvada whores” when PrEP first came out, and then to a time much further away, when some gay men would point out with great distain other gay men who were rumoured to fuck bareback, before life-saving meds had come along, shaming them. 

We eat our own; another consequence of gay men accepting ownership of MPVX.

MPVX is anyone’s to acquire, and it’s important to warn the at-risk crowd, while not making MPVX AIDS 2.0.  We’ve got to get the message out to high-risk people, without making MPVX about us. 

Meanwhile, it’s important to push back against what we’re seeing in the media and elsewhere. Don’t accept that this is solely a gay man’s problem just because we’re higher risk, and because media keeps noting our sexuality, like a kind of fake news. Whether it’s your inner monologue about MPVX and yourself, or in conversation with or response to others, remind yourself it’s not a gay disease, and educate people around you. 

Someone’s got to do it right, it might as well be us. And if it’s not MPVX, it will be something else. South of the border this week, the Centre for Disease Control in the US just warned of an outbreak of the serious-to-deadly Meningococcal Disease in Florida among – you guessed it… gay men.

Get vaccinated, have a blessed Pride, and don’t take ownership of this, or any other disease. 

Otherwise it’s all just a miserable history repeating. Gay men deserve much better than that.

• Shaun Proulx, GGN Founder + Publisher

The post SOCIETY :: The Dangers Of Linking Monkey Pox To Gay Men appeared first on TheGayGuideNetwork.com.

By Raquel Richards

It’s the middle of the night, and you’re cozy, asleep in bed. All of a sudden, you are woken up by a loud thumping noise. Two large male figures are silhouetted by the light outside your bedroom. They barge into your room, whip the covers off you, grab your arms, and fiercely drag you out of bed. Your heels indent lines in the plush carpet. Your arms feel like they will rip out of their sockets. As you’re hauled away, you see your parents shaking their heads, holding each other as heavy tears drench their faces. ‘Why is this happening?’, you think to yourself through your screams echoing down the stairs and out the door into a dark van.

This was the beginning of what Paris Hilton and others like her will never be able to turn back from — trauma.

We all wear many masks every day: work mask, son/daughter mask, parent mask, and so on.

The mask a trauma survivor wears — like that of a Paris Hilton, dragged out of her home in the middle of the night as her parents watched — is anything but temporary. The mask we wear becomes normal. We wear it day and night; for years.

A trauma survivour’s mask becomes their protective shield. Many of us unconsciously wear a mask because it takes away the abuse we endured. Trauma survivours desperately want to portray anything but the sad, hurt, tired, and scared person under their mask. 

Paris Hilton, in her 2020 documentary, “This is Paris” is a perfect example of this type of trauma. How you perceive Paris is because of how she wants you to receive her. She put on her mask after she left Provo Canyon boarding school – where her parents sent her to “smarten up” – when she was a teen. Now at 39, she has decided to take off her mask to reveal her true self. After filming her doc for a year, it became personally important for her to unmask and reveal her truth.

It was through an on-camera self-discovery journey that she noticed how heavy her mask was and how much work it was to wear every day. It became so overbearing she realized people only viewed her as this “Simple Life” baby-talking, bubble-headed, sex tape, DUI girl, when underneath she is a strong woman who works hard for everything she has built. 

My experience of wearing a mask took a lot of energy, emotion, and presentation.

It became my lifestyle. According to the Canadian Association for Mental Health (CAMH), children who are abused, as I was, may not be able to understand what is happening to them is wrong. Yet, their bodies may register the danger and as adults, their bodies still hold the memories of abuse.

At 15, Paris’ trauma came from the abuse she endured while at boarding schools for teens with behavioural problems in the late 1990s. Her parents, Rick and Kathy Hilton chose to send her to the program. Paris explains that until making the documentary, they were not privy to the treatment she endured. She was forced into solitary confinement, forced to take unknown drugs which left her numb and tired, and she endured physical and emotional abuse. 

I recall being threatened to I’d sent to boarding school when I was a teen. Thankfully, it never happened.

However, my father was verbally and physically abusive. When I was 14, I came home from school for lunch where my father had heated tomato soup for me. I took a few sips before he got angry. 

“The dishes aren’t done!” A hard, wicked kick to my side sent me flying out of my chair, onto the floor. The soup flew into the air, splashed onto the table, and the bowl broke when it crashed to the ground.

I curled up into a ball on the floor as my father punched my head and kicked me like a soccer ball, into the sunroom. When he was done, he left me lying there, coiled in the fetal position and in pain. I cried quietly.

Eventually I slowly stood up, picked up my backpack and made my way back to school, feeling ashamed. That afternoon, I had swimming class, but I couldn’t swim because I was too dizzy from the blows to my head. I lied to the teacher and said I wasn’t feeling well. As I sat poolside watching my classmates joyfully swim, tears streamed down my face. Swim class was one of my favourites.

When I was 17, my father roared, “I’m tired of raising you! Be someone else’s problem! I don’t care where you go just as long as you leave when you’re 18!”

Better put on my mask.

To this day, some of my family don’t believe the abuse I endured.

Probably like Paris’ family and other families who find out about the trauma after it happened, it’s difficult for them to accept the abuse, when they know they could have done something but chose not to.

It’s easier to look the other way and pretend ignorance.

Wearing a mask allows the survivor to be anyone they want to be. According to CAMH, traumatic childhood events can change the way a person’s brain and body works. Trauma can affect emotions, memory, thinking, and the sense of self. It can also affect relationships.

In “This Is Paris,” we see Paris preparing to play the biggest festival of her DJ career, Tomorrowland. Her then-boyfriend, Aleks Novakovic, is drunk and belligerent. He drops her laptop, manhandles her, and demands she pays attention to him. No one intervenes. Paris, unlike any Paris have seen  before, angrily tells him to leave her alone and to leave the festival. She tells security and her team to cut his admission bracelets and get him off the festival grounds. 

It’s in this scene we realize how alone she is, but also how strong she is. “I feel that I’ve grown up so much, especially in the past year, doing this film. I just had so many realizations and realized who I truly am and why I am the way I am,” she told Variety.

According to CAMH, trauma can cause eating disorders, misuse of alcohol and drugs, or harm themselves. These behaviours may help to cope for a while, but they often lead to isolation, depression, and can increase anxiety and sleeping problems.

In the documentary, we learn that Paris suffers from insomnia and has constant nightmares of men taking her away. This is a struggle she has endured since being at Provo. I suffer from insomnia as well. I believe my nightmares are due to the abuse I endured as a child, and from being assaulted with a weapon in 2019. Paris’ nightmares are of her being taken away at night. Mine consist of being attacked and escaping. 

The brain is a powerful organ, and it doesn’t forget trauma. It’s good at hiding awful memories, which is when the mask slowly creeps around the hurt and protects the survivor from the monsters they believe are creeping around them. 

For Paris, me, maybe you, or someone you know, trauma has no bias.

Trauma hurts. It really fucking hurts. The sufferer pays the emotional price for someone else’s actions, but one thing for certain is that the trauma isn’t the fault of the sufferer.

I wore a mask for most of my life. When I decided to take it off, the uncomfortableness of showing my true self was frightening. I was, and still am at times, a little uneasy of showing my flaws, imperfections, and vulnerability. 

As we age, we become comfortable with who we are. Like a snake, we shed our skin to reveal the shiny new us. Except we are not new, nor is our skin. It’s our spirit, confidence, and the need to be happy that gives the mask wearer the strength and confidence to take it off for good.

Cover image source

The post Empowerment :: Trauma, Trust, Love, and Paris Hilton. appeared first on TheGayGuideNetwork.com.

Maintaining physical distance has not been as easy for some of us as it has for others during the Covid-19 pandemic.

Those who dare to share they want sex despite the risk have frequently been met with shame and judgement. Montreal-based Samantha Lauzon is a trans activist, storyteller and sex worker, and recently sat down with Shaun Proulx for this Zoom chat about the pandemic-shaming, judgement, and the stigma that erupts in her online life from doing her job, as well as for anyone who dares to say they want to shag on sex-apps.

Show Notes

• Harm-reduction strategies in contrast with the passive-aggressive nature of statements like, “I hope you are wearing a mask and cleaning your space afterwards.”
• Samantha’s life lesson around money and why she makes putting food on the table her number one priority. Then, when it comes time to pay the bills and if there’s no money left over, she won’t go hungry.
• What are the needs, differences, risks, and value judgments around someone having sex for money versus two people having sex who don’t live together?
• Are you taking away from or adding to the problem by judging people who make a conscious choice to have sex during COVID-19?
• Samantha explains the why expression, “Every coping mechanism is valid,” is vital for understanding and having compassion for other people’s choices.

“Every coping mechanism is valid.”

Samantha Lauzon

Samantha Lauzon is a social media personality and porn star. When she’s not teaching people how to cook on her YouTube channel she’s a tireless activist for change within the Trans community giving a voice to Sex Workers and Non-Sex workers alike. She talks openly about addiction and mental health in an effort to #EndTheStigma. You can find her family-friendly content by using @SamanthaLauzon across most major Social Media platforms including Pinterest, Instagram and YouTube.

Related :: A queer spiritual channeller on the Why of Covid-19

The post GGN EMPOWERMENT :: Pandemic Shaming – Sex In Covid Times appeared first on TheGayGuideNetwork.com.

Been on any sex-hookup apps or sites during this time of social distancing? If you haven’t, hop on and see for yourself: even now, some boys are still being boys.

We don’t judge, and in fact, we understand. So do the fine people at The Gay Men’s Sexual Health Alliance – the information hub for gay and bisexual men’s sexual health in Ontario – who, on their Facebook page for guys who PnP, have two great graphics – one for sexual activity during these pandemic times; the second loaded with great advice if you PnP (party and play.) Both are worth a look, no matter where you live. The graphics and content were created by: COVID-for-PWUD.

We’re re-sharing with you here, so you may take the best care of yourself if the need arises, or re-share to show you care.

• GGN Staff

The post GGN EMPOWERMENT :: Sex + PnP In Pandemic Times appeared first on TheGayGuideNetwork.com.

Sincerely,

Shaun Proulx
Publisher / Founder 

Our whole lives have been turned upside down.

A haggard Prime Minister Justin Trudeau addressed Canada this afternoon with his stringent, far-reaching Covid-19 announcements. We’re closing our borders. Canadians ought to social distance.

The downtown streets in my ‘hood are empty. My winter getaway was cancelled. Such measures are unprecedented in modern times. It is an unsettling adjustment, this social distancing. It feels like a bad movie, or, as a gal pal puts it: “we’re living in a Margaret Atwood novel.”

Easy, therefore, for many to feel panic, stress and anxiety.

And there’s no toilet paper.

But you can relieve the negative emotions you might be feeling. Take a broader perspective, curate your focus, and be the one who writes the narrative of your experience within this experience.

Start with what an experience is, which is a moving happening that has an end date. This is temporary.

And let’s call the shutdowns and closures and cancellations what they really are: acts of deep love for others, and deep self-love. We are protecting those at risk; we are protecting ourselves. This is beautiful.

It’s also a long-awaited switch in global energy; many of us have worried and complained that it feels like our world has gone haywire with rising hate, liars for leaders, wars, fires, misery.

There has been a long list of evidence to justify growing concerns, but now we are taking care of each other, all around the world.

And for me, there is something healing about a planet now going quiet. Literally, the atmosphere above Italy, where citizens have been in lock down, has actually been clearing. The air over China is also better.

There is also something peaceful and relaxing about having legit reason to not be over-scheduled, over-committed, rushing here and there – never being in the now. Take your watch off, put your phone down. Engage. Read. Binge on good podcasts (here are some of my recent faves) and television is these days is a treasure trove (try The Loudest Voice and I loved The Affair.) Go to bed early, or bring a back-burnered project to life. Let’s not forget, when Shakespeare was quarantined because of the plague, he wrote King Lear. We can meditate (I love Marianne Williamson’s corona virus healing meditation) and we can journal; diarize this profound experience. We can do fun things like my great friend, the vocalist Simone Denny, has done with her “Superstar” social media spin to encourage hand-washing. As I write this, a yogi friend in quarantine texted me to invite me to do restorative yoga via Skype tonight. We can use our imaginations. We can play Madonna’s “Holiday.”

There is an opportunity now to do things for ourselves we don’t normally have time or energy to do. It feels extended snow-day-ish, one of winter’s soothing gifts.

So, while not taking away from the seriousness of this situation, you can find beauty, and possibility in it, if you look:

Facebook groups are popping up – people wishing to help people – every hour. And did you see the exquisite musical moment between residents on balconies at an apartment complex in Sicily? I posted it on my Facebook page.

Add to this; how can you help? Perhaps it is something simple, like thanking the front of line workers. We can take time to ask how they are doing if we know any personally. We can be kinder on purpose to each other, too. We can be kinder on purpose to ourselves; stop what-iffing about all of this, for example.

Thoughts and acts such as these have vibration to them, measurable by science in something called hertz. We can literally inject more love into a world that has been thirsty for it for too long. Universe knows what it is doing. Our planet knows what it is doing.

We humans forget what we’re doing. We forget we are powerful focusing mechanisms, and we can and must curate our focus, daily and especially in times like now. Many of us have been glued obsessively or addict-like to virus news non-stop. This creates emotional imbalance and isn’t healthy. You can go to your favourite news source to stay informed, but you don’t have to marinate in it. Control this shit, and especially stay away from American fear-mongering.

And PS, there’s lots of good news to be reported. Just focus. Look for it. Here is a piece on how Canadian scientists have isolated the virus. Here is a wonderfully hopeful piece on how a Nobel Laureate number cruncher has correctly predicted the timing of the virus’ impact in China and nearby regions. Contrary to bandied gloom, he says this will come to a halt. Here is a good news piece for those worried about financial catastrophe. Be a breaking good news reporter. Share the good news you find out into the world. Share the funny, too. Lots of quippy clever memes are circulating. When you can laugh at something that once caused you negative emotion, you have mastered control over its power over you. I like the one with the guy who has a white paper coffee filter over his nose and mouth. On it he has written: “Coughy filter.” Ba-dum-bump.

This is a global re-set (which is what another pal called it the other day.) It is a time that is ripe with positive possibility and filled with beauty. And, it’s a choice we each make about how we will be in this unfolding experience; it’s action we take when we choose deliberately where to place our focus.

Panic comes from feeling ignorant and powerlessness. You and I are neither.

Love,

The post GGN Self-Care :: Beauty Inside The Pandemic appeared first on TheGayGuideNetwork.com.

In today’s post, part two, Samantha asked a number of the performers and a few attendees, “What does Pride mean to you?” and, “If you had a message to your younger, queer self, what would it be?”

What does Pride mean to you?

“Pride is synonymous with hope.”

“Being proud means not being ashamed.”

“Pride is about belonging.”

“Pride is about being honestly who you are without fear.”

GGN Publisher, Shaun Proulx reminds us that we must be proud of who we are. We need to remember those who came before us, who refused to not be their authentic selves. We can’t take for granted these freedoms some of us enjoy, like the freedom to hold hands in public or kiss our lover or partner openly.

Shaun’s message to his younger self:

“You are perfect the way you are. You are worthy, you belong and everything is going to be okay.”

GGN Editor, Darren Stehle’s (yours truly) message to his younger self:

“Just take the risk and not be afraid to be who you are. The shame that you may have felt is not your fault. That’s the conditioning of the status quo that made you believe that something was wrong with you – which is absolute bullshit. The more challenging it is to believe this, the more you are on the verge of living your authentic self.”

Video by Samantha Lauzon.

Samantha Lauzon is a social media personality and porn star. When she’s not teaching people how to cook on her YouTube channel she’s a tireless activist for change within the Trans community, giving a voice to Sex Workers and Non-Sex workers alike. She talks openly about addiction and mental health in the hope to #EndTheStigma. 

You can find her family-friendly content by using @SamanthaLauzon across most major Social Media platforms including Pinterest, Instagram and YouTube.

The post What Does Pride Mean to You? Fierté Montreal Pride 2019 appeared first on TheGayGuideNetwork.com.

Editor’s note: I asked the winner of the “Trip for Two to Fierté Montreal Pride 2019” (sponsored by Shaun Proulx Media) if he would send me a few lines about his experience. What follows is more than a few lines, but a wonderful reflection of the uniqueness that is Fierté. Be sure to scroll all the way down to see the gorgeous images we took at Fierté!

Going to Montréal and experiencing Pride/Fierté is quite the different experience compared to Toronto Pride – where I have been living and what I have been attending for the past 10 years. The city of Montréal itself seems to have a more calm, relaxed vibe, as opposed to Toronto’s non-stop busyness (which I also love). This made it easy and relaxing to explore and enjoy.

The easy accessibility to Montréal’s Old Port from the hotel where my partner and I stayed made this Pride experience that much more enjoyable. From finding a delicious espresso place to relax at every morning during our visit (shout out to ALOHA Espresso Bar!), to being able to walk and wander the cobblestone streets of historic old Montréal and take in the architecture, the abundance of culture, Canadian and other, certainly enhanced this experience.

In addition to our proximity to Old Montréal, the hotel we stayed at, the Fairfield by Marriott Montreal Downtown is located on Rue Berri between Rue Sainte-Catherine and Boul René-Lévesque. We were able to conveniently walk out of the hotel, turn a corner and quite quickly be in the Gay Village. If you wanted gay in your face, you had gay in your face. It was amazing.

Unlike Toronto’s Gay Village, Montréal’s is a pedestrian zone. This experience allows you to casually stroll down Rue Sainte-Catherine and take in everything gay – whether you want it in your mouth (e.g., the abundance of restaurants and bars), or in your bum (e.g., through the variety of bathhouses to choose from). We were also able to experience the BALL installation for the last time as it will be retired at the end of September/Summer 2019. This might seem unimportant, but the balls form a canopy down Rue Sainte-Catherine, acting, in my opinion, as an embrace of the sexualities, identities, queerness, and culture Montréal’s Gay Village offers. It is more than just aesthetic; it is an example of how powerful pride (in whatever aspect) can be experienced.

Now for the events and dancing: My partner and I did not attend any of the after-hours parties but, thanks to GGN, we received VIQ passes to experience the lineup of cultural events and dancing at Parc des Faubourgs. The centrality of events in this space was probably the most convenient aspect of being able to experience and participate in Fierté’s culture. From being able to see a variety of cultural performers right in front of our faces from the designated VIQ section near the front of the TD stage, to almost being able to touch Ciara, the VIQ passes/experience is worth it – not to mention a food buffet and generously flowing drinks (*glug glug*)! I would certainly like to experience this again and already have plans to purchase the VIQ pass next year.

The highlight of Fierté, regardless of holding a VIQ pass or not, is the Sunday Tea Dance at Parc des Faubourgs. Everyone is packed like sardines on the dance floor (ground, really) – and I mean everyone: gay, straight, trans, gender-nonconforming, non-binary, people with disabilities – all enjoying a free and accessible opportunity to share what is an enveloped space of queerness. It is just so different (compared to Toronto Pride), and feels much more inclusive.

I highly recommend the Fierté Montréal experience, VIQ or not. There is a lot to experience and take in during Pride in Montréal and I am quite fortunate to have had that opportunity. (Side note: If anyone wants to give me a job (English-speaking only), I would move to Montréal in a second. Let’s chat!)

À la prochaine, Montréal ?️‍? – CP Rawa

Slideshow from Montreal Pride, 2019

All images by Samantha Lauzon.

Samantha Lauzon is a social media personality and porn star. When she’s not teaching people how to cook on her YouTube channel she’s a tireless activist for change within the Trans community, giving a voice to Sex Workers and Non-Sex workers alike. She talks openly about addiction and mental health in the hope to #EndTheStigma. 

You can find her family-friendly content by using @SamanthaLauzon across most major Social Media platforms including Pinterest, Instagram and YouTube.

The post Reflections on Fierté Montreal Pride 2019 – Queerness & Inclusivity appeared first on TheGayGuideNetwork.com.

Meet Cody Barlow

You might not know this handsome, Southern boy’s face, but you might have seen his truck, pictured above, proudly showing his support for LGBTQ individuals.

Find out why Cody’s story brought GGN Publisher, Shaun Proulx to tears.

Listen to Shaun’s interview with Cody:

You can follow Cody Barlow on Facebook.

The post The Best Feel-Good Story You’ll Hear this Pride, 2019 appeared first on TheGayGuideNetwork.com.

By Alasia O’brien Taylor

Men, Women, and Beyond the Binary.

What is gender? Is it something we are simply born with or could it be a concept so vast that it’s worth rethinking? Even without doing research there are biological characteristics that do separate men from women at birth. In our culture, gender is defined later in life and separated by a set of social constructs and attributes portrayed as “Male” and “Female”. 

These identities are often confused with ideas of what “Femininity” and “Masculinity” is supposed to look like. Over the years of questioning my own gender, I had come to the conclusion that gender is similar to beauty. I believe there are no defining characteristics of beauty; it goes beyond conventional standards that are socially preconceived, which we use to rate and judge ourselves.

Beauty is an expression and expression is infinite.

I know that I am in fact a beautiful young woman by the name of Alasia O’Brien Taylor. I was born with a set of XY chromosomes, rather than the biological female set of XX. That is how essentially all human life starts out before the sex-determination process begins and one of the X’s is selected at random and permanently inactivated, assigning that person with a “male-gendered” body at birth. In normal people words, I’m a transgender female and proud to be so.

I wasn’t always this proud.

Actually, I used to internalize my trauma and who I am so violently, that I had become a literal monster, hellbent on self-destruction. It wasn’t until I began to truly accept myself for who I am, and things for what they are, that I stepped out of darkness. I started loving myself unconditionally for what I really am; a person. 

When I was just a kid, I would dress up in girls clothing, play with my barbies, show them off at school, and wear wigs. You know, all the usual shit you hear kids doing who may later question their gender identity – unless they’re just kids being kids. That wasn’t the case with me. My knowledge at that time of what it meant to be transgender, other than the conceptual existence of the term, was close to nothing. The same was true for my family.

At a young age it was assumed I would grow up to be a gay male. 

My family accepted me warmly, which is something I’m forever grateful for, especially considering how many LGBTQ people don’t have, or have yet to attain this EXTREMELY affordable luxury. Yet as if being gay wasn’t different enough, I knew with every fiber of my being that I was different, but I didn’t have the words or enough understanding to explain why. 

Somewhere between ages five and six is the earliest I can remember feeling uncomfortable in my skin. Around age eight was the first time l thought that l was fat and began going to my grandmother and doctor with concerns that l was overweight and that my body didn’t have the correct proportions. This caused my grandmother and several therapists down the line to try and reassure me that I was neither fat or skinny, rather, l was “just right”. It didn’t work.

The first time l held a blade to my skin I was 11 years old. 

My childhood home and pretty much everything l had ever owned was destroyed in a drug raid due to my grandmother’s negligence. I don’t blame her but our family has been through hell. It’s been seven years since that event took place and l can barely recall what the inside of the house looked like. The time display on the VCR is permanently stained into my mind from the moment the swat team broke through our doors. It was a sunny Friday morning on May 18th, 2012. l can literally see the bright yellow numbers reading 10:30 AM as I type this. The large guns, my family members looking down the barrels of those guns, the clutter, the chaos, my youth fading away in an instant.

Turning 12 a few short months after the raid, my grandfather passed away. I was on a camping trip in New Hampshire with relatives I’d began staying with. I was hunched over a toilet in the back of an RV wiping the sweat off my forehead after sticking my fingers down my throat. It sounds gross but that’s just the brunt of what I’d begin doing to myself in the following years. The cyclical thoughts of the eating disorder were becoming more prominent and quickly shifting from a faint whisper to alarm bells that I simply couldn’t ignore anymore. The problem was that l didn’t want to. By the time I had turned 14, my self-destructive tendencies were in full swing. I’d been hospitalized twice already since the school year started.

In February 2014 l began my first outpatient treatment program. l stayed about a week and a half before insurance stopped covering my care. l just had to suck it up and deal with my shit on my own. To me, that meant avoiding the actual problem and continuing to deprive my body of nutrients – while my great uncle (the problem) deprived me of my innocence. 

My home was no longer a home but fragments of memory and an idea of what a home is supposed to be. 

My body was no longer my body but a burden – it didn’t belong to him either. l belonged to no one and nothing – l was both a no one and nothing. I’d lost all sense of self and found a new one in my disease. It gave my life meaning while defying exactly what it means to be alive. Little did l know that’s just what it makes you think.

I already had a purpose and this was a head-dive into the unknown, an attempt to erase the self l had before SHE could be discovered, but I held on. I would question transitioning my gender because of how bad I hated men at the time. I thought it possible l was just refusing to be one, or that I had hated myself so much I wanted to create someone new or some fucked up shit like that I couldn’t understand why I so badly had this pressing need to be female. Then I realized that this is who I have always been but suppressed.

When I was younger and people would refer to me as a girl, and then correct themselves, it felt like they were making a mistake, instead of correcting one. The idea of transitioning was something I couldn’t even fathom. The thought of presenting myself as female and being misgendered was an annihilating thought to my self-esteem. I would force myself not to think about it only to find out later that my eating disorder was the manifestation of exactly what I wanted to be.

My entire life I’ve been chasing ideal body image standards that western society has set for women.

My eating disorder served me the purpose of getting there. It made me look and feel what I saw to be womanly. Not having anyone who understood what I was going through, I had to learn for myself that deteriorating my body to appear conventionally beautiful doesn’t make me a woman. It made me sick and someone who strove for synthetic happiness, which should be common sense, but who said that eating disorders were rational?

35 treatment centres and group homes later here I am: happy, healthy, and a woman. 

Transitioning my gender was one of the best things I could’ve done for myself. All this time it felt like I’ve had a plastic bag tied around my head and someone cut me free so I could finally breathe. I have struggled with my eating disorder for the good part of seven years and I’ve been on the precipice of recovery this last year and a half.

It’s been two years since I began my transition and the eating disorder has started to fade. For the first time in my life, I’m actually happy and moving forward. This disorder cast a shadow over everything in my life that was good making me a negative, timid being, but that’s just not who I am anymore. To be truthful, that’s never who I really was. I was hurt and I still am.

There’s not a single day l go without fighting my disordered thoughts and that’s something l may have to deal with for the rest of my life. But as long as I still have a pulse, there’s time to change and grow. I have my transition to thank for that. It saved my life and this is the prospect of freedom.

About the Author

Alasia O’brien Taylor is an activist, makeup artist, and digital creator. Follower her on Instagram: @3lectric.goddess.

March 31st, 2019 is Trans Day of Visibility

This year’s theme is, “Creating Authentic Bodies, Breaking Barriers”. Learn more at the Trans Day of Visibility website and on their Facebook page.

The post Empowerment :: The Luxury of Acceptance and the Prospect of Freedom: My Transition Story appeared first on TheGayGuideNetwork.com.

By Zanne Nilsson

Chances are you’ve heard the word “genderfluid” recently.

Maybe a friend or loved one came out to you as genderfluid, or you heard it mentioned in an article or on TV.

But no matter what brought you here: welcome! I’m glad you want to learn more about genderfluid people like me. You probably have a lot of questions right now, so I’m going to answer a few of the most common ones that non-genderfluid people have about this identity.

What is Genderfluid?

Genderfluid (or “gender fluid,” depending on what the person prefers) is a gender identity that falls outside the gender binary. Under the gender binary model, a person can only be male or female. But there are a lot of gender identities that don’t fit this model; they’re called “nonbinary” identities.

There are a lot of different nonbinary genders that people identify as those which cover a whole range of different experiences. Some nonbinary people have a gender that stays the same all the time, like a solid, but genderfluid people experience gender as something that’s constantly moving and changing, like a fluid.

My gender is always in flux. Sometimes I feel like a woman, other times I feel like a man, or I feel like both, or neither, or something in between, or something completely different. Genderfluid is the word that best fits my experience.

Why name your gender at all? Aren’t labels bad/confining?

A lot of people seem to have the opinion that defining your identity is “boxing yourself in” to certain definitions. 

In my experience, these tend to be people who don’t need to self-identify because they already fit their culture’s norms or people who have felt constricted by their culture’s expectations based on their identity and would rather be themselves, regardless of labels.

And that’s fine. Nobody has to label themselves if they don’t want to!

However, I find that having a name for my gender identity is liberating and empowering. It shows that there are other people out there who share my feelings and experiences. It helps me find those people so we can help, support, and validate each other. It shows that I’m not “broken”. And as anyone who’s ever felt that way can tell you, realizing you’re not broken is one of the greatest feelings in the world.

Is genderfluid a new thing?

This is an interesting question and I understand where it comes from. A lot of people only started hearing the word “genderfluid” recently, which can lead to the assumption that gender fluidity is new.

But in reality, it’s not. The term “genderfluid” itself has been used since at least the 1990s, but people who experience fluid gender have probably been around for much longer. 

The problem is that it’s hard to prove. There may have been genderfluid people before “genderfluid” was a word, but since the word didn’t exist, they couldn’t use it to identify themselves. Even now, there are some people with fluid genders who use other terms to describe themselves. 

Forcing the term onto someone who didn’t use it (or chooses not to use it) is a terrible thing to do. It erases someone else’s experiences, history, and culture for the sake of proving a point. We can’t build our own history by tearing down someone else’s.

Only the person whose identity is being named is allowed to name it. For that reason, I can’t in good conscience try to prove that genderfluid people existed before the word did.

But I will say this: the word didn’t appear out of thin air. It must have been created by someone who experienced a fluid gender – possibly for a long time – and created a word to define themselves better than existing words did. And as more and more people heard the word, they realized it fit their identities too. The word was created to describe the identity, not the other way around.

So it’s possible that people with fluid genders have been around a long time. They just didn’t call themselves “genderfluid.”

Still confused?

That’s okay! Gender fluidity can be a little complicated. Just keep an open mind and keep trying to educate yourself. There are a lot of great sources out there about nonbinary genders if you just look around. I’ve found the Nonbinary Wiki is a good place to start.

Even if you don’t understand gender fluidity yet, be as kind as you can to genderfluid people. We just want to be treated with basic respect – the same way everybody else does. 

About the Author

Zanne Nilsson is a genderfluid writer and queer librarian who’d do better creating more and hesitating less. They want you to know you’re not broken. You can find them on Medium, Twitter, and Facebook.

Header image source

The post Empowerment :: What The Heck is Genderfluid? appeared first on TheGayGuideNetwork.com.

Earlier this week on Giving Tuesday (November 27, 2018), the Inside Out LGBTQ Film Festival announced an innovative Online Resources Catalogue aimed at providing support for LGBTQ youth

With the recent rollbacks in sex education in Ontario schools and the misguided idea of putting gender identity up for debate at the provincial level, the Inside Out LGBT Film Festival will launch new online media resources to help address the social isolation and exclusion of LGBTQ youth around the greater Toronto area (GTA), across Ontario and throughout Canada.

In 2019, Inside Out will launch its Online Catalogue of LGBTQ film and media resources.

This will be an accessible and free online media resource oriented toward LGBTQ youth and community educators seeking critical information and support around topics such as gender and sexual identity, bullying and self-esteem.

“I brought 40 high school students to the youth screening of the shorts and it was the highlight of their year! They were mesmerized by the crowd of other rainbow students and gushed about how amazing it felt to be in a room full of positive people and allies. You cannot know what an impact it has on youth to immerse them in their community and give them that gift.”

Alison Carson, Teacher from Halton Region

Now approaching its 30th anniversary year, Inside Out is the largest LGBTQ film festival in Canada and is an internationally respected organization that presents the best in international LGBTQ cinema to Ontario audiences, engages and creates safe and celebratory community spaces for LGBTQ populations, and as it promotes and supports the development of Canadian queer cinema.

Since 2015 the film festival’s Community Screenings program, in addition to the Youth Day and Rainbow Youth Forum, has reached more than 1000 individual high school students in the GTA each year. The isolation that many young people feel is still all too common, especially among underserved LGBTQ populations. Inside OUT believes this can be countered by engaging young people within their communities and offering them relevant, affirming resources.

The timing of this online catalogue is critical to bring increased awareness and empathy on queer and trans issues for allies, and to help reduce homophobia, transphobia and bullying while delivering affirmation for LGBTQ youth.

Inside Out has set a goal of raising $15,000 for film licensing fees by December 31, 2018 in order for the catalogue to be launched in 2019.

From the GGN Editor:

Giving and getting gifts this holiday season is lovely, but often it can feel like too much rampant consumerism. If you’d like to make a difference in the lives of LGBTQ youth this season, please consider donating to this critical and innovative project by Inside Out.

Donate Now

The post Inside Out Film Festival Addresses Gap in Support for LGBTQ Youth appeared first on TheGayGuideNetwork.com.

LIVING BY DESIGN

Known as the Nomadic Boys, gay couple Stefan and Sebastien first met in 2009 in London, England and have been together since. After many years of planning and saving, in June 2014 they quit their jobs and left their lives in London behind to see the world together.

Their blog, Nomadic Boys, is a platform to record their romantic adventures, write about the different gay scenes and of course, their culinary discoveries.

Here are 5 things they learned from their travels:

#1 – Grindr is a godsend

Grindr is seen more as a sex tool back home in London so we’ve never needed to use it. But travelling in countries in Asia like India, Malaysia and Sri Lanka where gay laws are still in the Medieval ages, Grindr is used more as an extension of the gay scene in the absence of places to go to meet.

Meeting locals is the best way to discover the local gay scene, the country’s culture and the best foods. We have learnt that whether you are looking for sex or not (we’re not, for the record!), Grindr is one of the most effective ways we have met locals in each new country we’ve visited. 

#2 – Your body adapts to spicy food quick!

Thai, Indian and Sri Lankan foods are notorious for being the spiciest. But after a while you adapt to those spicy Indian curries, Sri Lankan devilled prawns or Thai Som Tam spicy papaya salads. After a certain point you actually start to request a bit of spice to add a bit of kick to your food.

#3 – Travel slowly

We travel slowly and ideally stay in certain places for long periods of time. This not only spreads out the budget, making it cheaper, but you learn much more about the location than if you were just passing through. The longer you stay somewhere, the more likely you are to develop a sort of lifestyle, routine, and group of friends.

#4 – Book accommodations in person

We contact hotels directly to get the best deals. When you book via online agents, the hotel has to pay a commission, which is added to the price of the room. Turning up and booking in person directly also gives you the opportunity to negotiate a better deal.

#5 – Keeping fit is possible

Keeping fit is a constant struggle for long-term travellers. but it does not need to be. Local gyms are usually cheap and easy to find, and are a great way to meet locals who are also into fitness.

Working out in a local park in the morning is a great way to see a new place, particularly in countries like China and Vietnam where sports in public parks is popular, fun to watch and even participate in. Also, going for a run when you first arrive is great cardiovascular activity to keep fit, but you get to see your new destination.

Follow Nomadic Boys on their travels

• Nomadic Boys Website
• Facebook
• Twitter
• Instagram
• YouTube

The post NOMADIC BOYS :: 5 Things We Learned Travelling Through Asia appeared first on TheGayGuideNetwork.com.

By Melina Baron-Deutsch, Alumni of Operation Groundswell

Operation Groundswell champions international LGBT+ engagement through connecting young Canadians with movements across the world.

As a program leader for Operation Groundswell, I had the opportunity to work closely with Tsanwa, a Peruvian LGBT+ advocacy group in the Amazon region. Based in Iquitos, the largest city unreachable by road, Tsanwa holds weekly meetings to promote LGBT+ community by building activities and organized actions.

Tsanwa, which means freedom in the local indigenous language Cucama Cucamilla, is best known for its role in establishing Peru’s first Amazon Pride March and Prideland Festival, honouring the Stonewall riots in 1969.

When meeting with Tsanwa, they mentioned that they’ve noticed family members and allies starting to participate in the parade and festivities, which signifies a cultural shift towards familial acceptance.

After initially meeting with the Tsanwa leaders to plan our time spent together with our Amazon Adventures crew, I was delighted to learn that Iquitos has a long history serving as a sanctuary for queer and trans refugees. Peru experienced a violent uprising of guerilla group, The Shining Path, in the 1980’s.

The Shining Path was known for targeting isolated regions of Peru, whose inhabitants were met with massacre when they refused to be recruited by Marxist-Leninist terrorist movement.

Among the victims of the wide-spread terror inflicted by this movement was the LGBT+ community. Tarapoto was a queer gathering spot best known as one of the last sanctuaries for trans women to congregate in the Amazon.

Fleeing from persecution, many queer and trans people left Tarapoto to seek new refuge in Iquitos. This marks the beginning of Iquitos’s renowned status of being and having a notorious and thriving underground LGBT+ community.

Local Loretan artists, such as Christian Bendayán, have beautifully captured the colorful queer culture that developed in Iquitos at this time and what it has since grown to be.

Our collaboration with Tsanwa largely focused on group-bonding and cultural exchange.

Upon our arrival, we were welcomed by locals with a warm meet & greet to introduce Operation Groundswell’s Amazon Adventure participants to members of Tsanwa. This event started as a series of informal ice-breakers and ended with a festive drag show and dance party, complete with karaoke.

I recall one of our cis, straight male participants disclosing to me his initial discomfort with the drag party. He later opened up about what he had learned from stepping out of his comfort zone, and challenging his own prejudices after being immersed in a queer space he would have never experienced otherwise.

Between the icebreakers and drag party, Tsanwa members shared deeply personal accounts about their experiences living as members of the queer and trans community in Iquitos.

Two trans women shared their heartbreaking tales of family rejection and how they had come to find a home and solace. A 19-year-old student shared a poem she had written commemorating the tragic story of two local lesbians, and encouraged us all to take action in our own lives by speaking up against discrimination.

The following day, our groups reunited for a day-long outdoor excursion in a quiet resort nestled along a river in the Amazon rainforest. The boisterous boys of Tsanwa cat-called other men from our boat that morning, much to the shock and chagrin of some of our more conservative participants. But by the end of the day, participants and Tsanwa members alike were laughing along to the silly gestures and humbling coming out stories.

As a queer woman and LGBT+ organizer myself, working with Tsanwa was an incredibly personal and invaluable experience. Their relentless pursuit of LGBT+ rights and commitment not only to community building, but broader cultural change, is a refreshing take on social justice. I noticed changes within our own group dynamics throughout our interactions with Tsanwa. Participants grew more comfortable to share and challenge their own notions of queerness while reflecting on our journey. They felt more comfortable asking questions in regards to LGBT+ terminology and sharing experiences, witnessing homophobia and transphobia in their respective hometowns.

As an organization whose tagline is “Backpacking with a Purpose,” Operation Groundswell’s approach to “voluntourism” and experiential learning is founded on four key principles: cultural literacy, power & privilege, solidarity, and environmental sustainability. The Amazon Adventure program works with a variety of community-based projects, but our cultural exchange with Tsanwa particularly exemplifies these first three principles.

Our participants come from all walks of life and yet we are all able to converge over controversial topics of diversity and inclusion through group activities facilitated by Tsanwa. I am excited to see the future growth of Operation Groundswell working in solidarity with other LGBT+ organizations in South America, such as the radical lesbian group Mujeres Creando in Bolivia.

Videos from Peru’s Organization Tsanwa

About Operation Groundswell

2019 programs are now open for application.

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If you’re an out and proud gay man why would you choose to label yourself as straight-acting?

The ultimate version of internalized homophobia.

Ah yes, another Grindr profile with “straight-acting” or “Masc4Masc” in the description! I wonder if the guy who wrote that has a secret desire for drag queens? How emasculating!

“Ya I’m gay, but I’m a man, dude. I’m normal. I want a man, not a woman!”

That rings misogynistic, which by the way is part of what homophobia is: a fear of anything that is not heteronormative, not defined by prescribed gender roles, or religious ideologies. Men should be men, and women… well, women know their place.

Queer People Didn’t Die So You Could Call Yourself Straight-Acting

We are not the problem or the cause of homophobia, but we are part of the problem.

This is why we still need the International Day Against Homophobia, Transphobia & Biphobia – a worldwide celebration of sexual and gender diversities, which took place this year on May 17, 2018.

While we’re still fighting regressive politics, oppressive regimes, and bigoted evangelical Christians who want to send us to conversion therapy (or concentration) camps, we also have to fight the virus within ourselves.

Some gays think homophobia is dead.

They falsely believe that as gay people we’re the problem, because we bring it up. They think we don’t have thick enough skins. My skin is hard as fuck from years of feeling less than and stigmatized. Many of us have far deeper, physical wounds to prove the violence of homophobia.

Gender is a social construct designed to control people.

We used to think the world was flat. We used to think witches caused sickness and illness, until someone discovered viruses and a cure in penicillin.

With all due respect to one’s religious beliefs, two thirds of the world still believes a collection of ancient texts, based on oral tradition that are over 2,000 years old, are the word of “god”. Times have changed. Doesn’t god want to put out an update?

“You’re either a man or a woman and nothing in between!”

This form of thinking enables violence in hyper-masculine straight men with a limited understanding of the diversity of masculinity. These are the men who fear homosexuality and cause the greatest harm – verbal or physical – to both women and “gay” men. Hello? #MeToo!

These hyper-masculine men fear gay men… oh the irony. This demonstrates the fragility of gender as a construct. Going too far to one extreme induces the possibility of violence to prove one’s manhood.

Only facades need defending.

And yet you still want to be straight-acting?

As a gay man, if you call yourself straight-acting, you’re making things worse for every other man, of any sexual persuasion, who happens to be more on the side of the feminine in his characteristics and mannerisms.

Straight-acting is a limitation.

In truth, you might be de facto straight-appearing. No problem with that. You might love the touch, connection, intimacy, and partnership with another man. You exist in the masculine domain without question or contemplation. So what?

When you label yourself straight-acting, you are mis-identifying.

This label defies the truth of your identity – you are more than a collection of mannerisms and characteristics that fall mostly on one side of the spectrum of feminine or masculine.

We respond more truthfully to the world around us in different ways, at different times. We are not a fixed representations of a number of human characteristics – including gender – nor are we only one, but never another. That kind of fixed identity limits one’s perception and acceptance of the world. That perception limits understanding and critical thinking.

One of the so-called characteristics of masculinity is strength.

Straight-acting is a misidentification borne of fear and ignorance, and possibly self-preservation.

Strength can only be expressed with it’s corresponding or opposite feminine characteristic, flexibility. You are in your strength as a gay man if you are “naturally” masculine – if that’s how others see you and who you are without thought – without having to act or force yourself to be that way.

”But I’m a guy and I like guys!”

Good for you. So am I, but I’m not an asshole about it. I’m not ignorant of the pain false masculinity causes other men who have grown up ashamed for being more naturally feminine. Saying that out loud hurts, because by saying it you disqualify another human being.

No one is forcing you to be attracted to something that you’re not. Why do you hate being gay so much that you call yourself straight-acting?

Hold on a moment!

Is that part of the problem? Is that your problem? Are you attracted to the feminine in men but ashamed to admit it? Or do you secretly feel things that don’t involve “being a real man” and make you feel more… feminine?

What if you got to know another gay man simply for who they are?

I know. I understand. When you grew up you were safest when you appeared like the other boys. Maybe that’s how you avoided being singled out. Maybe that’s how you always got picked for the team. Maybe that’s how you passed and fit in, without being bullied.

When you play straight-convincing long enough, it’s hard to let go.

It’s hard to come out of the heteronormative closet that has you hating yourself for having any kind of feelings or mannerisms remotely feminine. Is this why you never smile and why you’re still so angry?

It’s why your life is a facade – a play – and you are the classic, straight-acting male lead. How very Rock Hudson of you!

What you desire from straight-acting isn’t real. Acting is a fiction based upon reality that you are tying to box yourself into.

Don’t be an actor within the play that the status quo wants to cast you in.

Be real, vulnerable, and open to the possibility that expressing what you’re afraid of might bring you the greatest gifts in life.

The only way we can make progress in eliminating homophobia is to own the problem. We are the solution. We defeat gender norms when we unabashedly embrace the complete spectrum of so-called masculine and feminine characteristics. And by embrace, I mean you displaying or honouring gender diversity.

Feel free to be all that you are without apology.

Labeling yourself as straight-acting is an indirect apology to the status quo that you’re not valid as a human being.

Don’t be less than.

Be gay. Be trans. Be bi. Be gender fluid. Be you. Most of all, be happy!

The original version of this post appeared on Th-Ink Queerly.

The post Empowerment :: Straight-Acting Gay Men And Internalized Homophobia appeared first on TheGayGuideNetwork.com.

By Tommy Vē. 
If you missed the first part of this story, click here to read it.

Then it happened again.

The soft voice came through telling me something. I clenched my eyes closed to focus:

“You’re ok, Thomas. And everything is going to be ok. Don’t be afraid. You’re ok.”

I hadn’t heard the voice so long. It came when I needed it most. A sense of calmness washed away the thoughts of death. The darkness I was plummeting deep into shifted to light. With my attention caught, I understood this experience was my body’s response to the choices I had made. I was in withdrawal and the voice became my guide. “What does your body need in order to get through this, Thomas?” I let it take the lead and a list of priorities came to mind effortlessly:

Get food – It doesn’t matter what, just get something in your body that can get you through this drive home.

Get Sleep – After you eat, go to the closest rest area and sleep. You must be awake for the hour and thirty minutes to get home safely.

Go to the hospital – You over did it. This withdrawal is not to be messed with on your own. Get professional help and get yourself back in good health.

After a buffet of Burger King and 30 minutes of half-sleep at a thruway rest stop, I called my roommate to tell him what was happening. I then went to the hospital closest to my home. The withdrawal symptoms were beating me down to a pulp and the only thing I could do was ask for help.

I checked in at the hospital and found a seat. “Now what?” I asked of the voice. “What do I do next?” I realized I had been asking these questions out loud when I noticed people staring at me, so I went to the bathroom. Shivering and restless, paranoia coming through, I splashed water on my face. I returned to the waiting room, choosing a seat behind a half wall to mask my hysteria.

“What do I do now? I want to get better. I want to be whole again. I want to be happy. Tell me what to do, please.” I reached into my pocket for my phone, opened the notepad app and began vigorously writing.

My affinity for writing has been the only thing to ever consistently bring me peace. I’d convey my feelings in this manner so they could be somewhere outside myself. It always ended up being poetry too. I’d structure my writing as if they were songs with verses, choruses, hooks, and bridges. I wasn’t formally trained in music, but I’ve always adored the way my favorite musicians communicated feelings through lyrics. The half wall I was hiding behind became my own little sanctuary. My words began to flow with ease:

Why can’t I see you’re no good for me?

You don’t need to be the air I breathe

Why can’t I be completely incomplete?

Finally, won’t you let me be free?

I wanna be free from your reign over me

I wanna be free, shed the skin I don’t need

I wanna be free even if I can’t leave

I wanna be free from what you do to me.

It was a desperate cry for help. I had nothing left and nothing more to live for other than the love inside me. I sat there, scared and alone, and realized what was happening. I was embodying MY inner voice. I couldn’t hear it because I was living it. It was me all along. Even as I waited in the examination room, I continued to write. I lived out what might’ve been the most miraculous moment I’ve ever experienced, or so I thought.

After being evaluated and treated by several doctors, I went home to curl up in bed and reconfigure my life. It was the most peaceful night’s sleep I’ve ever had. I rose from a twelve-hour slumber feeling refreshed, but still lethargic. I was exhausted from what my body had endured. There was so much that needed to change. It was time to quit my jobs. It was time to move out of this dump. It was time recreate my goals. It was time to take back my life and also time for food.

My roommate and I ventured out because “the new me” still loved Mexican food. I needed all the love a quesadilla had to offer, with a side of nachos, guacamole, and whatever dessert available. It was literally, figuratively, and spiritually calling my name. I expressed my disgust for the shape our house was in and demanded we go somewhere clean to eat.

When we got our food, my roommate said a friend could host. I knew how he operated and  “host” could be an anonymous trick or a best friend. He said we were going to see a cute boy he met at a summer party. We made our way to the guy’s house and my impatience transitioned to frustration. I wanted to eat the food I was carrying NOW. My roommate knocked at the front door. My jaw dropped when the door opened. It was Sam!

We said hello, but we knew we had met before. Time completely stopped. What kind of sick fucking joke was this? Was it planned? Was I supposed to be here?

I B-lined to the dining room table and got down to business with my food. They packed a bowl to smoke some weed, but I wasn’t interested. I needed clarity because something was happening again. Something placed me here, at Sam’s house. They engaged in conversation while I appeared to be having the most beautiful love affair with my Mexican dinner. I only wanted to be there for the clean space to enjoy my food. I didn’t care to join them and they didn’t mind. Just me, my food, and a glaringly obvious sign from the universe who was sitting opposite me at the dining room table.

This was the second half of Tommy Vē’s I Saw the Sign – The Intervention. Click here to read part 1. 

Tommy Vē is a Buffalo-based pop singer/songwriter whose EP “My Lucid Nightmare” can be found on all major music streaming platforms today. Watch for his new single coming later this month and catch him on June 1st performing for Buffalo Pride Week’s EXIST, an Allentown First Friday Artwalk experience.

My Lucid Nightmare – EP by Tommy Vē on Spotify

The post I Saw the Sign – The Intervention (Part 2 of 2) appeared first on TheGayGuideNetwork.com.

By Tommy Vē

I SAW THE SIGN :: Another ordinary night at work; I started my opening bartending shift by messaging people to come in during the initial quiet. A group of university friends stopped in, and one of them brought along someone new.

He was a dashing young man, but he seemed generally disinterested and my friends weren’t including him in their conversation. I decided to engage him with introductory pleasantries because I really wanted to put a name to his beautiful face.

Sam* didn’t like the bar scene, I learned, but his mood shifted from “get me the fuck out of here” to “this isn’t so bad” when I suggested we smoke some weed before it became busy. His sweet and genuine laugh in agreement to join me was rudely cut off when the friend he came with called him away.

As the bar filled up, the mindlessness of slinging drinks to a steady crowd took over my thoughts – until Sam reappeared, waving me down. He said he was going to leave so I reached to shake his hand. Instead of a handshake, he held my hand with both of his, saying how much he enjoyed our conversation. As he did this an overwhelming sensation came over me. Something I had never experienced in my life. A voice that spoke a simple thought:

“He’s going to be in your life someday.”

It sounded like my voice, but sweeter and far more nurturing than I’ve ever been towards myself. Sam let go of my hand leaving a large nugget of marijuana in my grip. I was grateful for his generosity, but confused about where that voice came from. How did it know this person would get involved with me?

This was the first of many soon-to-follow experiences of what I call simply “a sign from the universe.” I just wasn’t aware of it yet.

Some months passed and another weekend began at the bar with the completion of my opening duties. A group of six walked through the front door. I was on a first-name basis with three of them and the rest were faces of frequent customers I recognized from a distance. We bonded over shots and talking music, and I managed to learn everyone else’s name.

Eventually the group decided to move down the street until the bar grew busier. Saying goodbye, I embraced each person and felt a sense of gratitude for having such a good time. One of the group, Adam, didn’t make an initial impression but when we hugged – BAM! That voice, that little serene sound saying the same damn thing again:

 “He’s going to be in your life someday.”

We lingered a moment until we let go and our eyes locked. Did he feel that? Did he hear it? Was I making this up? The same voice and message about another person? I was confused by my own awareness of what was going on. Clearly, I needed to pay attention, but to what?

At that time in my life I didn’t trust my judgment or my senses, so those moments were quickly buried under the wreckage from years of habitual anger and distaste for life. Goals I had set for myself were not my own, they belonged to my family, yet I pursued them, seeking validation as an adult.

In fact despised almost every facet of my existence. I despised working multiple jobs. I had little passion for what I was studying at university. The house I was living in had been a construction zone for three quarters of the time I inhabited it. Romantic relationships? No one would date a gay bartender.

Along the way I turned to pills, and crystal meth. And I was ashamed of everything about me. I wouldn’t even go home to visit family because I anticipated their negative judgments and couldn’t bear being on the receiving end. They saw me slowly spiralling down, when I couldn’t see it for myself. I was numb to everything.

One day, with all this anguish bottled up inside, I hit a breaking point and contacted my dealer for a PNP session. I went over to his place and he hooked me up with an unnecessary amount of meth in exchange for using my body at his disposal. I didn’t care about anything in that moment. I felt useless and alone and I needed to escape from the misery that had swallowed me.

I loaded up a few syringes and slammed them over the course of two days. No eating, no sleeping, just non-stop fucking until I’d had enough. I didn’t want to stop, but I knew I had completely overdone it. My dealer didn’t want to let me go home because I was clearly unfit to drive. I probably should have listened because I was tweaking out. I swore I could hear someone in the closet and I thought they both were going to tie me up and rape me. I had to leave immediately so I gathered bottles of water, along with my belongings, and left.

As I sat in my car ready to drive home, thoughts of death pervaded my mind. Every part of my body was expressing its disdain for continuing to live. Hysterically crying and hyperventilating, the pain had complete control of me. I couldn’t even drink water without spilling it all over myself.

“What have I done? I have no purpose. I fucked up. I’m a waste of space. End it now. I’m done.”

This is the first half of Tommy Vē’s I Saw the Sign – The Intervention. Look for the conclusion next week. * Names in this story have been changed to protect the privacy of those involved.

Tommy Vē is a Buffalo-based pop singer/songwriter whose EP “My Lucid Nightmare” can be found on all major music streaming platforms today. Watch for his new single coming later this month and catch him on June 1st performing for Buffalo Pride Week’s EXIST an Allentown First Friday Artwalk experience.

My Lucid Nightmare – EP by Tommy Vē on Spotify

The post I Saw the Sign – The Intervention (Part 1 of 2) appeared first on TheGayGuideNetwork.com.